Crap.

Charlie's beloved hermit crab that he's had for 15 months, died sometime this morning but I don't know when.

He hasn't noticed yet and I just found him dead an hour ago.

He loves this thing sooo much. When our other one died he wasn't here and well he didn't blink because he liked this one so much better(sad and mean, I know).

But he cries sometimes that we don't love "hermie" enough. So I think he's gonna be pretty sad.

I want to wait til Josh gets home tonight and we tell him together. I can just keep him occupied til then which will be easy since my ma is on her way down and we're taking him out for the afternoon.

Anyone else ever have to tell a kid their "pet" died? This sucks.

Yeah, it sucks.

i've had to do this several times. there's a great book i read to my kids called badger's parting gifts. it is so sweet and uplifting. i actually bought this when my mom died. the kids were six and three at the time and it really helped. you'll never make it through the book with a dry eye though.

once you tell him you guys can talk about how cool he was or things charlie liked about him and how he could remember him so the hermit crab is still kind of with him. maybe make a little shrine? save his shell?

my daughter made a cool little shrine to her great grandmother when she died and i think it really helped. good luck jen.

Along with 701,000 other responses on Google, I found this: http://www.parents.com/articles/family_time/5406.jsp

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i've never actually done this, but have seen it done. here are some ideas

try to give the child as much of a "warning shot" as you can. maybe asking what he knows about death, what happens to animals when they get sick will give him some context, and make it less like a sudden thing

be honest to him. he's a kid but he deserves this. you might want to use expressions like "passed on" or "is with god now" or "in a better place" and these are not good because they sorta tapdance around the issue. It's ok to say "died." and then later if he wants totalk more about after life, then you can bring up heavan and things like that, but again don't just assume "hermie's in heavan now." ask him what he thinks and how he wants to think about it.

Be silent. it's hard because you're gonna want to fix it or reverse it, and people sometimes think that words or talking will do it. Tell him the news, and let him react by being silent. he might cry, you have to let him. Then when you think it is right, ask him why he is sad, how he feels, and empathize with him. Don't say "it's okay" or "it will be fine." if it were ok, he wouldn't be sad

let him grieve: if he wants to hold the crab, let him. He may want to clean the cage or dare for it like he always has, and you should let him too. you can have a funeral, let him draw pictures, think of songs that remind of the crab etc.
he may not want to do anything, or he may feel fine. just go with it, read it as it happens

Lastly, this is hard. it's hard for anybody in any context with animals or people. it never gets easy, and if it does, then you probably shouldn't be giving the news. But if you show you care, and try, you can't really make mistakes. good luck

If I ever have kids the only pet I'll allow them to get will be a Galapagos Giant Tortoise, that way I won't have to deal with this shit.

In fact it will probably be at our funerals. And the grandchildrens, and the great grandchildrens...

Let him find it in the tank, then do your best McCoy

"It's worse than that, he's DEAD Jim!"

I've been through this many times. We've had a lot of Gerbils and Hamsters and Hermit Crabs and Guinia Pigs over the years.

I've found that by far the best thing to do is be honest. Tell them the truth, and let them see the animal. Don't try to hide it, or pretend that it isn't a sad event. Its OK to be sad; its natural.

If the animal has lived a long time for its species, be sure to point out how well an environment your child has provided, and tell them how happy the animal must have been. Use this as an opportunity to complement your child - their abilities to love, to be responsible for someone else, and to provide are in need of reassuring.

If the animal didn't live a long life (i.e. met its end in a vacuum or died due to neglect or folly) don't scold the child. You should still complement the child on the loving home they helped provide, and volunteer to take the blame for the untimely death, if if comes to that. You're the adult - don't EVER let your pride get in the way of helping your child through this event. Now is NOT the time to point out anything they may have done wrong.

I've been amazed at how quickly most kids seem to get over traumatic events of this nature. But even if they seem unconcerned, don't joke about the death. A lot of kids internalize this kind of thing - storing it away to come to terms with at a time they feel most comfortable. Let them deal with it on their own. Even if it seems like they're not watching, they'll take their cues from you, and the way you respond.

A "replacement" pet is always a bad idea. Wait at least a couple months before taking in any more pets, and always remind the child of the last one beforehand. They should understand that the sadness they felt from losing a pet will most likely happen again. (unless you're adopting Darrin's Galapagos Giant Tortoise.) Point out to them that a well-treated and well-loved pet will always bring much more happiness than sadness, and be sure that they are willing to put the time into their new responsibilities.

tell him that the other crab must have finally gotten revenge from beyond the grave, and that the child is clearly at fault for not loving the crab who died first enough. Looks like his undying love for Hermie was his undoing, and jealous Mr. First Dead crab clearly never forgets. The child will learn about irony and death at the same time! Also, he will learn that if youre ever mean to someone, even if they die, it's NEVER over! I can't wait 'till I get kids!

Make hermit crab soup.

That should cheer him up.

"Dammit, Jim- I'm a surgeon, not an actor!"

fp

"Bones, this man is choking!"

"Damnit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not... oh."

hey jen,
how's charlie doing?

We never told him yesterday.

But today he got sick at school and I had to get him and on the way home just now I broke the news.

He was sad, but he's taken it well. He DID ask me for another one right now to which I said "nuh uh". He understood though. He said we do still have our cats so that's good.

He just felt bad for poor hermie. I had to explain though that hermit crabs don't even usually live past a year and hermie did, so he's really special. That made him smile. He also said that he bets hermie is watching over us from hermit crab heaven.

So he's good. Thanks for asking laura.

For what it's worth, I don't want to go to hermit crab heaven, esp. if it annexes to horseshoe crab heaven. Ick!

I had a mini lop eared bunny a while ago named Clark. Clark was like a little dog; he would follow different family members around the house and he knew when someone was in the crisper drawer retrieving a carrot for him. He'd sit in laps like a cat and just enjoyed being around the family. He died very young and suddenly due to some sort of heart problem and that is the one of only two times I have ever seen my mother cry. I guess it hit us hard because it was so unexpected. My point, you ask? Well, I suppose I don't really have a point, but it's fairly late and I'm nowhere near tired. I have to occupy my time somehow. Perhaps I'll fill the board with random stories about my past.

Jen, I'm glad Charlie is doing well.

He'd be doing better though if he developed a bitchin' Listerine-guzzling habit. Could make himself forget the pain.

For what that's worth.