So I got back yesterday after 7 days in Cancun. I had a pretty great time. Bascially, if you can't find a way to have fun there you're probably already dead. I'll give y'all a basic rundown of the week. I kept a travel journal for the first time, which was a good idea actually, I wish I had done that in Dublin last year, although I must say, drinking and longhand writing are somewhat precarious. So here are a few highlights.

Saturday: I travelled alone and was due to meet up with my former colleagues from Ontario, who I would by sharing a room with to split costs. (played nothing but Stones on the way down after picking up The True Adventures of the Rolling Stones, and gained new found love for Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out and Goat's Head Soup. Funny coincidence, when my first drink is delivered 'Before They Make Me Run' is playing, which I consider to be a good omen). The airport in Cancun is a nightmarish disaster which you can't really prepare yourself for, no matter how much you try. I've never seen so much humanity try to get my money that fast. If it wasn't the time share people coming in waves (sneaky waves, at that, they're all dressed like airport personnel), once you got outside there was roughly 200 cabbies hustling at every single juncture. I had scheduled a pick-up, which wasn't there yet, so I had to endure this for about 20 min. Finally get to the hotel and snag some food and drink. My colleagues are nice folks, but a bunch of lightweights when it comes to the latter activity, so I spend the rest of the night in the hotel bar racking up charges on my room.

Sunday: Rise up and find breakfast immediately. All you can eat buffets are always close thankfully. By 10am we're all down by the pool frequenting the swim-up bar



It was as good as it gets. I rack up a $93 USD bar tab, drinking mainly beer. How in the hell did I do that? Oh yeah, I'm in a POOL BAR! Of course, I made the grievous error of not bringing waterproof sunblock and the inevitable happens. After spending 6 hours in a pool of chlorine, salt water and ultra-violet light, you can just imagine what that looks like. Thank god I wore my hat or I might be worse for wear.

The opening reception is at 6pm. We walk into the hall and are greeted by staff who start placing ribbons with little shot glasses over our necks. What's in the shot glasses? TEQUILA. I've haven't found a table yet and I've thrown back four shots. This does not bode well. Free alcohol abounds, I make the sane and moral choice to go back to Corona's and not fly into the abyss so early (It proved a wise choice as I look 10,000x better than everyone else the next morning when we actually have to attend the conference).





After the social, the lightweight's go to bed and I had back to the beds in the hotel bar (see my photostream for evidence). Get found by the president of the conference's society who invites me and another sicentist up for some champagne. The other scientist proves to be a worthy adversary in terms of science and alcohol and we close out the bar that night over many more Coronas.

Monday: Conference is on, so my days are spent inside, nursing my truly spectacular burn and listening to many people discuss if and how mobile phones constitute a health risk. It's actually entertaining at times. Filet mignon for dinner and a bucket full of Corona.

Tuesday: More conference during the day, social event that night. A Mexican feast set to...disco music. Nothing gets an older (and more conservative) crowd moving like the BeeGees and ABBA. Everyone seems to have fun. Walk the beach awile later on and then find my bed in the hotel bar.

Wednesday: I pushed it to the limit and have suffered the consequences. Apparently a little over 3 days of fairly steady alcohol consumption mixed with the occaional bottled water had caught up with me. Because of my burn, I've been sleeping on my back which eases my shoulder pain, but worsens my snoring 100 fold. Coupled with the dehydration, and the 100 fold increase in cigarette consumption, I wake up with a nightmarish sore throat and a swollen uvula (yes, that's right) which nearly chokes me. I wake up and start gobbling advil and water. Decide to take the day off in terms of booze, smokes and food, as the mexican flu also sets in a bit. Fortunately the hockey game is on and it's a great game.

Thursday: Last day of the conference. I'm feeling better and drinking margaritas by noon. Dinner out that night with some friends.

Friday: This began and had the potential as being One of the Finest Days Ever. Weather gorgeous, feeling like a million beers. I head to the pool and actually snag myself a cabana which are incredibly hard to come by at 10am.





I had it to myself for about 5+ hours. I sat there looking at the ocean, drinking beer after beer from the bar (which was so close as to be ridiculous), smoking cigs and listening to a 10 hour mix I had on cd-r. I toploaded it with every snappy tune I would want to hear while doing nothing on the beach (Rads, your mid-tempo mong mix was incorporated into it). At one point, I must have looked like a goddamn idiot because I was drunk as shit, smoking and 'The Shape I'm In' from The Last Waltz kicked on and I started fucking laughing out loud. It was just too much. No one deserves this much pleasure. Little did I realize that I was about to discover the univere's penchant for balance and cruelty. After getting a desire for food, I gave up the cabana to my Ontario friends and headed in. By that night, I finally got what everyone warned about, Montezuma's Revenge, the Mexican flu, etc. Unpleasant doesn't even come close to describing it, so I will say no more.

