Couldn't disagree more...

I think Daystar is spot on!



Sometimes people grow apart. Their priorities change. Maybe her needs and wants have changed in relation to his. Why should he give up on school and his future? To place the burden of changing behaviour squarely on his shoulders is the least appropraite thing to do right now. DON"T make him feel any crappier than he does now.

Sometimes you need to let things go as they need to. I really agree with Dayster. Let it cool down and take it slow. If it is salvageable then great, but if it's not you can't force it and need to move on.

Colin, from hanging out with you in A-TX, and hanging out with you in Chi, it's clear that you love her with all your heart, and you'd do anything for her. But it takes two of you to fix it, and you can't do it alone, especially if she won't let you.

I went through that breakup with Gina earlier in the year over similar reasons (substitute music for grad school), but as far as i could see, I had done everything i could shy of quitting playing. My friends concur.

I don't really know her, and i don't know what her real reasons are, but i hope you get through this.

I'm trying to get to A-TX before school gets out for xmas break for that interview...

hang in there brother.

You guys give good talk. Thanks.

Where's FT's Attention Whore image?

I've been talking with a best friend, and will go see a counselor ASAP. I understand where stu is coming from, and I've told Laura that I would drop out of school if I thought that it would help our marriage. All I can do now is try to let her feel like she is as important to me as she is, and hope that she can be more communicative. The antidepressant comment was to some extent gallows humor, although I don't think it's misplaced. If she wants to leave me, I'm just going to have to shoot for a behavior that isn't stalker-ish, because that would be my first instinct.

I don't know how to be a grown-up with this one. Nine years is a long time to have fall apart on me. Spending a lot of time trying to piece together where my faults end and hers begin, and how this got to where it is. But if she won't talk with me . . .

Nine years IS a long time, and from a distance here, nine years starting at 18 is maybe even longer. People tend to grow in a lot of directions in those years. My first marriage was 18-23- it hurts like hell when you're in the middle of it going sour, but some things can't be made whole again, and you will carry on.

Hang in there, C.

Anything but that, man. Don't give up everything you've worked towards. If you have to, take a leave of absence, but don't drop out.

how could someone EXPECT their spouse to drop out of school? that's very selfish.

Yeah, well, people do selfish things all the time and they don't even realize it.

Double ditto!!! Don't let her do that to you Colin! You aren't going to school just for yourself. It was for both of you. If she is giving up on you in grad school what will happen when or if, you have kids? The stress level will be ten times what it is now. If you get back together you will need to talk about this as well.

Seeing shit like this happen to good guys like colin makes me think that I'm going to keep avoiding this marriage scam.


And if a girl ever ruined my thanksgiving like that, i'd get vicious quick. That's my favorite holiday.

Is that before or after the stuffing sandwich? (Vicious on a full or empty stomach?)

i made enchiladas and calabacitas for my in-laws - i thought she was just stressed from school.

wow, sorry to hear this man.

she doesn't want that. i don't know what she wants. i didn't know things were bad. apparently i'm not too observant.

new rule - i'm not touching a drop of alcohol till this blows one way or the other.

probly a good idea. I would probably already be sloppy and brooding.....not helping matters in the least.

<----not as strong as chuckd, apparently.

oh i'm not strong - i've got my nictotine crutch going right now, and i loathe it / love it.

before and either. stuffing sandwiches are traditionally a friday and afterwards delicacy.

She probably doesn't know what she wants either, which is why you don't know what she wants. Again, you can't change that.

As far as the observant thing, she probably didn't want you to observe it.

that kills me the most

it will always kill you the most. It raises the question why, and then you start looking towards yourself for fault. This isn't about fault or blame anymore. It's about fixing it, keep that in mind, and remind her too when the time is appropriate. Move forward, don't dwell.

Colin, I am so sorry that you're going through this. I have no wise words to say except that I'm sending you all the positive vibes I can. You're family in these parts.

thanks tania - thanks all of you.

WHAT. THE. FUCK??!!!?!?!?!?!?

That is crazy and I can't believe what I'm reading.
My God, man. I'm sooooo sorry for you. Having met you two makes it all the more weighty and significant. Especially since you've been togther since you were in college and have already been through so much of your lives together.

It's my fault, isn't it? We spent so much time at the Halloween party kibitzing about music and Obner that she felt neglected.

See what you've done, Obner?

SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!!!

All the luck I can wish you is being beamed your way, Colin. Whatever you need/want to happen, that's what I'm hoping for.
Drop a PM or a call if you need to.
Good luck.

thanks chad - feel free to move to austin, if you think it will make me feel better.

Shit, mang.
I was already planning on it, but if my changing coordinates can help cure an existential and romantic funk in the process, well, all the more better.

Don't give up on this yet, though. Look at it hard and see if you think/feel that she's really right and you two are better off apart. If not, try to do anything you can to get some help for the two of you to work things out.

And for Chrissakes, stop playing Elliott Smith in a time like this. Or if you do, at least stay far away from the cutlery. And pills. And firearms.
Actually, just stop playing him and throw on some Neko instead. It's less dangerous but will still help plumb the hole in your soul.