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 Post subject: Fantasy Football - Week 8 Final Report
PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 9:46 am 
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frostingspoon
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Execute Plan 9 94.33
Knights Who Say Ni 64.00

Coach Sketch went into this once expecting a loss. "Billz is great, and my main man Shaun (Alexander) is on bye. You think I stand a chance against these guys? You're fucking nuts, man!" He probably didn't expect Jake Plummer (Pass: 309 - 4 TD / 0 INT, Rush: 22 - 0) to have the best game of the season, though he did probably expect at least one of his four wide recievers to score points. The 0-for-Sunday performance probably marks a new low in Obner history. It helped coach Billz to another easy victory behind Stephen Jackson (Rush: 179 - 0, Rec: 2 - 21 - 1). The solid performance keeps the Plan within striking distance of the top spot. He was pleased with his team's performance after the game. "Yeah, I don't know what English crap this guy is trying to pull, but it doesn't seem to be working."

Max's Silver Hammers 73.77
elephantstoners 85.20

The league's other one-loss team got the win it needed to stay at the top spot. The person largely responsible for the victory is none other than Antonio Gates (Rec: 10 - 145 - 3), whose performance was literally out of this world. Throughout the game, both coaches were heard on the sidelines saying "Dude, did he just do that?" with the rest of the stoners making minimal contributions and a few Silver Hammers keeping it interesting, this game went down to the wire. Jake Delhomme (Pass: 341 - 3 TD / 0 INT, Rush: 2 - 0) and Tiki Barber (Rush: 206 - 1, Rec: 1 - 5) did their best in coach Max's losing effort, which brings him a bit closer to the bottom of the standing. "OK, I know you guys are going to give me crap for this week, but I just want to say two things: 1) We don't have the worst record in the league... the tie is still BS, but it helps us out right now. 2) At least SOME of my recivers scored this week." Yeah, thanks for that, jerky.

Repeat Offenders 85.20
El Nacho de Muerte 61.47

In the Obner league, coach huskperpunk keeps on winnin'. He even found a way to win this week without this Vick-Crumpler connection. The running back duo of Tatum Bell and Corey Dillon combined for 179 yards and 4 touchdowns. "Hey, they knew what had to be done this week, and they did it. Nacho probably did me some favors, but we still had to work for it. I'm just glad we're in the playoff picture." You want favors? How about the Redskin duo of Mark Brunell and Clinton Portis combining for less than 4 points? How about Marion Barber (Rush: 127 - 2, Rec: 2 - 15) surprising the entire league from the bench. When questioned about his strategies this week. He advised the majority of the press to "shut the fuck up. I'm outta here."

Gilead Gunslingers 75.77
Rex and the Jedi 106.40

Looks like it's going to be another rough week in Gilead as Mr. "Just Win Baby" (edit) backspace falls to a four-game losing streak. Perhaps the benching of Drew Brees (Pass: 324 - 3 TD / 1 INT) sums up the week for the Gunslingers. Granted, that alone wouldn't have made a difference in this game; nearly every starter underperformed. It certainly wasn't going to work against Coach Spade's squad this week. Rex and company followed the lead of Eric Moulds (Rec: 9 - 125 - 1) and Jerry Porter (Rec: 6 - 123 - 2) to victory. The brings them up to .500 and within a game of playoff contention. When asked about the current state of affairs in the Jedi scheme of things, coach Spade's response was both simple and profound: "Balance, yo!"

Rocket Sauce 96.57
timmyjoe42er's 57.90

The total points leader had one of the top scores of the week once again, and it was certainly enough for a victory over league punching bag Timmy! Lamont Jordan (Rush: 67 - 0, Rec: 5 - 69 - 1) continued on the momentum from last week's performance, and Jay Feely (5-6 FGs, 3-3 PATs) has an outstanding day on special teams. Receivers Keyshawn Johnson and Anquan Boldin (whose injury isn't believe to be as serious as first though) also followed suit. Timmy had very little to show for this week outside Antonio Chatmans and the Bengal defense. Perhaps Peyton Manning will return to last year's form after his bye week, but who knows if that's enough to save this franchise.

