A few days ago I had this "conversation" with a warehouse club greeter.

Me (showing membership card): Hi. Where's the soda cans?
Clerk: (looks blankly)
Me: ...soda.
Clerk: Huh?
Me: I'm looking for the soda.
Clerk: (no reply)
Me: Soda...Pop.
Clerk: (points in other direction) We have drinks at our food court.
Me: No, I'm looking to buy some soda cans, you know, cans of pop
Clerk:You mean a soda can machine?
Me: No! I want to know where you keep your cans of soda (its a big store)
Clerk: eh?
Me: Cans of soda!...Sodapop!
Clerk:I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.
Me: Look, you sell cans of pop here, right?
Clerk: (suspiciously) Yes.
Me: Where are they?
Clerk: (in smartass voice) In the store.
Me: Where in the store?
Clerk: (waves her arm vaguely) In the middle.
Me: Exactly, where in the middle?
Clerk: Well, if you go towards the middle of the...
Me: (cutting her off) Great. Thanks. Nevermind.
Me: (under my breath) Hopeless.

haha, this is great. maybe you needed to be more specific with exactly what brand of soda you were looking for. or maybe that would've just confused her more.

There's some dude who works the register at a Walgreen's near me that's like 42 or so. I guess at Walgreen's they have to give you the receipt or you get $5, so everytime I'm in there buying just a drink or something he never hands me the receipt (I don't think he hands anyone the receipt) and I never usually take it because who needs a receipt for a drink? He always fucking mutters under his breath whenever someone doesn't take the receipt and I just wanna grab him by his clip on tie and jam the receipt up his nose.

There's another kid at a local CVS that acts like he's in pain just to be alive.

[obligatory mitch hedberg quote]I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut - I'll just give you money and you give me the donut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this.[/obligatory mitch hedberg quote]

I think I have enough pride never to work as a clerk but if I ever do end up working at a till or in a shop I will, without doubt, go out of my way to annoy and plain infuriate as many customers as possible.

When i worked at the record store i used to love it when someone would try to return a cassette with the vague complaint that "it didn't play right" and i'd keep asking questions until i got them to admit that it just sucked and say "yeah, it does, doesn't it" and slide it back to them across the counter. wankers.

Walgreens clerk: "Do you like wrestling?"

Me: "Nah, not really."

Walgreens clerk: "Well, I'm having people over on Saturday to watch Wrestlemania. You should come. We'll have pizza...AND BEER!"

Me: "Uh, that's okay man."

Walgreens clerk: "Well, just let me know. Oh (<-- pointing to my 2-liter bottle of Coke), you should have bought the Coke that was on sale!"

Me: "I didn't see any."

Walgreens clerk: "It's right here." (<-- points to ad for some shitty grape soda)

Me: "Oh well." (<-- fighting back laughter)

This dude had served me one time before.

so it's true that some people call ALL soda Coke?

In the South, yeah.

I don't, and a lot of people in the city don't, but growing up in Alabama, everyone did.

Clerk: points at my Gary Numan T-shirt I met him once.
Me: Oh, yeah?
Clerk: Yeah. He was cool.
Me: He's my hero.
Clerk: Yeah, mine too.

That's pretty much how most of mine go. Unless it's Pink Floyd or Black Sabbath, then it's like:

Clerk: Floyd/Sabbath!
Me: Bangs head and raises hand in rock'n'roll "devil's horns" salute

Although this one time, a chick clerk told me that they did a musical version of Neil Gaiman's Sandman, which is a rather bizarre concept which I can't fathom.

Dude -- she was fucking with you, or she wanted you. One or the other. I've seen it before.

Dusty- seriously. Shut the fuck up.