Saturday: Feeling better so I pack up my stuff and head out. Flight doesn't leave until that night, so I stow my bags and head for the beach. Gorgeous day as the picture will attest.



Mongered about the day, thankful that I'm feeling better in time to fly. Picked up by shuttle and head to airport. Looking for duty free. While in line I meet Henry and Karen (pretty Goodfellas, I know, Henry even looked a little like Ray Liotta) who are on their honeymoon. Nice people, as we chat I learn that Henry sells Viagra amongst other pharmaceuticals. By the time we're through security and have found the duty free shops, Henry the Viagra Salesman and I are trading shots of tequila which are free for sampling before you purchase. Apparently you can have as much as you want, because we're half-snapped by the time I reach my gate. Thus endeth the Cancun trip. There's a few more pics here.

Very nice.

This thread should be titled Dumjack's 7 days of living like Beachy. Glad you had good weather and a good time. Jealous.

Jesus Bubba.

"The conference was obviously in full swing, I was sure of it."

awesome dude....good to have you back!!

great pics. pool bars are where it's at.

Pool Bar: Ever notice how everyone is drinking copius amounts of beer and nobody's getting up to go to the john? Great pictures, great travel reporting! I think I have stayed at that hotel, I remember the cabana wolves who must have slept in those things so they would have them all day.

where did ya stay, DJ? Pool bars do look remarkably similar in Mexico, but it looks like a place I stayed a few years ago. Although all-inclusive resorts tend to tag you like cattle, you can't beat the free booze. Sorry you actually had to PAY for yours!

Looks and sounds like you had fun... damn, I need a vacay.

I understood immediately, it was like dealing with one of the Oak Ridge Boys.

how'd that F&L in LV rendition work for you Dumpjack?

Glad you had a good time, brother, and made it back to the wheat fields in (relatively) fine shape.

BRILLIANT!!

This was at the Gran Melia, right on the strip. I'll be submitting some "expenses" for my time there. We'll see how that goes.

And Beachy, those goddamn cabana wolves were the worst. They mark it and keep it all day. I got lucky on Friday snagging it that early. If I stayed any later, I would have just taken up residence in one that was 'reserved' and dealt with it. They were too perfect.

i want to be on that beach. now.

It was a great time, which would have been raised significantly by the company of some fine folks such as yourself. One man can only do so much damage there.

The first night I was there, the guys who were sharing the room with me hadn't yet arrived. After purusing the channels and finding nothing except for the big three networks and Mexican MTV I opted for F&L in LV on my headset. After an day of travelling and fighting off degenerate cabbies, it was the best choice I could have made. I ended my first night there listening to Jim Jarmusch and Harry Dean Stanton jabber at me in stereo. It was perfect.

SACRIFICE!!

I hit the beach as well, but it was only Destin, FL...not bad, and not nearly as valiant an effort as yours, but good to relax a little, nonetheless.

This is exactly what that bitch was made for.

I'm so totally jealous of anybody and everybody sitting on that beach right now.

Ahh, okay. Looks like the same hotel (Gran Porto Real). I've never stayed in Cancun proper, only Playa del Carmen. I plan on hitting that beach again next year.

The farmer's tan from photo 1 closely resembles mine.

Sounds like a great time.

Love the old dudes who try to look cool wearing their polos in the pool. I stopped telling myself that people would think I just liked to have a shirt on when I was a fat middle schooler.

great pics bro. you look happy as hell!

good to have you back 'round these parts.

i'll send you -those- pics later tonight

It was a pretty nice hotel, here's a shot of the inside



and outside;

Not really a beach person per se, but you made it sound awesome.

'Get Yer Ya Ya's Out' became a house favorite here this past winter. I know I drove some people crazy with it.

I could go for some of those cocktails in a pool right about now.

Glad you had a great time, Charlie!

Man, I can't believe my week in Mexico was almost four years ago. Great times. Glad you had fun.

Which in turn made me think of how in the movie that light comes on Richard Manual right when he starts singing...For some reason that scene has always cracked me up.

Good on ya, Chuck!

Let's put together an Obner group vacation in Cancun. Or even better...at beachy's in Belize!!!

I'm sure Chuck's doctoral buddies are great and all, but can you imagine how seriously we could all bring TEH MONGER?!?!?!?!?!?

I think a mongerous treatise in Cancun or Belize would The Ultimate. It would be like Yalta, but The Monger Conference. What a treaty we would broker.