Max's Silver Hammers 58.90
Knights Who Say Ni 68.87
Maybe he's attached to a higher power, but coach Sketch manages to keep winning in spite of himself after starting 1-3. Without 3 of his running backs, 2 wide receivers, and a kicker out due to bye/injury, team captain Shaun Alexander was asked to carry the load once again... he didn't. Somehow, recent pick-ups Doug Gabriel (Rec: 5 - 101 - 0) and Brandon Jones (Rec: 2 - 50 - 1) sparked a team effort that carried them the rest of the way. It was ugly, but it was enough to beat Max's squad. Outside the Giant pair of Tiki Barber (Rush: 86 - 1, Rec: 6 - 24 - 0) and Amani Toomer (Rec: 8 - 62 - 1), the Hammers had nothing to show this week. This is a franchise that has been ravaged by injury and found difficulty recovering. "I officially suck" was the mantra of coach Max's post-game press conference, and most would agree with the sentiment.

Repeat Offenders 70.27
elephantstoners 112.27
The stoner faithful accused the press of bias after their team's capturing of the top spot received little acclaim. Nothing could be further from the truth after this week's victory; all the reporters are ghey for j. Who wouldn't be after watching team captain Edgerrin James (Rush: 139 - 2, Rec: 1 - 8 )? Antonio Gates and Az-Zahir Hakim each had a receiving touchdown, and Warrick Dunn's 155 rushing yards Monday night were icing on the cake. Highest score of the week, top of the standings, and a four-game winning streak. The stoners are certainly riding high at the moment. The Offenders seem to heading the other way after their second consecutive loss. Plaxico Burress (Rec: 6 - 84 - 1) had the most success this week, and the rest of the team's contribution didn't stack up. To be fair, Corey Dillon was on bye and Darrell Jackson was injured, so they certainly weren't at full strength. That didn't stop coach Husker from saying that his team "has officially become a middle-of-the-pack non-contender." The current standings disagree, though. If the season ended today, he's in the playoffs. Perhaps he's using reverse psychology on his team, but it's difficult to imagine the defending champion giving up halfway through the season.

Gilead Gunslingers 93.13
El Nacho de Muerte 98.20
Given some of the other results this week, it's a shame either of these teams had to lose. It's gonna be a rough week in Gilead as coach backspace tried to figure out what went wrong. It certainly wasn't Donald Driver (Rec: 8 - 114 - 1) or his running game, which combined for 237 yards and a touchdown. A few reporters mentioned starting Wesley Walker and Dane Looker over TJ Houshmandzadeh. "Yeah, you guys always sound smarter in hindsight, don't you? I had perfectly good reasons to bench TJ. Walker's great on special teams and... what do you mean return yards don't count? What?" Look for a more focused attack from the Gunslingers next week. Meanwhile, coach nacho seems to be the short term benefactor of Portis-Jones trade as Sir Clinton (Rush: 101 - 3, Rec: 1 - 12) made his mark. With Brian Westbrook and Larry Johnson, coach nacho just may have the deepest rushing attack in the league, and that will help him down the stretch. Considering the underperforming receiving cast, El Nacho has proven themselves to be a force in the first half of the season.

timmyjoe42er's 59.80
Rex and the Jedi 47.57
Speaking of forces, what cosmic alignment caused this result? Peyton is still disappointing. One one player from scrimmage scored a touchdown. Two of his starters got the goose-egg. Coach timmy could not explain it. "I suck, but I win." While the statement is certainly true for this week, his playoff chances aren't the best. Granted, anything can happen in the second half, but outside a quaterback's return-to-form there may not be much hope. Where that hope should be is with Coach Spade, who seems to have already written off the rest of the season. Priest Holmes (Rush: 90 - 2 - 1) continues to perform despite playing in a committee, DeShaun Foster is on bye, and Tony Fisher is the new man in Green Bay. His passing game is a little thin, but the standing show Rex and the Jedi only one game and 50 points of a playoff spot with 6 games to go. We'll see how he reacts to adversity next week.

The Sunlandic Twins 72.33
Execute Plan 9 108.93
Coach C-man cannot get a break. When's he off, he's really off. When he's somewhat on, his opponent beats him anyway. Daunte Culpepper (Pass: 280 - 2 TD / 0 INT, Rush: 41 - 0) acted a bit like his old self. His two main Jets, Curtis Martin and Laverneus Coles, did pretty OK this week as well. Heck, he would have had ten more points had he started a kicker that actually played this week. "Minor details," reassured his fans and the press after the game. Still, despite some encouraging performances, he can't stack up to the Plan. Who can these days? Steven Jackson (Rush: 97 - 2, Rec: 2 - 19 - 0) continues to excel. The receiving core of Keenan McCardell, Hines Ward, and Heath Miller also caught quite a bit of attention... not to mention Lawrence Tynes's kicking game. It goes without saying, though, that coach Billz is never satisfied "I still ain't got no stinking QB." Yes, season All-Star Drew Bledsoe had a down week, but if he comes back coach Billz will be hard to stop.

