A friend of mine called me recently to ask for my advice. Why he called me, I'll never know. Be that as it may, he posited this query: a couple in the neighboring apartment seem to have loud, vigorous sexual encounters. Does he A) bang on the wall and scream for them to STFU. B) Alert the landlord to this nefarious, malfeaseant sexual activity and how it's costing him sleep, or C) press his ear to wall and jack it. I suggested D) knock on their door and attempt to join this debaucherous lechery, thus shaming them into civility. How say you Obner?

D sounds like a plan.

We gotta work on finding you some topics which don't involve cock.

It will either embarrass them so they stop or invite him to join in the fun.

I thought my stock thread was pretty much a cock free zone.

...brimming with latent homo-eroticism. We all know what "stocks" stand for... that thread was about finances like "The Lemon Song" was about lemons!

Stock and cock rhyme, do they not?

I think you just invented OPA's dream job: Cock Trader.

More to the point, I think a nice anonymous note under their door that says "I don't really enjoy listening to you animals fuck all night, KTHX" would do the trick.

dude's seriously got cock on his mind.

prolly a bug chaser.

You guys joke about my sexuality, but my friend is dying a slow death via vibrating walls and an indifferent landlord. For shame, Ob. Little help here.

I donno... tell him to dump a bucket of pig blood, ala Carrie, under the door while it's going on.

That was option E. but I was afraid he might actually do it and I would be an accessory, so I dissuaded him. If all else fails, this is the plan

Tape a sign on their door reading

STOP FUCKING SO LOUD

I'd go for C followed by D.

By the way this is officially the 1,000th Obner thread that makes me glad I dont live in an apartment.

Or just do what my fat old cat does when something pisses her off: drag your dirty ass on something obvious, in protest. Like their door.

With these two, that might only encourage them. Don't feed the animals, ya know?

This is a hypothetical question?

I fail to see how a couple having loud sex in the apartment next door is a bad thing.

I'd be listening to them every time and jerking off. Well, I jerk off anyway but it'd be nice to have a soundtrack.

This is the right answer, if it is the right type of sex for you to get some jollyment.

I suppose I agree except I think going for option D still leaves option C open. Worse case scenario they tell you to fuck off and possibly become louder in their copulation thereby increasing said enjoyment from option C.

Start with D; default to C.

It's the SAT of voyeurism.

Answer: D

I tend to agree with this one. It never really bothered me that much in college when I could here the people next door or across the hall fucking quite loudly, I was more bothered by the fact I wasn't getting any at that time.
Unless they are incredible gifted at the sexual arts and go at it for several hours, I think you can let it go. If it is frequent, then I suggest sliding a note under the store or sticking it on their door telling them to be a little discrete so you don't call the cops the next time.

911 Operator: "911, state your emergency"

gregrey's friend: "PEOPLE FORNICATING. LOUDLY...beep.beep.beep..."

You forgot option E, volunteer to run the steadicam for closeups.

If they're good looking, they're probably vain and would get off on that. As long as he can snark a copy he can make a buck.

And if they're fugly, well, he might make a buck on that too. Cause Fugly can be Funny.