Anybody had to do one of these?

I'm in a wedding next weekend for one of my oldest friends and as such I will be making a toast at the rehearsal dinner.

These things can be tricky. I don't want to be a sap and I don't want to try and be too funny either. Most people AREN"T comedians and attempts at humor can go down in flames.

I guess I'm just asking what a good approach to these is.

What are some goods ones you've heard?

I figure I'll just tell them how I feel but I also don't want to just "wing it".


OR, should I just drop trow and smear crabcakes on my chest?

Just do me a favor. Don't try to be all macho and say stupid things. Let your true emotions come out. Be sincere. That's all that matters.

I'm probably not the one to ask. I openly WEPT while giving the best man speech at the Cap'N's wedding.

Ask Bloor, he gives a speech no matter if he's supposed to or not. But always seems to come out smelling like roses.

This is much easier than one would realize, following this template:

1) We've been friends forever
-- stupid anecdote if you wanna
2) grown up a lot

3) Never seen him happier
-- moment you knew he was serious if you wanna

4) Beautiful life together


If you do this even close to correctly, there will be open sobbing

<---------Has brought down the house at one or 2 of these things.

Last bit advice: avoid drinking too much before the big speech, or you will turn into "Bobo the Simpleminded" aka Yail Bloor.

I always use a formula of pointing out one of the subject best qualities (in the roughneck circles you wander in this may be tough), and then tell a anecdote from the past (containing at least a few chuckleworthy moments) as an example of this trait.

Definitely plan it out (even writing it down aint a crime---just dont tell anybody you wrote it down, keep it loose)

My limit is 1 minute max.

Be sincere, try to be funny (just dont be obscure or make people uncomfortable).

Make sure to mention the bride and something about how glad you are that your boy finally found that girl to finally "straighten him out" or whatever........

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Fucking knew this would come up.............



This too........

I've only made one, for my big bro's wedding, and I hate to toot my own horn, but I slayed the audience. I did give myself a few weeks preparation to write the thing and revision it, and even took a stab at reciting the 4-page, 12-font double-spaced behemoth. I was well wankered by the time I had to speak, so that at least calmed the nerves. I highly suggest you do the same.

Be brutally honest. Tell a couple anecdotes, lay a few puns. Keep it under five minutes. Don't get sappy - it's a wedding, not a wake. Apply only a few crabcakes to your chest, then layer with hummus.

Kind of weak, but you could always start out with the somewhat classic "Can you all hear me in the back? In that case, I'll take a whiskey - neat." Ba-da-bum!

I had to do it for my best friends wedding four years ago.

I have a tremendous fear of speaking in front of people...

But i set up a nice 2 minute toast, thats was funny, and sweet...

By the time I had to speak, I was so nervous, I basicaly ad libbed, got in the cute funny part, and said my congrats....

it went over like gang busters. crowd ate it up...short and sweet....


my opinion now? nobody really cares except for maybe the parents....people wanna eat and drink and dance. they dont wanna hear people trying to be funny and charming.....try and keep it short.

Isn't this why Power Point was invented?

Last Oct. and I was shitting myself, but it came off great and you wouldn't know how nervous I was by looking at the wedding video.

My toast was about 5 minutes. I had cues written on index cards, but didn't need to use them because I knew the toast backwards and forwards.

1.Tell how you met the dude
2.Amusing anecdotes which will have people goofing on the groom, but you don't want to completely bury him.
3.Some sentimental stuff about your friendship.
4. Tell the bride that she looks beautiful. If you know some nice stuff about her share it.
5.Close by thanking everyone for coming and than ask everyone to raise their glasses to help you toast your buddy and his beautiful new bride. Keep the actual toast simple.
6.Drink up

Steve

heh heh. I like it.


My biggest problem is that I want to give some anecdotes from our high school days but I don't really remember them. Most involved drinking and partying.

He's a great friend but we both went to different colleges and he lived in NYC for about 4 years so we haven't hung out that many times in the last few years.

So your toast goes like this:

GOOD GOD BUBBA.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Kurtz Krause, CONSISTENTLY THE FUNNIEST DUDE I KNOW!

Honestly though, Derris may be one of the only guys I know who could actually deliver that shit with a totally straight face.

Derris is the definition of a "straight man" He's so fucking funny in his dryness that it makes me nervous. A damn genius.

One of my extremely shy best friends at the RD:

"As many of you know, Matt and I grew up next door to each other. And we were geeks. And it was fun." (sets mic down)

i honestly think that all of you guys are in love with each other.

HAHA!

I guess I could go off on a tangent about how we co-founded our fictional band S.W.A.P.S. or Sex With A Power Saw.

"You know pal we never did reach the masses but damn it we did some good work together."

I could finish it by screaming the chorus to our theme song:

SEX WITH A POWER SAW!!
SEX WITH A POWER SAW!!"
SEX WITH A POWER SAW!!

FUCK OFF!!


"I love you guys. Health and Happiness. SALUD!"

It does make sense. Georgia does have more carpet - flooring, I mean - than people. It's like the sheep in New Zealand... You use what's there.

Not everybody can be a celebrity and get comp'd at the Gold Club, either.

maybe, but Crack, I've kinda noticed that you seem to wanna hate all your friends. Dude, you've never struck me as a victim or a pussy. C'mon man, you had friends at some point, right?

Ok, I love my friends........Sooooo, is that another hit on my indie-cred b/c my default reaction is to give things(people in this case) a chance instead of hating it/them?

probably not. i had a hell of a time coming up with people that i actually wanted to invite to my wedding. also i've moved around so much that i haven't known people for extended periods very often. and i don't like people very much.

i'm just saying that all this talk of the Ghey may be hinting at something deeper.

Reminds me of this guy:










And would you believe it? Earnest boy-wonder Ian MacKaye ("Mr. Egg Gumbo") appeared on this record... Politically correct?

I hate people too sometimes.

Nah, I think that we probably are the Hick Homophobes that everybody accuses us of being. But the subterfuge excites OPIE! and his like-minders and I'm not gonna deny a dude (even a dude who likes other dudes) his cheap thrills....