I just lock mine in the living room at night.













...but he's a cat.

yeah.

I think I may have been spanked once. I certainly got sent to "time out" a lot. I was a good kid but a little fiery.

My mom used to get beat with a wooden spoon/hairbrush...etc. Her Mom was an intense woman. It's horrible stuff to go through.

Frankly, from my own experince and of those close to me, it's more than "enough" to have parents who are verbally intense with you---let alone physically.

Its child abuse plain and simple. Anyone who hits their kids should be fucking locked up.

I dunno. I think that there is a lotta room between spanking and hitting.

I'm with Phil A. though, we were spanked and should have been spanked more. God, what a couple of dicks my brother and I were.

The concept of timeout would have only afforded us the time to come up with a new diabolical plot to drive my parents insane.

My grandmother used to make me go pick out my own "switch" from a rose bush. She'd pick off the thorns and then spank me with it. Hurt like a motherfucker.


I don't have any problems with spankings.

The act of hitting one of my kids( I have 3) is so incomprehensible to me that I have a very hard time sseing how anyone can cross that line.

Skinnerian reinforcement at its best.

It sounds like you're imagining a close-fisted punch.

You can spank a child on the butt in a way that communicates your message and does not actually inflict any real pain. It's not like you just spank a kid with all your strength. It's like a slap on the hand, except it's a spank on the butt.

It's not either nothing or a bruise causing punch somewhere on your kid. There is, IMO, a middle ground. But, I still do argue that getting the proper training to your children, ideally, can be done without ever crossing the line of spanking. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that a spank on the bottom is child abuse. That seems a bit extreme of a viewpoint, IMO. Then again, you have 3 kids and I got none.

I feel you. My folks struggled with it but they came up during a time before the ideas of non-violent discipline and such.

They didn't want to do it but it was their way of teaching me right and wrong or at least reinforcing what was wrong. It worked. I knew right and wrong. It's just that the wrong always seemed to be more fun.

I don't blame them. I was an insufferable little shit I'm sure.

I see spanking my kid as similar to screaming at classroom of my students. Once you get there, you have nowhere else to go. I suppose as a last resort, it suffices. But I also think it shows a lack of imagination.

Its an interesting question, but judging by the fact that I, and most of my cohorts, were at least rebuked with a swat or a smack, and considering the behavior it DIDN'T prevent, I'd have to say evidence points to it not really working.

Got the SHIT kicked out of me. Don't blame them for it.

Won't be doing it to my kids. Unless they piss me the fuck off.

Again, it was more the embarrassment factor than any actual pain... come to think of it, it didn't feel any different than sitting down quickly on a hard chair twice in a row. Once they actually went through with it once, I never doubted who was in charge anymore.

A spanking, as in a swat on the butt a couple times is not child abuse. It is at times effective, and not every child is born perfect and under control at all times.


My mother was raised by an alcoholic who was abusive towards her(mind you this was a wealthy woman whose husband subjected her to near poverty at one point, and ran off cavorting with other women while she was at home raising five children) my mother in turn, when she was having nervous breakdowns, had on many occaisions beat the living shit out of me when I was a teenager. It wasn't pretty. It was also for some of my own fault for being a pain in the ass.

Do I hold it against her now, as an adult knowing that she was under mental duress at the time? No. I don't. I got over it. Yes it hurt and in some ways it did hurt me, but as an adult I had to get past it in order to raise my children properly and function in life.

I suffered more from her emotional abuse then I did her physical.

So on this note I leave you something: A spanking here and there as long as not administered under complete lack of control, is acceptable and I think at times acceptable.

Straightfoward beating or whipping(sorry Stop Breathing, I don't like whipping a child at all, no reason ever unless they killed someone) on the other hand is just plain wrong. But, if it's done and the person is remorseful about it, as often the cas-then I will not judge that person. As long as it isn't done again, and again.

