snapping is not, and should never be incorporated into or perceived as dancing.

if you're constantly telling people how crazy you are how how little sleep you get, you're probably not crazy or sleep-deprived.

putting "In Memory of Lil Homie" or some other dead person on your car window does not now, nor will it ever, pay respect to the dead. Sadly, this also includes 9/11 victims.

shaved pubic hair is weird and disgusting on both men and women. also, untrimmed.

booze does not solve all of life's problems, just the important ones.

eating disorders are not diseases.

unless you're blind or the person's mother, don't touch somebody's face/

Related to this is that running away from your troubles often does help. Additionally, some things are best solved by violence.

Shaved is always weird and disgusting, while the importance of trimming varies with the hirsuteness of the individual in question. There needs to be a heirarchy of ick before I'll be down with this one being universal.

This also applies to people who will spend 10 minutes telling you that they never lie.

I'm not a fan of the shaved; it reminds me of raw poultry. I'm cool with the untamed wilderness, but sometimes a little thinning don't hurt.

I'm completely down with the face touching thing.

this one doesn't bother me but I can do without all of the make-shift memorials that people are cluttering up the highway with

You have to hide the ice creams bars from your kids/roomates or you will only get one.

Oh, and also:

Once food passes your lips, it is never to be seen again, unless for some reason you peek into bowl after wiping to see if you have worms.

This includes talking and spitting it out or letting spaghetti fall back on your plate.

you should never, ever wear clothing that matches with anything other than other clothing you have on

any dog that is small enough to be named "tinkerbell" or "honey pie" prbably shouldn't exist. i can't believe i know those names.

if your religion requires you to stand outside the the planned parenthood in my neighborhood with pictures of dead babies, you're probably betting on the wrong horse. oh, and i will stinkbomb you.

94% of all published magazines are for complete idiots. i read 64% of them.

if a dog is smaller than your foot then you are morally obligated to kick it.

more than three cats means you're crazy.

The letter A never appears in the word "definitely".

Yes! Thank you! This needed to be said. My problem with it is that nothing about what that person has done pays any respect to the dead. People dedicate books, buildings, etc. to their loved ones because it is something they created in their honor. An effort was made. What exactly about your completely stock Chevy Cavalier is "in honor" of your fallen homeslice? Peeling the backing off a sticker and applying the decal to your window does equate to an effort. I would like to take razorblade to each and every one of these.

And those goddamned "support our troops" ribbons! So, what, if you don't have one, you don't support our troops? I especially get chuffed by the ones that have been on cars so long that the colors have faded and you can barely read what they say. This says it all.

What if you have five and are allergic to cats, he says rhetorically.

The song "Happy Birthday To You" is one of the shortest songs in the known universe, UNTIL it is being sung to you, then, by the power of Einstein's theory of relativity, it somehow becomes the longest song known to man.

If you are in a conversation of more than five people and one person offers that their birthday is _________(insert any given day of the calender year here), inevitably two other people in the conversation will offer their birthdays with a "oh yeah?, My Birthday is ________ (Whatever day their birthday falls on - usually the closest to the originally mentioned birthday offers theirs first, then, others follow with further and further distant days of birthing).

No one, AND I MEAN NO ONE can eat just one cookie after opening the bag. If offered one, sure then thats all you've got, but if you are the package opener, you are eating more than one cookie.

Psychics are phonies. If they actually knew so much, they wouldn't be working out of cheap store fronts in nearly abandon strip malls on the side of the highway.

This applies to everything. My dad always told me that the guys with the craziest war stories were the ones shuffling papers in Saigon.

I thought this was going to be about Guided by Voices.

Creamy peanut butter is obsolete.

All the guys I'm attracted to live too far away or are unattainable.

Mangoes are a delicious fruit.

Gazing at blue skies with white puffy clouds can never be tiring.

what about Jazz hands?

definitely.

Crunchy peanut butter is disgusting. I do not appreciate feeling like I'm encountering shards of gravel while eating my otherwise very soft sandwich.

If you are over the age of 12, you are not to take a baseball glove with you to the game.

also an excellent call.

this thread is great.

Smoothness in peanut butter is necessary. Crunchiness impedes careful and correct spreading. On a similar wavelength, trimming/shaving is also necessary, for essentially the same reason.