What the....??????

31 Mar 05
REMEMBER, DON”T KILL THE MESSENGER

You know the old saying, “no news is good news”, well… that was the case as far as the recording process was going for the new Tool CD, but now things may have changed a bit. Yesterday, when I went to the studio to give Maynard a bottle of wine (a 1992 Maya) for winning the bet that I had with him involving his new film “Sleeping Dogs Lie” (I lost by default, not being able to attend the Sedona screening), not only wasn’t Maynard there, but, in what seems to be a case of enantiodromia (something becoming its opposite) if ever there was one (!), I was told the reason why he wasn’t there. I wish this post was dated April 1, but, unfortunately, it isn’t. Like a doctor giving a patient a straight, honest answer to a medical diagnosis, without sugar-coating the truth, here’s exactly what I was told: “Maynard has found Jesus.” This will come as a complete shock to most (but not all) of you, as it did to me. In fact, it just seemed like another MJK prank until I talked to the one person who I believe would know if all this was legit or not. After nearly an hour on the phone with this person, the answer I received was that Maynard has indeed “found Jesus” and that, for this reason, he’s abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely. I don’t know what the f**k is in the water these days, but hopefully a black jelly belly will turn up in that golden bowl… that’s all I can think to say at this point. Before leaving the studio, I watched as Danny made arrangements to go play some golf, while Adam and Justin kept working on a particular song. So, in case you missed it (those who don’t read the whole post), here’s today's news: Maynard has found Jesus…

--taken directly from the website www.toolband.com

Jesus needs a better hiding place.

It's a smart publicity stunt. It's not as good as 50 Cent's beef with Game, but it's still clever.

Damn. I never would have thought that.

Yeah it's a far cry from that line in Tool's Aenima that says "Beliefs are dangerous. Beliefs allow the mind to stop functioning. A non-functioning mind is clinicly dead. Believe in nothing."

This was posted March 31st. Early gag?

April Fools, anyone?

Kinda crazy. Part of me thought MJK was the antichrist. I know some friends that may be a bit irked by this "rediscovery".

He wrote to a geezer named Kabir to trumpet his new-found Christianity?

How insensitive. How very un-Tool-like.

I would expect that from someone from a misogynist, homophobe, bigot band like Korn... But, Tool, Got no.

I am almost as disappointed in the band now as when I heard Lateralus.

Initially, I was surprised (and disappointed I guess... Lateralus resonates with me quite a bit because of its mysticism; monty, once again, is trippin'). Last proper APC album was a tribute to 12-stepping, so there seems to be some sort of logical progression here. Assuming he still works on Tool/APC, I'm guessing the impact on the music itself will be minimal, and I think that's what most Tool fans care about.

wonderful. now i can like tool and not feel guilty about it.

Yes. And Jesus can be in their weird videos now. That'll rawk.

Perchance The Life of Brian recast in claymation? Mr Idle, make it so.

a claymation-meets-cgi jesus skulking anonymous dark hallways lugging a menacing cross glancing at barely-lit room corners filled with moist, squirmy maggots & garbage-seeking flies

how can you guys fall for this. dissapointing.

i dun like his music that much (anymore) but man, maynard has a good sense of humor

Oh yes. Denial is much better.

I think this is clearly a joke.

This, however, is not.
Korn Guitarist Finds Jesus

MTV's report on the matter

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/149961 ... lines=true

Now he's REALLY a tool.

I still think this a joke or at least some kind of Andy Kaufman-like performance art bizarreness. Let's keep in mind that this is the guy who wrote Opiate:

Opiate

Choices always were a problem for you.
What you need is someone strong to guide you.
Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow,
what you need is someone strong to use you...
like me,
like me.

If you want to get your soul to heaven,
trust in me.
Don't judge or question.
You are broken now,
but faith can heal you.
Just do everything I tell you to do.
Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow.
Let me lay my holy hand upon you.

My God's will
becomes me.
When he speaks out,
he speaks through me.
He has needs
like I do.
We both want
to rape you.

Jesus Christ, why don't you come save my life.
Open my eyes and blind me with your light
and your lies.

what the fuck? I am not shocked or surprised about this; it has been a long time coming. If Tool's music doesn't scream christianity i don't know what does. And just look at Maynard....i mean, come on.

if this is true this is unbelievably distressing.

Yeah, I can't think of many things more distressing than someone becoming a Christian. I mean, puhleeeze.

The only thing more distressing to happen in the last few years was, obviously, the Janet Jackson titty incident.

From what little I gleaned from Tool message boards about this, to say he "found Jesus" in the way most of you are thinking is pretty misleading. It sounds more like he's found some quasi-Christian mysticism espoused by some supposed modern-day prophetess.