Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2004 1:20 pm Posts: 7730 Location: Portland, OR
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I'm posting filler topics, I know... but I'm *trying* to keep it music-related!
http://jasonpinter.blogspot.com/2006/06 ... rland.html
Stay Far, Far Away From This Wonderland
So Friday night I went down to the Comedy Cellar, in my opinion the best stand up joint in New York. I go to the Cellar probably four or five times a year, and it's pretty much always a good show. I recognize a lot of the jokes by this point, but you can 100% count on a fun night. Plus sometimes the Cellar has surprise unannounced guest comedians, like a few years ago when Chris Rock showed up and did a terrific set.
Anyway, Friday's lineup looked pretty good. Sherrod Small, Dave Attell (one of my personal favorites), Jim Norton, and Kevin Brennan were scheduled. We settle in. Sherrod Small does a good set, as expected, and gets the crowd nice and rowdy. The next guy bombs on his first two jokes, so we're all anticipating an awkwardly quiet set, but he completely recovers and ends up being one of the highlights of the night. Another comedian or two, and then the M.C., Keith Robinson, announces a surprise guest. Immediately the audience perks up, and we can feel the electricity of anticipation.
Who could it be? we all wonder. Chris Rock? Adam Sandler? Jerry Seinfeld? Some other famous comedian?
So Keith Robinson continues. "Ladies and gentleman, you'll recognize our special guest from his mutli-platinum records, give it up for John Mayer!"
And everyone's reaction is the same. Uh...isn't he a singer?
But then there he is. John Mayer. Yes, that John Mayer. "Your Body is a Wonderland" John Mayer. And he's going to do stand up comedy for us. Um...what???
Mayer gets on stage. He's wearing a unibomber sweatshirt, and has long, scraggly hair. He's pretty tall and skinny. He's pacing around stage, leaning on the walls, slurring his words. It's pretty obvious the guy's drunk or stoned, maybe both. And he proceeds to give the most awkward, offensive, unfunny 15 minute comedy act I've ever seen. And I've been to amateur night. This was way worse. Mayer must have been the lucky recipient of some sort of Comedy Affirmative Action program.
Anyway, here's what we learned during John Mayer's rambling, disjointed "stand up":
1) Women are sluts (If you're expecting a punchline here...so were we. Didn't come.) 2) Lots of sluts have "unlocked their Masterlock" for him. Ew. 3) New Yorkers aren't really bothered much by terrorism. Cause there's like "Missiles and shit" constantly being launched at us and we're used to it. Um...right. Might want to quit while you're behind, John. 4) He lives up on a hill "away from the black people." (Danger, Will Robinson, danger) 5) If white people were allowed to use the 'N' word, he would use it about 1,000 times a day. And yes, Mayer did use the 'N' word during his act.
It was so bad, that the comedians following Mayer made fun of him. Not just "tee hee" kind of ribbing, but, "Can you believe that guy can hold a job" kind of ribbing. Now comedians are always ripping on each other in jest (one night I actually ended up drinking with Dave Attell at about 4 a.m., and learned that comedians are about the tightest group of people you could ever meet). But these guys were letting Mayer have it for imposing on their stage. Kevin Brennan, who had the good fortune of following Mayer (with the laugh-starved audience thankful to once again hear funny material), said, "Man, this is the best reception I've ever had. I want John Mayer to open for me every night."
When his set ended, John Mayer left by saying, "Ok, I'm off to write more songs."
Good idea, John. Don't quit your day job.
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