The Sunlandic Twins 21.83
3.2% Evil 97.17

And timmy might not be the only one requiring salvation. Coach C-Man seems to have adopted the consolidated bye-week strategy which, practically guarantees one loss. What's curious is that there were active players on his bench that would have gotten him... at least eight more points. Probably the biggest hit this week wasn't anyone on bye but starting quarterback Duante Culpepper, whose injury is believed to cost him the season. Perhaps Kyle Orton can rally the troops and lead Sundlania back up the standings. Meanwhile, coach Marco continues to stay in the playoff hunt thanks to a dominating win. Team captain and all-star LaDanian Tomlinson was upstaged by both Fred Taylor (Rush: 165 - 1, Rec: 2 - -1) and Eddie Kennison (Rec: 7 - 115 - 1). "It's alright. I don't mind who steps up as long as we keep performing like this. This is beautiful, baby. I could kiss each of these guys I love them so much... I mean, not like THAT... not that there's anything wrong with that."

The Grape Rush 43.33
Andyfest 115.47

This rookie coach matchup went as everybody had predicted: Andy mopping the floor with Ripple's face. It was a tough week for coach Ripple as he continues to start Ahman Green and played an entire special teams squad on bye. Donovan McNabb (Pass: 283 - 3 TD / 2 INT, Rush: 13 - 0) is starting to come around, but the rest of the skill positions need some serious examination. The Fest, however, continues to be an elite team in its first season. G2G (Green to Gonzalez) finally showed some signs of life. Kevin Curtis (Rec: 3 - 105 - 1) and Willis McGahee (Rush: 136 - 0, Rec: 2 - 21 - 0) practically won the game by themselves. Coach Andy's squad continues to excel with no signs of slowing down. What else is there to say as a Fest-head but 'w00t'?

Sack of Worms 73.13
Greased-up Deaf Guys 67.23

"WOO HOO!!!!" exclaimed coach jagged as he got is all-too-elusive second win of the season. The Sack was able to break its five-game losing streak thanks to Kerry Collins (Pass: 238 - 3 TD / 1 INT) and some outstanding special teams play. Chester Taylor and Keary Colbert also had some performances from the bench as well. Perhaps the Sack aren't as bad as most thought. Then agin, maybe the Deaf Guys aren't as good on the field as they are on paper. Their wide receiver of the week was... Eric Parker(Rec: 4 - 63 - 1)? Kevan Barlow and Ryan Lindell were the only other starters to score double digits. We'll see if/how/when coach paper recovers from his third consecutive loss.

Lick my Lovepump 108.13
The Mendoza Line 90.50

Somebody up there must like coach robotboy a whole lot. Who else could be a half game ahead of all the .500 clubs and score fewer points than any of them? "We're on a mission from God, boys," said the mystical coach as he lit another victory cigar. The receiving duo of Terrell Owens (Rec: 3 - 154 - 1) and Ernest Wilford (Rec: 6 - 145 - 1) led the charge, which was supported by the rest of the passing game and the Bears defense. With the tie earlier in the season, they squeal into a playoff spot if the season ended today. There's a lot of football left, though, so it will be interesting to watch this play out. Coach jehrico gets another hard luck award as he puts in another solid performance and loses. The New York Giants defense had an awesome game, and Kevin & Matt Jones certainly did their part. Everyone else disappointed just a bit, particularly Brett Favre. "Disappointed?!? Look how many teams we could have beaten this week? And we just happen to play the Pump the week they blow their wad? We were doing great until Jesus made Favre throw those five interceptions. He hates our team."

Bolsheviks in Space 56.97
Schadenfreude 129.10

People around the world had been hyping this Eastern Bloc matchup for weeks. Tickets in Moscow have been selling for weeks. As the game approached, it didn't seem to be the exciting matchup that promoters had hoped. This, however, did not stop the Freude faithful. Shouts of "BARBAROSSA" and "it's '41 all over again!" were shouted different times throughout this route. One has to question coach Lambchop's strategy of starting Marvin Harrison on a bye week and letting Bubba Franks (Rec: 7 - 62 - 1) idle on the bench. Damien Nash over Marchel Shipp? Granted, optimizing the lineups wouldn't have won the game, but it would have given the Bolsheviks to a more respectable point total. Coach joy was just too good for anybody this week with the highest week 8 score. Having two All-Star receivers in Steve Smith (Rec: 11 - 201 - 1) and Joey Galloway (Rec: 8 - 149 - 1) always helps. The running game and Dallas defense also helped annihilate the Russians. While only 4-4, Schadenfreude is in an excellent place thanks to this week's performance. They are third in total points, which means that they are technically one game out of the middle of the playoff pack due to the tiebreaker. If he can keep this performance up, he shouldn't have to rely as much on outside help to earn his bid.