Sorry Ayah, usually you and I are on the same page. I hope this doesn't mean we still can't be friends.

ayah, I have to disagree with you. I think it depends a great deal on the child that is requiring the discipline. My son is extremely strong willed and has no problem ignoring us when we tell him to do/ stop doing something. He can sit at the dinner table for hours with the same piece of chicken in his mouth. He can ignore us at will. He can continue coloring or playing or stabbing his sister with a "sword". The only thing he responds to is a spanking or the threat of it. If he's doing something that he knows he should not be doing, and has been told repeatedly to stop, he may get a flick in the head, a stint in the corner, or a spank. All this depends on the severity of what he is doing. The problem that I have with him is that he knows what he should and should not do, he hears us reminding him, he blatently chooses not to listen. When he is getting reprimanded, I make a point of pulling his head so he is looking me in the eye. He is always trying to turn away because the eye contact, and seeing the disappointment and anger in my eyes hurts him most.

My daughter on the other hand is a little diva. She wants it her way or nothing and is often fine with getting nothing.

Me hitting my child does not necessarily mean that my child gets a free pass to hit others. He knows it is wrong to hit others (and he reminds us during his spankings) but he also knows he deserves it, which is made clear before the spanking commences. He knows not to hit others and knows to come get a parent to intervene.

(On a side note, you don't have to lift a finger to abuse your children. Being abused verbally can be more detrimental than with pain. I think it is infinitely better to discipline with fear than with destroying their self respect and confidence.)

"Just wait til daddy gets home Lil Busty--then its the Busty Slap across your behind"

I find it a bit funny the way some of you react to simple (or, more aptly, traditional) discipline. I agree with Timmy that it has a lot to do with the child, as well. Different children respond to different things. It has been effective with my two boys, and make no apologies to anyone for doing it. My children have never been "injured", my goodness. And I have never spanked one of my kids without him coming to me within fifteen minutes, crawling into my lap or beside me, and hugging me tightly.

What are you guys' views on this being a regional thing, a la more acceptable in the South than in the Northeast or west coast?

As long as you are in complete control of yourself, and come to the conclusion that spanking is the best method to use, fine.

What I think is wrong is spanking a kid while angry. For example chasing a terrified kid, and then when he trips, hitting him with a belt over and over while he is down. That kind of thing is best left to the parents.

I guess I'm in the category of being a parent who doesn't spank but also doesn't condemn his parents for spanking.

Times were different then.

Also dad freed his slaves in '73.

you guys can justify your behavior any way you'd like.

my daughter was/is one of the most strong willed person ever to walk this earth. she has known how to push my buttons since she was 3. it was not easy and at times, still isn't.

with the exception of once (already posted) i never hit my kids and they are happy and love each other and we all treat each other with due respect on a daily basis. they are 14 and 17 and not spoiled and were/are held accountable for the times they screw up.

the biggest punishment i could inflict on my kids was not reading aloud to them before they went to sleep. it was devastating to them and much less harmful than spanking.

i'm not saying i am a perfect parent but i am extremely confident that the decision to not hit them was the right one.

i was hit as a kid and all it did was make me a better liar and a sneak.
you can do what you like but i know i'm right.

i'm not picking on you, tj but if spanking works why do people have to spank their kids more than once or twice or three times?

<--- currently doing a needlepoint of that saying for ayah's next Xmas present.

Yeah, I certainly agree with this. Much parental discipline is done out of anger, frustration, power-seeking, irritation and/or exasperation.

There are people who spank methodically and without rancor, but I only met them in movies about the Amish and in Sunday School stories.

I used to give my son a couple swats on the butt over the years, I haven't in a few years since he's too old and taking away the gameboy seems to be better punishment.

I just don't think that a couple swats is tantamount to child abuse.

The kids are always testing the parents to see how far they can go, and to see what they get away with. My kids are way smarter than they should be and are constantly trying to manipulate us and trick us. It started with the "I don't want the blue cup, I want the red cup." To which we say, no, I already put the milk in the red cup. You get the red cup. This is then followed by a tantrum or meltdown. They have to learn these meltdowns aren't going to get them what they want. They get spanked for different things, and they get spanked on multiple occasions for doing the same thing. It's like they are testing us to see if we'll keep up the consistency. I don't spank them from the beginning, they get warnings, they get eye contact, they get the corner, and then they get the spank. It's a level of discipline I don't like to get to, but when other avenues are exhausted it gets the message across.

The only other thing that I have found effective is to isolate him from contact with others. This hurts him more.