I'm posting filler topics, I know... but I'm *trying* to keep it music-related!

http://jasonpinter.blogspot.com/2006/06 ... rland.html

Stay Far, Far Away From This Wonderland

So Friday night I went down to the Comedy Cellar, in my opinion the best stand up joint in New York. I go to the Cellar probably four or five times a year, and it's pretty much always a good show. I recognize a lot of the jokes by this point, but you can 100% count on a fun night. Plus sometimes the Cellar has surprise unannounced guest comedians, like a few years ago when Chris Rock showed up and did a terrific set.

Anyway, Friday's lineup looked pretty good. Sherrod Small, Dave Attell (one of my personal favorites), Jim Norton, and Kevin Brennan were scheduled. We settle in. Sherrod Small does a good set, as expected, and gets the crowd nice and rowdy. The next guy bombs on his first two jokes, so we're all anticipating an awkwardly quiet set, but he completely recovers and ends up being one of the highlights of the night. Another comedian or two, and then the M.C., Keith Robinson, announces a surprise guest. Immediately the audience perks up, and we can feel the electricity of anticipation.

Who could it be? we all wonder. Chris Rock? Adam Sandler? Jerry Seinfeld? Some other famous comedian?

So Keith Robinson continues. "Ladies and gentleman, you'll recognize our special guest from his mutli-platinum records, give it up for John Mayer!"

And everyone's reaction is the same. Uh...isn't he a singer?

But then there he is. John Mayer. Yes, that John Mayer. "Your Body is a Wonderland" John Mayer. And he's going to do stand up comedy for us. Um...what???

Mayer gets on stage. He's wearing a unibomber sweatshirt, and has long, scraggly hair. He's pretty tall and skinny. He's pacing around stage, leaning on the walls, slurring his words. It's pretty obvious the guy's drunk or stoned, maybe both. And he proceeds to give the most awkward, offensive, unfunny 15 minute comedy act I've ever seen. And I've been to amateur night. This was way worse. Mayer must have been the lucky recipient of some sort of Comedy Affirmative Action program.

Anyway, here's what we learned during John Mayer's rambling, disjointed "stand up":

1) Women are sluts (If you're expecting a punchline here...so were we. Didn't come.)
2) Lots of sluts have "unlocked their Masterlock" for him. Ew.
3) New Yorkers aren't really bothered much by terrorism. Cause there's like "Missiles and shit" constantly being launched at us and we're used to it. Um...right. Might want to quit while you're behind, John.
4) He lives up on a hill "away from the black people." (Danger, Will Robinson, danger)
5) If white people were allowed to use the 'N' word, he would use it about 1,000 times a day. And yes, Mayer did use the 'N' word during his act.

It was so bad, that the comedians following Mayer made fun of him. Not just "tee hee" kind of ribbing, but, "Can you believe that guy can hold a job" kind of ribbing. Now comedians are always ripping on each other in jest (one night I actually ended up drinking with Dave Attell at about 4 a.m., and learned that comedians are about the tightest group of people you could ever meet). But these guys were letting Mayer have it for imposing on their stage. Kevin Brennan, who had the good fortune of following Mayer (with the laugh-starved audience thankful to once again hear funny material), said, "Man, this is the best reception I've ever had. I want John Mayer to open for me every night."

When his set ended, John Mayer left by saying, "Ok, I'm off to write more songs."

Good idea, John. Don't quit your day job.

it seems that his foray into comedy should've ended with the "chappelle show" cameo.

stand up comedy is the single hardest artistic medium in the world.
everyone sucks the first three years.

It's too bad this isn't on YouTube or anything. Sounds like it would guarantee that Mayer will never be played on the radio again.

Which was brilliant, I might add. (Although he played music the whole time and didn't speak.)

While this may be true, it's just as true that not everyone is cut out for it.

But hey, not everyone's cut out to be a John Mayer apologist either...

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall, just to hear the awkward throat-clearing and coughs, sound of chairs sliding back away from the tables, and whispers of incredulity.

you're right, andy... youtube coverage would have been priceless.

I hope he makes it big with comedy and gives up this music thing. It's easier to ignore comedians then musicians.

so he tried to lenny bruce it...

is everyone baldly racist in the first three years?

[quote=]When his set ended, John Mayer left by saying, "Ok, I'm off to write more songs."[/quote]

I can't believe no one has commented on the brutality of this line.

it's not like there's any way that he could have succeeded at this and NOT had the indelligensia all blogasming about how he failed, is there? no matter what he did, dorks were going to register on the internet within minutes that it, and he, sucks. I'm sure that he was probably terrible, but seriously, the respondents have less credibility than he does.

90%* of all comedy is race related, but when you suck it comes off as racist.



















*from a gallup poll conducted in my bedroom from watching BET for five minutes.

Yeah. That was the funniest thing he apparently said. Although it was more like adding insult to injury.

One, are we sure that it really was him? Not that I care, but it would be pretty damned funny if Joey Bagadonuts from down the block dressed up in a unabomber sweatshirt and hit the stage as John Mayer.

Second, how was David Attel? Dude usually cracks me up.

Funny. John Mayer's on Opie & Anthony talking about this whole thing. He's totally admitting bombing that night. Whatever, I give the guy props for trying something different. I'd love to see anyone here, including myself, try and do stand-up.

Every time I listen to an interview, I'm consistantly impressed with him.

are you serious? he's mediocre at best. and i believe he lied through his teeth when he said that he hadn't heard any classic rock growing up.

Yes I'm serious.

What's mediocre? His Music? If so, I'm not talking about that.

Oh. Well carry on then. I was referring to his music.