Friggin A.

Boss wants me to play the "clean" edit of "Unfaithful."

The one where "a gun" is clipped out of "might as well take a gun and put it to his head/get it over with."

Not the "dirty" edit. Um, with "gun" in it.

Friggin A.

dub over it with your voice saying "plum"

Plum loco.

Because it's not like, ya know, we don't already play 45 Rolling Stones songs with far more violent lyrics. But, hey, that's Mick, not some black chick.

You guys play Rihanna and the Stones? What type of wacky format are you playing? Top 40 perhaps?

Our format is the non-heavy end of Adult Contemporary, but billed as "The Greatest Hits Of All Time"

Which effectively means 5000 middle of the road tunes from 1956-present. Not too soft, not too hard.

Conceptually, it's cool. In execution, it leaves out another 5000 songs that should be played.

how long has the Who's "who the fuck are you?" lyric been played on commercial radio???? And your director is concerned about mentioning a gun????

The single version does not say fuck.

However we still got "you make a dead man cum"

and "all the colored girls sing doot doo-doo"

etc.

If we played ZZ Top songs (which for some baffling reason I'm told there's too much gee-tar for our format), nearly every song is vulgar. Just mask in double entendres.

Besides "Who Are You" is too heavy for our format. We're more like "My Generation" and "You Better, You Bet" type sounding.

Makes my job weird, where I have to debate whether or not Boz Scaggs "Jojo" was a big enough hit, not too easy listening or too rockin' to play, as opposed to, say, "Breakdown Dead Ahead."

And I've got to do things like qualify why OMD's "Forever Live And Die" is just as "relevant" and "having legs" as "So In Love"

Then there's the automation issue, where the hard drives are a decade-old Scotts System, not windows-based, MP2s, purposefully designed by the company to not be compatible with other technologies, so the only way to add more memory is to buy that company's upgrades. Which my boss won't do because he hates modern music, anyway. Thus I'm stuck having to delete songs as new ones get added.

Which is why there are another 5000 songs I have in my head which should be in the format.

I'm so confused.

"legs" is a media term for "does it stand up over the years and not seem weird to play now"

sorry, I was too vague... what I meant was: Why don't you play ZZ Top then... because...

She's got legs, she knows how to use them.
She never begs, she knows how to choose them.
She's holdin' leg wonderin' how to feel them.
Would you get behind them if you could only find them?
She's my baby, she's my baby,
yeah, it's alright.

She's got hair down to her fanny.
She's kinda jet set, try undo her panties.
Everytime she's dancin' she knows what to do.
Everybody wants to see if she can use it.
She's so fine, she's all mine,
girl, you got it right.

She's got legs, she knows how to use them.
She never begs, she knows how to choose them.
She's got a dime all of the time,
stays out at night movin' through time.
Oh, I want her, shit, I got to have her,
the girl is alright, she's alright.

No, I knew you wuz being the funny.

ZZ Top have too many TUGS (my term for totally useless guitar solos) for the format. Most hair metal does, too.

Mainstream AC frowns on actual noise and prefers to pretend it's noisy by being bouncy.

i.e., "Stacy's Mom" is okay. But "Dani, CA" is way too...gasp MODERN AC. Modern AC is like being gay to Soft AC. You know people are doing it, just not right here where you live and stuff.

And let's not get going on that freakish URBAN AC, with its HIPPITY HOPPITY. The very thought. Mainstream AC likes its black music old-school Lionel.

she has a big forehead

Sort of sounds like the station I worked for when I was an undergraduate. It was an odd mix of things like 10cc, Al Stewart, Leo Sayer, Talking Heads, James Taylor, Marvin Gaye, etc. Sometimes the tracks would flow and be a nice melange (the way radio used to be) and then sometimes they would fill it up with obnoxious hair band ballads.

um... whats AC?

her forehead is indeed a little "Glenn Close"...

As stated above, Adult Contemporary, i.e., "safe light pop."

ahh, i apologize, i was skimming.