What do you call Jim Nabors' chauffeur?

A Pyle driver.

Why did President Bush cross the road?

Because it was illegal.

i've been trying to make up one about two young fruits that want to get married against their parents will, and the end of the joke would be "but we cantelope"


i just can't figure out how to make it work.

I don't know, worked the way you said it, pretty much:

What's worse than being an animal stuck in a zoo?








Being a retarded animal stuck in a zoo

I like Sam Coomes' (of Quasi) silly, yet completely endearing, joke:

Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt.

Blue Milks dads rendition of a joke he heard on the radio:

(On the topic of Starbucks drinks)

"I would buy them more often, but they cost a-Latte!"

hahahaha. This made me laugh a lot.

Yesterday my mom and I walk into the store to get some beans. She starts shoving them in the bag and innocent little sticks are flying everywhere, so I say to my mom "Hey mom, stop spilling the beans"

Haha! Get it?

A 5 year old wants a slice of cheddar cheese, but her parents told her not to cut anything herself, so she calls upstairs to her father, "Hey dad can you cut the cheese?"

Hahaha.


A girl walks into an art gallery and spots a piece she'd like to buy. She inquires as to how much it is, and the gallery owner says "5,000 dollars." The girl says, "Wow, i'd really love to buy that but i'm afraid i'm BAROQUE"

by the way, the last three jokes are originals.
I know, I should be a comedian.

a clown and an alien are in a bar and the alien goes, "want to hear something funny?" and the clown goes, "funny haha, or funny weird?"

there's a jewish guy, a black guy, a feminist, a liberal, and a gay guy in a bar. a bomb goes off. they die.

hey, it's a start. let's celebrate!

Anglo-stylee:

A lawyer walks into a pub, and the owner says 'how many times do I have to tell you? You've been barred.'

Skeleton walks up to the bar. Bartender asks, "What'll it be, bud?" Skeleton replies, "a beer and a mop."

Julius Caesar walks up to the bar. "Bartender, I'll have a martinus." The bartender replies, "Don't you mean, 'martini'?" Caesar replies, "Look if I wanted two, I'd ask for them."

A crab walks into a bar and askes for a drink and the bartender says 'Right you! Out! I barred you last night!" and the crabs says 'What are you talking about!?' and the bartender says 'You know exactly what I'm talking about, you in here last night giving it all that'.

Oh wait, thats a visual joke....

Here's a good Glaswegian joke you might have to think about to understand. Q) A field of cows. Which one is on holiday? A) The one with the wee calf!

I didnt get this till I mentally said it in a Scottish accent

This doesn't work as well when it's written but...

What do gay horses eat?
























Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a beer. As the bartender hands him the beer, he notices that the pirate has a steering wheel protruding from his crotch.

So he says "uhhhm, did you know that you've got a steering wheel on your crotch?"

pirate says "yaaar, I know, it's driving me nuts"

I just want you to know that I'm still laughing at this one.

oh i got more

Hahahaha! Did you really make that up?

q: what do you call a cold, dead fish performing wussy emo songs?

a: postal ceviche.

HAR HAR HAR!

Hey, when do I get my next promotion, Haq?

I'm willing to be this thread's Ed McMahon if 300 post gets me anywhere.

you're going to have to wait till 500 like everybody else, pal.

besides, you've only been in the bedroom for 12 posts!

HAR HAR HAR?

I don't get it.

You acheived the rank of "Bedroom Demos" when you got to 250 posts. There's really not much to get.