...does a solo set somewhere, is it in extremely poor form for me not to attend and support it?

I'm conflicted.

KPH

if you've got nothing else going on, then not supporting any friend who's doing this is kind of shit.

Seconded.

well, i'll disagree with that rule of thumb - half of my friends are musicians. i couldn't afford to go out nearly every night of the week to see them, even though i would often like to.

KPH

is this person a close friend?

But you said this guy's IN your band... you either need to have something important happening where it's understood that you can;t make it, or be prepared for the possible label of "dick," unfortunately.

What, does he suck? Is it a crappy venue? Orr, more possibly, do you always go see him, and it's boring now? That could be understood.

the short version is if you were doing some shit and he bailed on you, would you give a shit? if not then stay home and watch the OC or Cosby Mysteries reruns or whatever.

No, the quality isn't the issue.

Dalen - we're best friends going back about 10 years. We have low points in our friendship and this happens to be one of them. Honestly, the guy has been a real ass lately, we haven't the time or motivation to hash it out, and frankly, I'd just as soon not be near him for a bit. So, I'm in a bit of an awkward position!

KPH

That's the thing Chase, I honestly wouldn't care and have not cared in the past.

KPH

you're in a band. aren't you supposed to treat each other like crap?

who and where is it?

i know what you mean.

if it were me though, i'd go, grab him a beer, and show him you're better than petty bullshit.

If its a special one off gig, you should try and go.. but if he plays regularly, you shouldnt be expected to attend every one, even if you have nothing to do that particular night

Jon, it's the main singer. Also, since we know some of the same people, I'd appreciate it if we kept this discussion to the board, but I certainly can't stop you. Is that alright?

Ayah - yeah, I guess. I dunno, after a while it kinda ruins the whole thing for me.

KPH

Do what Dalen said, but only if you can get on the guestlist. Otherwise, go, but don't buy him a beer. You're a starving musician, after all.

Oh, no problem, I was just curious.

Dalen - that's big of you and if I felt particularly forgiving right now, I think I would do precisely that. But there comes a time when sticking up for yourself is more important than appearing petty, you know?

KPH

What epa said.

Yeah... it's good to support the peeps in your band.
It's hard if there are uncomfortable situations with them that haven't been dealt with.

I guess if you didn't go you might be really making it clear that something's wrong.
- If you want things to work out then follow epa's advice;
- if you want to maintain status quo, make up an excuse but be sure to acknowledge it to him: i.e. "Sorry I can't come to your gig";
- and if you think things are headed downhill and don't care anymore... then just stay home & watch the OC.

Frickin' band politics. so annoying.

Another Cosby mystery: why the sunglasses, inside? Glaucoma, or just trying to re-capture the cool of being the first black in a lead role on a tee-vee series (plus, a damn tight one like I, Spy)?

Thanks for all of your considerate and honest advice everyone. It helps to get some perspective from people who are not directly involved with the social scene I am a part of - most of my friends are his and vice versa, so it makes it very difficult for me to even talk with anyone (locally) about band politics and such. And I genuinely trust and appreciate your thoughts on this - it's a big deal to me. Maybe too big for my own good, but that's another topic...

Cheers,

Kevin

yeah, you gotta go. it's one thing if it's a friend who's just another musician, but this is a guy with whom you make music with. go.

Kevin just go. If you get there and you're watching him and you realize you've made a mistake, heckle him for a bit and then take off.

Examples:

"You suck, dude!"

"When will this guy be done?"

"I heard his band sucks!"

bort

ps - on second though don't use that last one

fuck em

you were there when he almost died, he'll forgive you for not coming out for one night. (btw this is KG posting, neuro would never day that but he's logged in on my computer)

Ha!

So, everything's cool, I just needed to get some perspective, y'all helped a great deal with that, so thanks!

Best,

Kev.

not that it matters, but i really wouldn't feel obligated to go unless you actualy want to hear it or are curious about the results. That said, an appearance might remind him how good a friend you are and not to fuck it up.