Oops! I Crapped My Pants!

Cap'n Squirrgle · **Posted:** Mon Feb 06, 2006 4:03 pm

A buddy in highschool was so hungover the day of his senior pictures he had his mom drive him to the photog place. En route, he tried to sneek one out, and wound up sharting his pants. Then he had to tell his mom to turn around and go home, as well as the reason.

robotboy · **Posted:** Mon Feb 06, 2006 4:17 pm

elephantstone Wrote:

ehhh, it's just a messageboard...so why not.

about 5 years ago, on a VERY hungover sunday morning, i was playing golf with some friends. anyways, i was in that stomach-churning, hazey, out-of-it early morning hangover phase.

by the third hole, i was feeling better...having chugged a large bottle of gatorade. i thought i was ready for a cigarette. bad idea. i felt a shit coming on quickly. i was a good 200 yards from the clubhouse, and even further from the portajohn around the 6th hole. oh, also...this was a 9 hole course, so we were walking -- no carts.

i excused myself from the foursome, and started that fast i-gotta-shit walk towards the clubhouse. as i got closer and closer, the i-gotta-shit factor increased to emergency levels. about 3/4's there, my sphincter started doing some wierd things that made me stop in my tracks. i literally could not move. i had been squeezing so tight that my sphincter started trembling. 100% of my concentration could not keep that thing tight. it just started opening, little by little. i started to freak out. i was right by the putting green, and there were people there. i can see the clubhouse...it's so close...please GOD let me make it there. nope...this shit is coming NOW!

somehow, i was able to move enough to get behind a huge pine tree...and just in time. i lost full control of my sphincter and PLOP, out came one of those mudball shits that you get when you're hungover. oh yeah, did i mention i was wearing shorts? so, yeah...it dropped right out of my boxers, out of my shorts and onto the ground right between my feet. it was unreal. for crapping my pants, this was as clean as it possibly could've been. i headed down to the creek, took off my boxers, cleaned myself up with 'em and left 'em hanging on a tree branch to commemorate the occasion.

i then re-joined my foursome never to say a word to anyone but my wife, and now...obner.

Senator LooGAR · **Posted:** Mon Feb 06, 2006 4:17 pm

When we got back from Jamaica 2 years ago, I had some kind of lingering effects...And I had a new employee coming to train. SHE arrived around lunch, so I took her to the Oyster House around the corner from our office. Felt like I had to fart....SPLAT! Ran to bathroom and it was much worse than any shart i've ever experienced. All Runny and pudding like right there in my drawers. And this is a small bathroom with one stall. Had to get the drawers off without completely ruining the pants. Accomplished this, dud a quick clean up job, and went back to the table....carefully balanced on one cheek.

When we got back to the office I said I was "feeling sick," and had to run and get some medicine. Took a whole shower and completely changed. Claimed I 'threw up.'

Another real good one was in HS. I was like the dude in American Pie, and refused to shit at school. Skipped out of 5th period, driving about 55 down Golf View (you PTCites know how curvy that thing is) almost went into somebodies lawn. Toilet was right around teh corner from the inside garage entrance. Kicked door, dropped pants...SPLAT!!! Right NEXT to the toilet. Finished up and then had to clean the whole bathroom.

DAT DOODDOO = FUNNY.

greezy · **Posted:** Mon Feb 06, 2006 4:20 pm

a good friend of mine in college was shooting a video for one of his bullshit prerequisite classes, and part of the video involved a scene where a man fires a fake gun off of the top of a parking garage. for some reason, they decided to shoot this scene on top of a parking garage that was right next to the campus police station.
before they shot the scene, my friend had the sudden, uncontrollable urge to take a shit, and let some loose in his pants. he then hastily made up an excuse and ran home to change his pants. he neglected to transfer the contents of his pockets into his new pants, which included a fat sack of reefer and several prescription pills that he was not authorized to have.
when he got back to the scene, the police had arrived, since (predictably) somebody had called them when they saw a group of people on top of the parking garage with what appeared to be a rifle. they had searched everyone on the scene. for weeks afterwards, my friend told everyone who would listen about how crapping his pants kept him out of jail.

Kingfish · **Posted:** Mon Feb 06, 2006 4:23 pm

On my first date with the future Mrs. oldbulee, I spent over an hour in bathroom with the runs. Left her all by herself . I was afraid she wouldn't be there when I got back. I told an obvious lie that there was a long line. I was nervous and that was the best I could come up with. She didn't say anything then but we had a good laugh about it once we were dating.

FT · **Posted:** Mon Feb 06, 2006 4:24 pm

Cap'n Squirrgle Wrote:

Crapping on your own uniform is Taking A Cap'n.

How about calling it "getting decap'nated"???

Cap'n Squirrgle · **Posted:** Mon Feb 06, 2006 4:29 pm

Getting DeCap'nated is when you clean yourself up, and/or throw away the ruins of your clothing.

Cotton · **Joined:** Mon Oct 25, 2004 6:12 pm **Posts:** 17155

my girlfriend has started referring to taking a large crap as "dropping a Ritchie" in reference to Nicole and her elephant-strength laxatives.

juice · **Posted:** Mon Feb 06, 2006 4:32 pm

FT® Wrote:

Cap'n Squirrgle Wrote:

Crapping on your own uniform is Taking A Cap'n.

How about calling it "getting decap'nated"???

Capn' Kanga-Pooed.

Oops! I Crapped My Pants!

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