Mitch Hedberg.

yes.

I made this topic because i was still a little drunk and their jokes are similar, but Hedberg was one of a kind.

Dunno Hedberg's material but like Wright much.

I fird.

yeah, Hedberg I guess, but they both crack me up...I would loved to see hedberg before he kicked the bucket.

My girlfriend works at Hooters... in the kitchen."

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

I like the FedEx Driver because he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it. And he's always on time. I like my drugs to have a tracking number. Then when my friend says Mitchell, "Where's the drugs?" I just say call the 1-800 number... your drugs were loaded onto a van at 7:30 am and will arrive on time. Perfect, that's what I paid for.

Advil comes with a candy coating on it. It's delicious, but they say on the bottle "Don't take more than 2 at a time." Well, don't put a fucking candy coating on it then. I got a sweet tooth.

Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.

I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.

I went to a pizzeria and I ordered a slice of pizza; the fucker gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the fucker gave me the 'donate to charity slice.' I would like to exhange this for the 'keep it'!

Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr Pepper, but it's a bullshit replica, 'cuz dude didn't even get his degree. Why did you have to drop out of school and start making pop so soon?

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut 'em up!"

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Not really a fan of either of them but I'd probably go with Hedberg.

People always say "hey, look at this picture of me when I was younger". Every picture of you was when you were younger.

Xylophone starts with an X. I don't buy it. Xylophone, zzzzz, "X", I don't think so. Next time you have to spell xylophone spell it with a Z. If someone tells you that's wrong, say "no it is not." It's like X didn't have enough to do so they have to give it more responsibilities. "You won't start a lot of words but we will give you a co-starring role in tic-tac-toe. And you will be associated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And you will make writing 'Christmas' easier. And incidentally you will also start 'xylophone'. Are you happy now you fucking X!?"

My friend said to me, "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." I was like, "Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If you're going to quiz me you have to insert a pause."

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too.

I don't like playing tennis, because no matter how good you are at tennis you will never be better than a wall. I played a wall once, that fucker was relentless.

I don't like turtleneck shirts. Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy. ALL DAY.

Hedberg owns.

If you're wearing a backpack, it's like a really weak midget is trying to bring you down.

i'd go with mitch hedberg. i saw him do a marathon stand-up session for about two hours one night. he was so drunk - ridiculing the club owner, making up conversations between drinks, taking requests, yelling at people about how they requested jokes, etc. it was really fun.

without steven wright, i'm not sure there is a mitch - but i think mitch was much funnier.

my wife bought me tickets to a mitch hedberg show a few years ago and it was the funniest thing that i've probably ever seen.

Steven wins by a nose just for being not dead.

Is death no longer a great career move?

Well, it has done wonders for Bill Hicks, I know that much.

Dmitri Martin. *high fives the SpontaneousPoet*

I like them both, but I like Mitch Hedberg way more. Wright is funny, but he can get on my nerves quickly.

Last couple of times I've seen Wright on TV he looked very medicated. Not just part of the act anymore, but like on serious antidepressents.

i saw mitch in san jose a little over a year ago, he was fabulous.

the comedian that opened for him had made some comment about plants not being scary (it was something about pot and paranoia--not important), so the first thing hedberg says, 'i dont know about that plants not being scary stuff. how bout a venus flytrap...if you were a fly!'

Mitch on being compared to Wright:

"If I made potato chips and put them in a can, people would say I was ripping off Pringles, but what if I put them in a bag?"

Trust me, you are better off not having seen him, unless you mean seeing him LONG before he kicked the bucket. I saw him last fall and it was hands down the worst live performance of any kind that I have ever seen. It was simply awful - he was so fucked up that he couldn't even tell his jokes. He'd just start one, forget the bit halfway through, giggle, then go silent. He spent more time laying in the middle of the stage completely incoherent, unable to form even words. I won't bother repeating it, you can read it here if you want.

Bah!

Stephen Wright's humor is far more intelligent than Hedberg's. Sure Hedberg is funny, but his stuff is usually just silly and stupid.

^

that's 80% of what made him great.