The "comedy" guy on the morning drive sports talk show here in Dallas (Gordon Keith) does a pretty hilarious set of fake Valentine's Day cards each year. He's got a really dark sense of humor. Here is this year's batch:
http://www.gordonkeith.com/wordpress/?page_id=292
Quote:
Dear Valentine,
As I told you before, I was hurt by the breakup of my last relationship. But it was nothing like the hurt she felt before the ambulance got there. Don’t cross me.
Gordon
Dear Thief of my heart,
Why does my heart flutter every time I see you? It is usually the Angel Dust.
Gordon
Dear Carbon Based Lifeform:
Lovemaking with me is an incredible experience. I hope you’ve got a good HMO.
Gordon
My sweetest valentine sugar foot,
I promise, no more meth combined with gunplay………unless you act like a whore again.
Gordon
My dearest darker than pink shade enjoyer,
Love never dies…..but tonight you will.
Gordon
Dear Heart Day Gal Pal,
I want to know more about you. Partly cause of my feelings for you, and partly because I need filler for your obituary.
Gordon
P. S.: You can leave out the cause of death part cause I got that covered.
Dear Sweetheart
Nothing is better in Love than to be playful with the other. So I want to play a game. It’s called “Your wrists shackled to your ankles and me with a cucumber.” Prediction: I’ll win all over you.
Gordon
Dear cherub chaser,
They say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all………I say to them, my love isn’t lost. She’s tied to an anvil in the deepest, slowest moving part of the river. You’re next.
Gordon
Hey Good Hard working lover,
What is my first reaction when you walk through the door? Probably my hand gripping the hammer in anticipation.
Gordon
Dear Sentimental Safety Girl,
If your house burns down which picture of me would you take? Tell you what, I’ll choose for you, after I discard the kerosene and torch.
Gordon
To my longtime lover,
When I think of all the good times we have had, I draw a blank.
Gordon
