I just got back! Shit! Your not going to fucking believe this!

I went out to get a newspaper and bread and this car followed me down the road. Anyway it sped off and I thought "phew that was a bit scary" but then this UNMARKED van with NO NUMBER PLATES drives up on to the pavement and men in SKI MASKS leapt out and the leader said "Cease the Obnerite!" and you know what? I was just to scared to run or anything! I just stood there. Well until I got coshed across the head with a RUBBER BATON.

Anyway I came to in the back of the van and I heard them talking about how OBNER had to be stopped at ALL COSTS so as not to pose a threat to something they refered to as THE RECKONING. I couldn't see because I had a HEAVY WOOLLEN BLANKET drapped over my huddled, shivering form and sometimes they would kick me through it and say stuff like "FUCK YOU, YOU OBNERITE SCUM!". And they stamped on my fingers a couple of times.

Anyway the van stopped and I decided as soon as they pulled me outside I was just going to leg it. So they rough handled me out the back of the van into what seemed to be SOME SORT OF FORESTRY PLANTATION which pine trees on either side of a DIRT ROAD. So as soon as my legs touched the ground I just pelted it down the road shouting over my shoulder "YAH BUNCH A FANNIES!". I got a good head start due to the surprise element but then when I looked round again they were gaining as they seemed to posses SUPER HUMAN SPEED. Suddenly it all made sense - they were clearly GENETIC MUTANTS BREED BY THE MILITARY.

Fortunately I had a trick up my sleeve. Luckily I was BROUGHT UP BY SQUIRRELS so I scrambled up a tree and escaped by JUMPING FROM BRANCH TO BRANCH.

Anyway what I'm basically saying is be carefully out there because there's definately something very odd going on. I'm about to search all the cupboards and ventilation shafts in my building armed with a plug flex.

Yup, this clearly goes above and beyond. Well done, sir.



Scotts, 1
Continentals, 0

Who is Scott? Do you mean "Scots"?