Whenever I've been on a date there has always been at least one unattractive person there.

You really gotta figure out a way to leave mom at home.

I can't really answer because I generally find unconventional people better looking. I tend to gravitate to someone who is almost bordering on "different" looking (i.e. I think Tim Roth and Adrian Brody are both super attractive). Having said that, it has always been about whether or not I like the person, genuinely like them, share similar tastes, if they are a good kisser and ahem...(xo), and if they can make a good mix tape. Seriously though, I'm instantly attracted to people who are passionate about music and film and who share similar or same political ideology (they should like cats, birds and most any animals and not be into cars, cash and trendy things). I generally find that the more I grow to love someone, the more I love everything about them including quirky looks.

Yeah I'm kind of like you. I like them interesting looking and a bit quirky.

Though I truly find my husband extremely hot and he's not that quirky, just New England guy sexy. Though he did have a huge white-boy afro going when we started dating.

I bailed on a kind of blind date once, but only because the guy decided in the restaurant after five minutes that we were soul mates meant to be. I actually called my ex husband from the bathroom and asked him to call me in five minutes claiming our son was sick. He did. So I bailed. The guy creeped me out and I actually decided to give up men and dating that night.

Didn't last long, but blind dates and internet dating are creepy to me now(not that it matters since I"m married but still, for others I know I don't recommend it).

heh heh. just had a friend today tell me how she quit her softball team because there was too much drama. seriously, her exact words.

seriously. sounds like really bad news. how depressing.

On the original topic: yeah, most of the people I've dated haven't been people I've seen and been all "Wow he is so hot", etc. My high school sweetheart had horrible acne for example, but we had a real connection, I never even noticed it.

Melissa, we're a lot alike. Guys who are into music and film are unbelievable turn ons for me. Unfortunately, those types are hard to find...or maybe they're just taken or not interested in me. I'll find one, one day.

Obviously paramount in any relationship is connection as someone mentioned earlier, quickly followed by personal motive or interest. Say you have extended business lunch with a very ugly man at the end of which you'll sign a five million dollar contract for your biz, doubt if you'll ever notice how ugly he really looked.

Business and pleasure are two different things.

indeed.

True. But only simply stating that connection and motive play big roles in what we see in a person. If romanic interest is motive then a person might start getting concerned with looks, otherwise none of that will matter at all, yet being drawn to Mr. 'not too hot' can and does thrive in any case.

I agree that people can become more and less attractive based on their personalities and all that.

But, it is kinda funny how much when a topic of attractiveness comes up, everyone starts jumping on the bandwagon of how looks don't really matter and all when in the real world they are extremely important. Good looking people are more successful than others and every stidy done has shown how we all generally make more positive assumptyions about the mental traits of the attractive than unattravtive people. Really, they just plain get treated better.

It's funny, I know this one chick who extremely hot. Nice girl too. But, going out in public with her is like entering another world. EVERYONE is nice to you. Just being with her gives you some sort of status. Your jokes are funnier. People who would shrug and walk past want to chat you up. It's like they believe you must have something special about you if this really attractive person hangs out with you. I guess it's like getting a contact high.

As to the question, sure I've gone out with unattractive people if you mean people who if I just saw a picture of them I wouldn't find very attractive. But, they were always attractive to me. If they aren't attractive to you, through personality or bank account or whatever, it's never going to work. If you can't go out with someone you are attracted to in whatever way you are because you're too hung up on what others will think, you've got bigger problems to worry about.

aren't most guys into music and film?

I know exactly what you mean. I went out to dinner with a female friend who is abnormally hot, got good grades, funny, witty, etc. We went to a place that had a lot of college age girls waitressing. You could feel them looking at you differently. I am probably average looking. Nothing exceptionally attractive. But that night you'd have thought I was Brad Pitt. You get the feeling that the girls that worked there were thinking, either this guy is an amazing human being or he is extremely well-hung.

I have definitely experienced the hot by association thing before. haha.

Anyone that denies the importance of physical attraction is out of their mind, IMO. It is not the defining factor of a relationship, but it is certainly the first step (leaving out blind dates, etc). I would never initiate contact with a female for romantic intentions if there was not at least a physical attraction there. It's not shallow, it's how I get my initial push to actually pursue something. You have to find the person you're with attractive. And I totally agree that the more you get to know them and the more awesome they are you start noticing little things about them that build your physical attraction.

seems to me that in relationships, the people are usually similar amounts of attractive. i don't know how that relates to the question at all. i guess that everyone should look in the mirror and adjust expectations accordingly.

i have not but god knows they have.

I know you're a photographer and all (what's that address? That'd lend credence to your claims. sam something.com?)

but I've noticed a trend in guys in my age group. As my friends are reaching their upper 20's into their 30's, they're completely boxing out of their weight class and winning. I'm not saying they're froggish men, but they are pulling some ridiculously good looking women.

I think it has to do with these women wising up. Or maybe it's just a case of lowered standards.

i've actually noticed the opposite, kind of frumpy women with good looking dudes.

it's a crazy world out there.

Attractive. It means there's something about that person that attracts you. It doesn't mean that person has to fit the conventional ideals of hott. And contrary to what the plastic surgeons and advertising execs want, the fact is every individual is attracted to different traits.

Although, give our culture another ten years and I may retract that statement.

sure is.

are you noticing couples of 'similar' attractiveness?

Cause i'm noticing couples where there's clearly a hot person in the couple. Like d is the hot person in our couple, no doubt. Colin and his ex wife, colin was the hot person. Colin and every girl since... the girl is the hot person. Squirggle and his wife, definitely his wife.

semi related: when i went to the dentist last month he coyly mentioned that if i wanted i could have a 2k procedure to straighten and whiten my teeth. He said it in such a way that made me think people with a lesser self esteem would think that they NEEDED this procedure.

i get complimented on my smile about once a week.
fuck off doc.

Says the hott guy with the hott lady friend.

A-fucking-Men.

Still waiting for her to wake up one day and go "wait I did WHAT now?!"

I've had this happen, too. Tanya, you should've found his address and burned his house to the ground. I was also told by a "friend" that between my best friend and myself, "Let's face it, Jasmine. You have it all on the inside, but she's got it all on the outside." Great. I've never forgotten that.

I've never dated someone that I've found unattractive, but I'm a weird breed. If you're nice on the inside, I'll find you cute on the outside. It always works that way. And as I get older, I care less about who's hott and more about who's healthy and loves their mom and has a job and great taste in music and entertainment.

Tanya, you'll find someone who's worthy of you. It may take some time and wading through assholes, but there's a wonderful guy out there who's waiting to treat you like a queen. You just have to find him!

(I have no idea why I posted that emoticon. I just realized that we have a goldmine of them in here...)

I would also suggest that trolling through your familiar online haunts *may not* be increasing your odds of finding single, stable, normal men.

You're fishing on Nuclear Reactor Runoff Pond and bitching that the fish glow in the dark.