really well actually.

he does go to las vegas this february though...i will be SHOCKED if he can make it through that.

And whabbout Wrinkles McPornsurf? Still shopping for electronic pussy in his cubicle?

i haven't seen him order anything interesting since then
he's been grumpy because our plant is attracting fruit flies... which choose his decaying body to flock to...

Hi Everyone,

I have been asked to ask everyone to please use the bathrooms down the hall if you must go number 2. There is no ventilation system in the bathrooms next to HR. The odor comes out of the bathrooms and gets trapped int he HR dept. Also, we don't want visitors who are coming into the building to be overcome with the odor.

Thanks for your cooperation.

That is excellent.

Were having a holiday party in the office right now.
Bosswilleatyou is into his first beer
He's getting loud and telling me he wants to be our next drummer.

You'd be a fool to turn him down. You know that, right?

You should tell him about the Wasted Aces.

[Colin sits at his desk working. Enter dude.]

Dude: "Excuse me, is that Meeting Room 8?"

[Colin turns to look at Meeting room 8]

Dude: "the room with the 8 on it?"
Colin: "Yeah, that would be.

[Exit dude.]

On facebook:

I was just in the stall in the bathroom here at work. Some dude walks in, steps up to the urinal outside the stall and proceeds to break massive wind. Then he says, "Awwww JESUS, that's workin' OVERTIME!". There is a few seconds silence, and he adds, "Guy's comin' up behind me......" and he sort of trails off into silence.

He finishes his business and leaves.

Yesterday afternoon I heard one of the secretaries here say,

"Bob Dylan, John Cougar, it don't matter I know they both got good music...now which one of 'em is it sings Two Tickets To Paradise?"

there should never been any talking in a public bathroom.

earlier this week:
"Kittens grow up too fast."

today the old pervert that likes to forward me emails of boobies is setting up his voice recognition software. this may be one of the funnier things i've ever overheard.

now he's showing it off. and it's not working as well as he wants it to.

"send email to Co Worker"
"subject: You're a dick"
"subject you ARE a dick"

Add a sampler to your band & throw these, et. al., into the mix.

Vegetarians eat chicken, right?

vegetarians hear that shit ALL the time.

we're moving downstairs to a smaller office.

they're putting me next to the old pervert.

fortunately he's stopped using his voice recognition software.

this morning he forwarded an email joke about a guy losing his dick in a car accident. he labeled it high priority.

get me out of here.

"ewwww, mom, no, there is no fetus in me"

"i don't know how that fag didn't come up on my gaydar"

why do you try and convince us that you don't share the same interests?

We had secret service in out office the other day, and two of the guys got really nervous. I think they were truly afraid that all their rightwing Obama bashing was being investigated or something. It was quite hilarious, especially when I later offhandedly mentioned that I saw some guy in a suit messing with the overhead lighting in one particularly Glen Beckian dude's office.

Apparently I was just in an impromptu peeing contest with a Jamaican fellow at the urinal next to me. He steps up to the 'tweener in between me and another guy, unzips, starts pissing, and says, "That's right..... that's right..... that's right....."

When I finished and walked away, he goes, "You won. You won."