Yikes!

I agree with the above.
If she cared one little bit about you, or your relationship, or your history, or your future friendship, she would have acted differently.
That just sucks. She should be wanting to make things easier for both of you, not just easier for her.

Not much I can say that hasn't already been said but for what its worth I can only hope that there are better times up for you ahead. You deserve it.

Good luck man, hope to see you posting back here soon.

I miss you already, Colin. I'm sending you the strongest positive vibes I can...you don't deserve this. Please add my hugs with the rest you're receiving.

While I can agree with most of this, I think you could also chalk some of this up to emotional immaturity and clearly an inability to communicate issues in the proper way. Like how she told you she was leaving... shouldn't you have had some inkling that that was coming before she dropped that bomb? Anyhow, what's happened has happened... move forward, and know that each day will get easier for you. It will be a long road, but I have confidence in you.

I'm back in for a little bit today. I'm getting through this largely on nicotine and tv on dvd. right now I'm watching the office for the first time, I've watched the entire first series, and am halfway through the second, and also rented the final special to watch after I'm done with that. It is one of the most painfully funny shows I have ever encountered. At times I need to pause it and go do something else, just because I cringe at what Ricky Gervais is going to say or do next. And the actor that plays gareth is fucking awesome, too.

Dana, I really agree with you about the emotional immaturity and communication difficulties. After all, I've been with her for nine yeras, and I know her better than anyone I ever have. I really think a lot of her callousness and apparent happiness are a cover for what's going to happen once she realizes what she's done - I just don't know if I'll be able to be there for her when she does.

At any rate, I really appreciate all of you - the Obnish have been here for me in my time of need.

And you know what? You don't have to be. She's made her bed, and she can lie in it.

I don't let go easily. I'm like a barnacle. A sad, lonely barnacle who's smoking too much.

I totally understand, but I'm telling you, with time, self-abuse and subsequent enlightenment, therapy, and more time, you'll be fine.

btw, I thought about you over the holidays and wondered how you were doing... I'm glad you're hanging in there. Got some odd family news myself, and it turns out my older sister is getting a divorce as well. She's pretty floored by all of it, and there are 3 kids in the mix as well. I'm not looking forward to seeing how the proceedings go, but she's a strong woman, and like you, I know she'll get through this. Just stay strong and take advantage of all your support network! That's what they are there for.

I'll be back in for a little bit some time tomorrow - be well, everybody!

:nono:

Yeah, I'm in a nicotinic cloud right now. Laura's said she's filing for divorce on Monday. Boy, she's swift, ain't she? I assume she thinks that this is going to be uncontested.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Oh yeah, I kicked a dent in her car door when she told me that she's filing on Moday. Didn't make me feel any better, though. I've been as decent and good as I can through all of this. This fucking sucks.

She doesn't have a trust fund or anything you can exploit as part of the settlement, does she? If so, make her pay dearly.

No, and thankfully she doesn't really want anything from me except out. I just can't believe how fast and sure of herself she is. I'm a wreck, she thinks she's dandy. Fer chrissakes, she thinks she's "in love" with her fuckbuddy. she's known him less than two months. this is ridiculous.

Not for nothing Colin, but I don't think contesting the divorce will do you any good. Really, you need to move on. And kicking her car will only make matters worse for you. I know you're hurting but try to be a bit more rational about what you do or say to her.

I know it was stupid, but at least I didn't kick her. I'm being as good to her as I can, and I'll fucking give her the fucking divorce, I just wish that she would fucking talk to me, see a counselor, or fucking explain herself. It's like divorcing a disgruntled, vindictive sphinx. she don't have nuthin' to say, and that really makes me angry.

Nothing I can offer, Col. This is so far out of my league I have no idea how to handle it.
But Dana seemed to have the right idea; put your head down and soldier forward with the hope of getting this whole awful ordeal over with as quickly as possible.
The new year offers up a good road marker, thankfully, and a chance to start over.

This is the best advice for Colin. He needs to put this all behind him and that won't happen until the divorce is final or is at least in the process of getting finalized. In the meantime, he needs to have no contact with her.

Don't be admitting to kicking her car on a public message board. Maybe you're confused...it was actually that Tom Arico guy who kicked it, right?

And at least being angry is better than just being sad. You're making progress.

The restraining order should account for that.

From the sound of her behavior, I'm thinking that will be her response to the damage to her auto. Fair or not.

... But, oddly, OPA is right on this. Don't give the ex any reason to be the victim, which she wasn't to start since she was the unfaithful spouse, and she is the one who moved on and out first. You have the upperhand - just don't use it to drag out the divorce. Get it done, and she'll pay later, when her paramour has moved on to another infidelious broad and she's left all alone.

Jesus. I've seen this happen to a few friends of mine over the years. It's the worst. But trust me on two counts:

1) She has just revealed a selfish, cowardly streak in her that had previously been dormant - and you deserve a better mate than that.

2) She will come back to you in absolute, teary-eyed desperation.

Of course, when #2 happens, I hope you're strong enough to tell her to go kiss a dead hobo's nutsack - otherwise, ignore what I posted in #1.

When you first posted about this, I thought to myself, " I bet there is another man." Keep you head up. You're better than what she deserves. I agree with Rads. She'll be back.

I don't think that she's going to get a restraining order for (tom arico) putting a dent in the driver's side door of her 1994 Ford Aspire, but I still don't feel good that (tom arico) did that. Besides, I'm the one with dated copies of her emails to and from her boyfriend written while I was spending late nights at school writing grant proposals and term papers, so if she wants this to be uncontested, she just needs to show me a little bit of respect. All I can do is let her go and move on, I can't afford to contest anything. I'm just waiting for my feelings to line up with my logic. I truly care about her, and truly wish that I didn't.

Especially when he sues her for alimony.

And let this be a lesson: Keep your pants on or its going to cost you.