Sent: Tue, 6 Dec 2005 14:31:00 -0500
Subject: 25 Facts about Chuck Norris


Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris?more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Who sent you that?

Yeah, those have been going around the internet. There are also 'facts' about Vin Diesel and Mr. T going around as well.

Vin Diesel
http://www.4q.cc/vin/index.php?topthirty

Mr. T
http://www.4q.cc/t/index.php?topthirty

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

This has been the most laughter I have ever tried to stifle amongst other people. I won, but BARELY.

I had not seen these.

these were all posted awhile back - i read them during class and kept cracking up. love the chuck.

Did ya'll see that episode of 'Yes, Dear' when Chuck guest stars? Pretty funny. He is such a terrible actor. I love it when Conan shows the Walker Texas Ranger clips.

My father looks almost exactly like Chuck Norris, however, I do not think the Chuck Norris facts apply to him.

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Friend of mine is completely obsessed with these. Has even added a few of his own to the list on the main page -- other people rate them, I guess.

Most of them are pretty lame imo.

I am sorry....

this one:

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

and this one:

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

my god that shit's funny.

I like the ones pertaining to the roundhouse kicks. On the whole, these remind me of Bill Brasky.

Chuck Responded on his site.......LOL

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET


I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris

...Orrr maybe they'll just prompt you to write more bad books. Who knows?

What's with the question mark?

case in point as to why americans are wrong about putting the punctuation within the quotations

I was actually wondering if that's the title. Against All Odds?
Like he's confused about his life or something.

I wanna marry the girl in Shiv's signature!

Surprise! It's pumachik. So, bring a ring with you when you go on your annual Amoeba safari.... Oh, and even though she's not Jewish, she will require a rather large rock to ice the deal.

I would convert to Asian for Dri!

wait...that can't be right, can it? lol

It should be outside the quotation marks. But regardless, a question mark does not belong there. A period belongs outside of the quotation marks. That's not a question.

Sorry, I just couldn't resist that.

Chuck Norris: not so wild west these days.

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1598960/

i got 3 seconds into that before getting the hell out of there. Did anyone ever see that clip of "Walker" they used to show on Conan where Norris and Haley Joel Osmont are there talking to (i think it's) Wilford Brimley and the kid just abruptly says "Walker told me I have AIDS"?

taken out of context, it is the funniest thing I saw on TV all last year.