Code:
1.  elephantstoners       7-1-0 .875 789.10 W-5
2.  Execute Plan 9        7-1-0 .875 777.43 W-4
3.  Andyfest              6-2-0 .750 770.01 W-4
4.  Rocket Sauce          5-3-0 .625 827.70 W-5
5.  3.2% Evil             5-3-0 .625 720.34 W-1
6.  El Nacho de Muerte    5-3-0 .625 716.72 L-1
7.  Repeat Offenders      5-3-0 .625 711.23 W-1
8.  Lick my Lovepump      4-3-1 .563 589.92 W-2
9.  Schadenfreude         4-4-0 .500 785.81 W-1
10. The Mendoza Line      4-4-0 .500 684.33 L-1
11. Rex and the Jedi      4-4-0 .500 650.23 W-1
12. Knights Who Say Ni    4-4-0 .500 620.71 L-1
13. Greased-up Deaf Guys  3-5-0 .375 680.84 L-3
14. Gilead Gunslingers    3-5-0 .375 629.21 L-4
15. The Grape Rush        3-5-0 .375 538.91 L-1
16. Max's Silver Hammers  2-5-1 .313 519.11 L-3
17. The Sunlandic Twins   2-6-0 .250 566.53 L-2
18. Sack of Worms         2-6-0 .250 561.20 W-1
19. timmyjoe42er's        2-6-0 .250 491.71 L-1
20. Bolsheviks in Space   2-6-0 .250 471.47 L-2


Week 8 All-Stars
QB: Jake Plummer
RB: Tiki Barber, Marion Barber
WR/TE: Antonio Gates, Steve Smith, Jerry Porter, Joey Galloway
K: Jay Feely
DEF: New York Giants

Season All-Stars
QB: Carson Palmer
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson, Shaun Alexander
WR/TE: Steve Smith, Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson, Santana Moss
K: Neil Rackers
DEF: Indianapolis


Last edited by Sketch on Tue Nov 01, 2005 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 10:54 am 
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Still Big in Japan
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Excellent analysis. There are signs of my team slowing down however, week 9. I will have to start Corey Bradford, Justin Gage and Alvin Pearman. Ouch. Hopefully that Green to Gonzalez hookup helps me again.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 11:36 am 
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somehow i'm over .500 despite having jamal lewis and cedric benson as my starting RBs

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 11:37 am 
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frostingspoon
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i used to love fantasy football.
ugh


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 12:11 pm 
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Bedroom Demos
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It appears that my Gunslingers were no match for the awesome power of the FORCE!

Yet I believe that this week, we may hear Coach SpaCe (not Spade) utter these words. "the timmy's put up a good fight, but there was no stopping the power of GILEAD! "Hot LEAD" on three. One,Two,Three, HOT LEAD!!"

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 12:18 pm 
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frostingspoon
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back_space Wrote:
Coach SpaCe (not Spade)

:oops:


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 8:04 pm 
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7-1 vs. 7-1 this week.

billz is currently praying that kurt warner gets the start for the cardinals.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 8:34 pm 
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elephantstone Wrote:
7-1 vs. 7-1 this week.

billz is currently praying that kurt warner gets the start for the cardinals.


Yeah, I'm down an RB and QB this week, gonna be ugly.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2005 8:44 pm 
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Billzebub Eaten By Rats Wrote:
elephantstone Wrote:
7-1 vs. 7-1 this week.

billz is currently praying that kurt warner gets the start for the cardinals.


Yeah, I'm down an RB and QB this week, gonna be ugly.


it kinda sucks, but i'm a dolphins fan first...so i'm really pulling for ricky to have a HUGE game.

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