The Grape Rush 88.77
3.2% Evil 60.50
Of course, hard-to-stop is how many people describe LaDanian Tomlinson, but somebody found a way this week. The rest of the team had a difficult time compensating despite the best efforts from special teams and Reggie Wayne (Rec: 9 - 89 - 0). "Well, Fred Taylor *was* out on bye, maybe that affected team chemsitry or something... Yeah, that's it." rationalized a distraught coach Marco. Given their place in the standings, it's hard to imagine this being anything but a bump in the road for 3.2% Evil. This game, however, is just what coach Ripple needed to get everything back on track. Santana Moss (Rec: 5 - 112 - 1) continues to dominate, and Chris Chambers (Rec: 2 - 88 - 1) contributed a bit as well. Still, it's not going to be an easy ride for the Rush. Ahman Green is out for the season, and Kyle Johnson (Rec: 2 - 37 - 1) may have just had his best performance of the season. The season may very well rest on the shoulders of one Donnie Mac. "That's why he's captain, right? He get the big bucks to inspire everybody else. He didn't have the best game, but we won. I really can't complain."

Sack of Worms 75.60
Andyfest 103.33
Perhaps coach jagged moved to Sunlandia. On one of his best games, he yet again faces an opponent scoring in triple digits. No matter than Ronnie Brown (Rush: 95 - 1, Rec: 2 - 15) and the St. Louis defense had fine outings. It just wasn't in the cards for the Sack, and they find themselves all alone in the cellar. "Hey, I'm scoring more points than that Lovepump bastard, and I stole his teamname kinda. I've got something, baby. I'm only three games out. It's comeback time!!!!" We'll see how jagged's endearing optimism carries him through the second half. Meanwhile, coach Andy maintains his parton-saint-of-rookie-coaches status thanks to six of his starters scoring in double digits. Willie Parker (Rush: 131 - 1) seemed to remember what made him so good earlier this season, and Kevin Curtis (Rush: 5 - 1, Rec: 4 - 90 - 0) picked up a bit of the slack caused by the Rams' receiver injuries. Within a game and 50 point of the top spot, things are looking well for the Andyfest.

Lick my Lovepump 58.90
Greased-up Deaf Guys 47.40
You thought Sketch and Timmy were lucky? Coach robotboy takes the cake this week. "You see, it's all about intimidation," theorized the Lovepump head as he stoked on another victory cigar. "You gotta psyche people out and let them think they can walk right over you. Then you stand up right at the end and kick 'em in the nads. Works every time." This case, the nad-attack was led my the receivers and special teams play, particulary All-Star Terrell Owens (Rec: 7 - 53 - 1) and Marcus Robinson (Rec: 3 - 60 - 1). As the only .500 team in the league, they prime themselves for anything that the second half brings. Coach paper, meanwhile, is in a stranger predicament. They didn't expect to perform well given the starters on bye week, but with Holt and Moss listed as doubtful (or worse) things got pretty ugly. Only Moss and Kevan Barlow (Rush: 54 - 1) managed to score more than 10 points. One wonders if/when/how the Deaf Guys will rebound from their last two setbacks.

Bolsheviks in Space 31.63
The Mendoza Line 70.30
This may be a new low point for CMJ/Obner football. The irony for coach Lambchop is that all the positive points came from Marvin Harrison (Rec: 7 - 65 - 1), Ladell Betts, and Olindo Mare. Everyone else bageled excpet for Trent Dilfer, whose three interceptions lead him into negative point production. Coach jehrico counted his blessing as Brett Favre (Pass: 315 - 2 TD / 0 INT) lead his boys to victory. The win keeps him in the thick of the playoff race, and solid bench performances from Aaron Brooks and Mewelde Moore show that he may not be sticking around the top half of the standing for a while. History has shown the Mendoza Line to always compete, and this year is no exception.

Rocket Sauce 107.27
Schadenfreude 73.77
After an 0-3, coach bitterbuffalo must be the happiest man alive... or at least the most bipolar. The Sauce keeps on going with a dominant win over the Germans. Lamont Jordan (Rush: 122 - 3, Rec: 4 - 40) was the obvious difference in this game. Each starter kicked in a little, but nobody else outside Alanta's defense really stood out. At this pace, the sauce will prove that its total points lead is justfied and continue to climb up the standings. Meanwhile, coach Joy's team is still in the midst of a topsy-turvey season with a respectable but losing effort. Mike Anderson (Rush: 120 - 1) fared well, but the rest of the team failed to compensate. A few superstars were on bye, and Julius Jones is still recovering from injury. Only time will tell if the Schadenfreude can manifest its namesake this season.



Week 7 All-Stars
QB: Daunte Culpepper
RB: Lamont Jordan, Clinton Portis
WR: Donald Driver, Santana Moss, Az-Zahir Hakim, Kevin Curtis
K: Lawrence Tynes
D: Atlanta, Arizona

Season All-Stars
QB: Brett Favre
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson, Shaun Alexander
WR: Santana Moss, Steve Smith, Terrel Owens, Torry Holt
K: Neil Rackers
D: Indianapolis

no shit, I think I've got my worst two weeks behind me though, if my recievers can somehow stay healthy...Caddilac and Brady coming off bye weeks should help.

Excellent report. I can't believe I'm still able to eek out wins with Gonzalez and Green underperforming so much. I can't keep counting on Willie Parker, he's just not going to be consistent.

thanks sketch.

my run might end this week...edgerrin james AND warrick dunn on bye.

Ssshhhhh... don't give it away!

I am expecting another loss this weekend against Nacho (Vick, Crumpler with byes and Jackson still injured), but after dropping to 4-4, I'll make another run.