Thanksgiving's not the best when . . . your wife tells you she wants to leave you. Apparently I've let grad school kill my marriage. The kicker: her folks (who I love) are in town. She's upstairs showering. I've had hardly any sleep and many tears. She doesn't even want counseling - just away from me.

I don't know how I let this happen - I thought I was working so hard for US.

I love her - if she doesn't need me, so be it, I hope that she's happy.

I'm either going to be really scarce around here or really leaning on you guys a lot - I haven't decided yet.

This is shitty.

and to prove that i'm at least a good obnish, here's my np:
elliott smith - let's get lost

wow. i'm sorry. we're here for ya.

WOW. That's a biggie man. I have no pertinent advice, but wish you all the luck. Things'll work out in the end. Stay Up.

Jesus Christ, man....

Sorry 'bout that.




Sometimes I wish people wouldnt bring shit like this to the board, but no matter---we are here to support ya Chuck.

the biggest i've ever had. thought that i really had my shit together.

apparently not.

that's it? you can't even talk about it and give it a chance to see how things can change?

i'm sorry. maybe life doesn't really work how i'd like it to but I think it's only fair to let something happen if you give it a chance to work out and then if it doesn't then you can give up on it. what do I know, i'm 17. I am very sorry though.

yeah - but no matter how virtual, you guys are a large part of my community. I'm going to call friends when I think any of them will be up / in town / available.

sorry i felt like i had to bring this here.

Oh, its not a problem Chuck; like I said, we are here to support you, brother.

I've been with her for 9 years - since I was 18. If there's one thing I know, it's that she has strong opinions. If she will work with me, this will work - the fact that she couldn't try and communicate until now indicates that we were pretty broken and I didn't even know it.

the thing is that i was working very hard - but not enough on my relationship with my wife. putting food on table isn't cutting it, and i didn't realize that was all i was doing.

Oh and if you want her to "disapear", PM me or LooGar; I'm sure Scotty D would love to come down there and get his beat-a-bitch on.

i think she needs antidepressants more than a beat down.


antidepressants first, beat-down second?

Prolly not the best place at which to share this anecdote, but...

The peoples with whom my mum works in an ER - I won't be anymore specific than that - were discussing marriage, and one of the MD on-staff pointed out that "everyone has one of those trial marriages, where they're married for a year or two, it doesn't work out, but they learn from it... in fact, if my first wife were to walk in here, right now, I wouldn't have any idea who she was".

The same MD also expressed surprise that my mum's first marriage lasted twelve years. (For various, unrelated reasons, my mum is surprised by this as well.)




So, I suppose what I mean is that you'll pull thru this, if it doesn't end up being corrected, and you won't ache over this evermore.

Sorry, Colin. Take care of yourself. You know we're here, and I'm sure a lot of others are there for you as well. Use them when you're ready. Much love.

that's bullshit man. stop being so hard on yourself. you were doing what you thought was best for both of you. if she's not willing to hang on, that's not your fault.

try to keep your head up. don't disapear from Obner though dude, in a time like this you've got peeps here that will help you work through it.

well maybe it's your wife that's broken, and not your relationship.

Quite possibly. She's not the help-seeking sort. Frostingspoon can back me up - some Mainers would bleed to death before they asked for a band-aid. I feel so fucking nauseous.

Chuck,
As a guy that is going thru that now I can tell ya that sometoimes it's not about you but about her. If that's the case there may not be anything to do.

People change and their goals will change. From 18 till now each of you have thought that you wanted the same thing but in reality maybe not.

Don't be hard on yourself!

Grad school is tough, really tough if you're married. triple that if you are both in school!

So let us know how things are going. and most imoprtant of all let us know if you want advice or just venting. so we all know when and if we should keep our mouths shut. and just listen to you and have some empathy. And my advice to Obners is to respect his wishes re: this cos it really is a tough thing. those of you that have been through it already can laugh about your ex's but he's not at that stage... so please be a little considerate.

Good luck!

Gutting, Colin. Maybe a romantic Xmas getaway is in store.

Colin,

you can't blame this on her. Both of you probably share responsibility. This is a cry for "PAY ATTENTION TO ME OR I'M DONE!!!!!!". Believe it or not, school is not the most important thing in the world. If you love this woman then it is your responsibility to do what you can to show her you still care. Does Thanksgiving hold any special type of memory for her? She may be freaking over something that happened in the past and it's manifesting itself by her "lashing out" at you and your marriage. I hope for the best. Take it easy, get the FUCK OFF THIS BOARD and go take care of her.

if she's made it clear that she doesn't want to be around him right now.... then it's best that he respects these wishes until she cools down.

believe me. it could make things worse if he pushes himself on her right now.

where is that hug emoticon? someone post it, now.

here's a different one...but even more appropriate for this thread:

I like that one, it's cute.

Damn, man. I'm really sorry to hear that. Grad school is a killer, after 7 years of it, I know it too well. I think the only reason my marriage survived is that my wife was in grad school with me.

Anyway, best of luck, mate. Don't close the book yet, you never know how things turn out.

since you can never have too many hugs.... here's the other one: