So i'm at a party last weeked, and i somehow got in a conversation with this straight edge emo tosser, and i couldn't find an escape route. Anyway, after a while he says:

"my dad like... grounded me and shit. *long pause* have you ever stared into the edge of a razor blade and thought, 'what if..?'"

Naturally, i felt this wave of laughter building up from with in, so i turned away from him, and i soon erupted like Vesuvius. I was having spasms and my abs hurt so bad i was laughing so hard.

Then afterwards i asked some chick about him, and she said "oh, he used to smoke weed a little bit for like a month last year".

Seriously, what's wrong with these people?

id like to take this oppurtunity to point out that tosser doesnt seem to be used by anyone apart from Aus/Nzers

I used it casually once in the office and got some pretty harsh looks... as if I had said See You Next Tuesday or something.

make sure next time you give him some words of advice

tosser = an idiot.

often prefixed by adjectives such as "Fucking Little ..."

also:tosspot

Fair crack of the whip. I'm fed up to the back teeth with these seppos thinkin' this cane toad's an ocker dero with a few roos loose in the back paddock just cuz my gob yabbers with an O.S. dialect. It's London to a brick that i'm different, and i go flat out like a lizard drinkin' to make sure i'm legible, so quit pointing out that i stand out like a kelpie's balls cause it makes me mad as a cut snake.

alright now you're just being stupid

yes, yes i am.

But you realize, now we, as Americans, are actually going to think you Oceanians talk like this.

... And after the struggle to overcome Paul Hogan as Crocodile Dundee.

all power to y'all. I love the American representation of Australia. It's genuinely funny, not even in an ironic way. Australian jokes are hilarious.

Do they still have Xs on their hands?

I'd love to be able to throw out "tosser" but see it doesnt sound as cool with my accent...I'd have to throw out the sad American-ized approximation of an Australian accent and then its just a bad Outback Steakhouse commercial. And nobody needs that.

Carry on, mates.

Poofters.

Maybe he should've smoked weed for a lot longer -- it would've set him ..erm...straight.

Poofter is virtually extinct now. Occasionally you'll get 'poof' but even that's a rarity these days.

Tosser is an excellent insult and still in usage but maybe that's because it has an 'r' at the end and that always sounds good in a Scottish accent.

They get off on not getting off. Tell him, "nah, it's not worth it, you just need to get laid".

I've drank alcohol a total of two occasions in my life. I smoked weed once about 10 years ago.

And I've NEVER had the temptation to call myself "straightedge" for even a millisecond. Why would you base your lifestyle on what you DON'T do?