So I've come to the realisation that nobody seems to pay any attention to me. It's rather discouraging. I've been on the obner since it was founded and I was at CMJ for a while before then. Maybe it's just because I don't post a ton? I don't know.

Anyway, in an attempt to raise my spirits, I want you to post one fact you know about me. It can be anything at all. The intent is that I'll be surprised that I'm not as unknown as I think.

If, however, the result is the opposite and nobody even knows my real name. Well, that'll be further incentive for me to post more.

Boooooorrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnng.

who are you?

aren't you the one that likes the gin blossoms?

I think you're still in high school or recently graduated, have dark hair and started out on CMJ as Blazing Arrow or some other Neil Young related name before settling in on alongdrive. If I've got that wrong, don't worry...its not you its me. I could barely follow the transformation of Sketchy_C into Sketch.

np: Gerson Conrad "Rosto Mercado"

I know the real names of maybe 5 or 6 people on this board, so don't feel so bad. Hell, I don't even know the names of 2 CMJers I met in real life. I was at CMJ from pretty much the beginning, but I doubt anyone on that or this board knows much about me.

Be afraid if you're virtually unknown in "real life."

You are fourteen years old. You are hairless. You smell vaguely of burning inner tubes and goat spit. You are allergic to nipples. Your favorite dessert is garlic cake. You seldom wear socks, preferring to cloak your bunion-covered feet in the warm, oily handkerchiefs you've collected over the years from portly men in bus stations. You've never had a dog as a pet, but believe ardently that you were the King of Dogs in a past life. You make a mean potato daquiri. If you were a color, you'd be orange dots.









I might be thinking of someone else.

You are Harley. You once posted your CD collection asking what you should weed out. I helped defend some of your past purchases because I was once there. Also, I think you said something nice about my revealed picture one time.

i'm pretty sure you're young(er), in Canada, and were trying to name a band after a Pavement song awhile back. I think you ended up going with Silence Kit, but I don't remember.

I wouldn't get too down about people not remembering stuff here. Just post a lot of inane shit that has nothing to do with music. It didn't work for me, but you're probably a lot more interesting than you let on.

Well, Cotton and Stacy know a bit. And elephant knows something obscure. That's intriguing enough, rightt there.

was radcliffe right?

Your obner name is AlongDrive, you have 300 some odd posts, and your from some province in Canada I have never heard of..

What do i win??

heh heh.

Don't you have spiky hair?



Yeah, that's all I got.

I know your posts are usually either worth reading or at least don't make me roll my eyes, and that's worth a lot more than your a/s/l.

You sit next to me in the Obner yearbook. Why are you looking at me that way?

Fitter. Happier. More productive.

The key to getting noticed around here is simply to bludgeon the reading audience with trivia, pedantic observations, personal problems and half witted opinions.

As proof, I received more birthday greetings than anyone else in recent Obner history so you can take it from me this method is of the utmost effectiveness.

I know you started a 1000 greatest indie-rock songs thread on CMJ, which only got to like 600

I also know you had a faux-hawk at one point and I recently made fun of you for it in that thread where you tricked us all.

Did anybody else open this expecting a story about failing out of vocational school?

yes.

Bra-vo.

I suggest you find a clever way of incorporationg your actual name into your username... it supposedly has worked for some.

I stopped trying to figure out most of your names when you all started changing your usernames constantly. I figured, If you all can't figure out who you are, then why the hell should I try.

That said, I'm not entirely sure I even know myself, so I'm not exactly one to talk here.

Just keep on keeping on, continue posting about relevant things, and don't sweat the rest of it. And seeing as I am actually interested in the movie opening this weekend EVEN IF IT SUCKS, in the immortal words of Douglas Adams, DON'T PANIC!

Excerpt From the Drs. Konstantinl, LooGAR and frostingspoon assertiveness seminar aired during the PBS spring pledge drive. Available now on DVD.