Jesus H. Christ, you're killing me here...


HILARIOUS

very like the premise of an 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' episode a few weeks back!

Truest statement in the thread.

Oh, lord, I gotta dig in the archives for this one... prolly in college. I met this dude at freshman orientation who seemed really cool, but after that week of orientating, I didn't think I'd run into him again. So prolly 6-8 months into freshman year, I run into him again. Turns out he's in a fraternity (sorry, can't remember which one) and homecoming weekend is coming up, which is kinda big deal. So he invites me to come to his fraternity house to pre-game, then we'll go to the game, and then he's taking me out for dinner. I'm like, cool, I'm in. I walk into the fraternity house on Saturday morning, meet up with my guy, and we proceed to stand off to the side, drinking uncomfortably, while he jokes around with his buddies (I didn't know anyone else there). So then we hit the game, still drinking. Anyhow we both get pretty soused, and we leave the game early and head back to his apartment, which is like the Georgia Tech ghetto apartment. I walk into his place, and he's got that damned Nastassia Kinski with a boa wrapped around her poster on his living room wall. Anyhow, he's still drinking, and then he wants to make out, so I do, cause what the fuck else is there to do? Very bad kisser, major turn-off, and I'm sure him being more drunk than me didn't help. I get up at some point to go use his bathroom, and when I come out, no shit, he's passed out in his fucking recliner. I call one of my friends, she comes to pick me up, I change clothes at the dorm, and then head out to meet my other friends for more beers. I don't think the dude ever made eye contact with me again.

the above sounds like something i might have done in college.

i dont have any great date stories - just one time I went out with this girl and we only said about 10 total words the whole time.

me: Hey - how are you?
her - good...good.
me: that seat belt's a little tricky
her: thanks
me: appetizer?
her: no
me: popcorn? soda?
her: no
me: yeah...mumble seatbelt mumble
her: grunt
me: see you later

Oh dear lord, this happened back in 02, just before thanksgiving. I was on that dating site Salon/Nerve.

I met this dude who seemed normal, we talked a bit over a couple weeks. Then I agreed to go meet him at this bar near The Abbey Pub. Well my ex husband was watching our kid that night.

Well I met this guy and I had those instant vibes that said something wasn't right. He kinda creeped me out right away. So we go to the little bar/restaurant and he kept practically laying across the table to grab me and talking about how we seemed like "soul mates" and blah blah blah. Just kept talking about how we were meant for each other and how he could see us together forever.

I excused myself to go to the bathroom. At that point I wouldn't even order COFFEE if it meant I had to stick around too long. In the bathroom I called my ex and asked him to call me back in just under five minutes telling me Charlie was sick. So I went back to the booth and tried to smile. Then a couple minutes later my cell rang, it was my ex, I took the call and did the usual faking concern " oh my god, is he ok?? Oh no, poor thing. No no, I'll be right home".

So I told him charlie was really really sick, running a fever and had to go. So I left two minutes later promising I'd call. And then got in my car, went home and put this dude on a blocker on email and IM. Oh My GOD. He was creepy.

I also swore off men that night, but about two weeks later I met Spade so that didn't last long. LOL.

I did run into him at the New Pornographers show about a week after I started dating Spade, I told him that my ex and I got back together. And then ran out of the club.

The funniest part of all this is that Ryan started posting around the same guy I ditched this guy, and I think I had mentioned the CMJ board in a conversation with him once so when one day Ryan actually used my real name in a thread I flipped out on him "how the hell do you know my name??" Poor guy. All I remembered was that the guy was in a band and I knew this "robotboy" was too so I guess I thought he was him stalking me.

I foresaw a bad date in the ghettotastic Vermont white boy who, apparently, owned his own record label, hot sauce company, collected unemployment and asked me out for appetizers, so I declined.

i keep telling you that this was the chance of a lifetime.

If you think he's so great why don't you date him?

he called and called, we went out, i got ignored.

i don't even like hot sauce. or records. or labels. or appetizers. i just know you'd have gone if he had a big hot tub, though.

jesus i've been lucky. I think my worst date involved her telling me right after we kissed "Oh, by the way I have a boyfriend. He's kind of jealous and carries a gun so we have to be quiet about this" or something. I kissed her again and left. It should be pointed out that she asked me out. also, that I attended this couple's wedding last spring and he still carries a gun.

Man, I nearly forgot about the hot tub boys from the bar all ready... Apparently, I only turn guys down.

Working at a Lowe's store, I helped a german girl one day. Very cute. Very german. Her english was so-so, so we just spoke german, and things went well. She kept coming back in, but not buying anything. Then one day she asks me to a movie. "Sure." Goes well, and as per my usual, I don't lay a finger on her, because at heart I am terrified of women.

Comes back in the next week, after some emails, and I ask her to see a play. We go, and it's a good time, but the play sucks, and we leave after 15 minutes. In the car, I ask her what brought her to the US...

"Oh I moved here because my husband lives here."
"Your ex-husband, or your Husband?"
"My husband."
"...I'm confused. You're married?"
"Jah."

Turns out he runs a liquor store, she hates his family, they're into vampires and role-playing, and I could only guess she was unhappy at home. I dropped her off and never answered her emails again. I ain't gettin shot.

And you know, she probably went home thinking, "what a fantastic date. I love a guy who feels comfortable not saying anything. I hope he calls me back."

if so then- sorry Lisa, wherever you are.

Mine is nearly the same with a few exceptions. She picked me up at a party and I found out about the boyfriend after we had sex outside the local Baptist church. She then went on to tell the boyfriend shortly afterwards because she felt guility (for fucking me or the blasphemous locale, I'm not sure). He proceeded to stalk me for several months afterwards. I couldn't really blame him for being mad.

I never got my comeuppance, fortunately.

...you were wearing two rubbers and were desensitized?

In 2003 I had tix to see Thw White Stripes' first show on the Elephant tour in this tiny theater in Detroit. Asked this red-headed cutie who I'd been eyeing for a week or so.
Since she was already going to be down around Detroit visiting her parents, we decided to meet at this bar a few blocks from the theater and then head to the show. So we did, and while the banter wasn't extraordinary it wasn't uncomfortable either. We drive over to the show and get our seats and she goes to get us a couple beers. Right when she gets back Blanche, the opening act, starts up and it seems like the night is finding its groove. About three songs in she gets up to go to the bathroom and is gone for a while. When she comes back she says she's really sorry, but she has to leave because... wait for it... she has endometriosis and it's acting up on her.
WTF? I had no idea what that was at the time, but I tell her I can drive her back to her car (rather than walk six blocks alone in Detroit at night). She declines, apologizes again and splits. Never heard from her again.

So yeah, a girl pulled the old dirty uterus excuse on me to get out of a date early.

Oh no I got the job done, barebacked and inside the dome.

This is roughly one of the 643, 259 idiotic things I've done because of alcohol fueled bad judgement and sexual desperation.

I'll have you know I was eating my lunch when I read this. Thank god it was soup and not hot dogs.

I haven't been on any dates with a girl I didn't know pretty well beforehand, so I've never really had a bad one.

My worst date had to be the time I got a hemmorhoid. One of my worst dates anyway...

preach it, brother.

don't preach it...uh, gayboy.