I just slapped a dude. He may have been homeless. He knocked me down. My head hurts.






So the wife is working her tail off, and goes to bed tonight at 10. I just got in bed, and was reading, and one of the dogs suddenly decides it's time to go out. I get dressed, take him outside. He's taking his time.

Then I hear this piercing whistling from our sidewalk. Some older (45-55) drunken dude is walking down the street, with both fingers in his mouth, whistling. Just stumbling along, whistling loud as shit. Remember that time I punched a racoon? Well this guy's gotten us before. He does this once in awhile, walking down the block slowly, waking people up. I never get quite mad enough to come outside, but I always silently hate him. This time, I'm outside, and have a slight buzz (like with the racoon).

"SHUT The FUCK UP!"
-pause ...pause... WHISTLE!


...ditto, twice more. Now I'm fucking livid. I start trotting out the driveway, and something's gonna happen.


I catch up to him, even though he's sped up a bit. This is the best recollection I have of what just happened:

-You think I can't catch up to you? Shut the fuck up. Now.
"Why should I?"
-Because people are sleeping. Right there. In those houses. People who have to work early. Shut the fuck UP.
"(random drunk talk)" and here I give the guy a full-arm Busty Slap, for some reason. Just fucking winged him, hard, even though he outweighs me by eighty pounds easy. I honestly wish I hadn't. Seriously, I wish to fucking god I hadn't.
"This is a free street" etc, butting up against me, looking down at me, "I should just fuck you up, you know that? You're about to get fucked up!" with booze on his breath, bigtime.
-You fucking REEK of booze, you know that?
and he knocks me over. I sprawled backwards a good 6 feet, slid a little, and came to a stop. Out comes the knife from my pocket, not pointed at him, just held right about kidney level. I don't get off on carrying a pocket knife, but I know what I'm doing. I don't break eye contact, but he sees it.
"You think I'm scared of your little knife?"
-You think I won't open you up and leave you on the sidewalk?
...
"You hit me first." and he was totally correct. As soon as he said it, I realized what I'd done.
-You are absolutely right, and I regret it. I'm going to bed.

and I turned around and walked off. As I walked away, I heard this:
"you know what? You know what you get? Every time I walk down this street, I'm gonna (whistle)!!!"

I snuck back in the back door. I think my wife slept through it. My throat and forehead hurt. I haven't looked in a mirror. I really wish I had better control.

crazy

I just realized I'm missing my glasses.

We got us a Law & Order episode in the makin' right here we do.

Ya got some balls for a little guy, I gotta give ya credit for that. Don't worry about it.

wait, punched a raccoon?

Yup, found 'em. Out on the sidewalk. Didn't even notice.

http://www.obner.org/bb/viewtopic.php?t=5170&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=raccoon&start=25

Last house, three years ago. High life.

damn, who knew there were bumfights in wisconsin?

Yet another reason to worship TEH CAP'N!

wow I reeeally wish I hadn't done that. My neck is killing me.

I wouldn't worry about it. Once again we can learn a lot from The Simpsons...when Homer saw the aliens and was drenched with liquor so that no one would believe him? Same principal here...homeowner vs. drunk dude- in Wisconsin. You can beat the rap.

might have more than a slight buzz.

also, why did you have a pocket knife on you at that time?

I always carry a pocket knife, ever since I was an electrician years ago. I don't know how or why people get through life biting their way into packages and cleaning their fingernails with their keys.

In this case, I felt genuinely threatened by this guy when he knocked me over and kept coming, and decided a little buffer zone would be nice. He stopped coming at me when he saw it, and started fishing in his own pocket (I heard keys jingling). I called him on it, and he stopped. I didn't have any intention of proactively going after him with it... I'm not retarded. But it sure as shit made him pause, and then the tide changed.

I'm certainly not drunk. Trust me.

True. I always carry a pocket knife. One of those things I learned from dear ol' dad.

I'm sorry but I laughed at this...



Hope your neck is feeling better, K.

Damn Caps, that's straight up gangster there. Hope you feel better.

you slapped a homeless person who knows where you live, Jesus what a horrible idea, I mean now he's probably going to come after you with a real knife and cut you up or something!(does this happen in real life or have I just seen too many movies?)

suck shit.

Where do you get off slapping a man? What are you assertively disciplining your daughter?

south pacific sez:

Next time, a BB gun fron the upstairs bedroom to the seat of his pants after hearing said whistle.



Then sick the dogs on him. Fucking bum.

my response is pretty much the opposite of this in every way, from syntax to sentiment, but you probably know that and don't really need to hear it from me. I'm glad that you're all right.

Dude probably should have left you as a little greasy spot on the sidewalk. 100% dick move.

Jesus Cap!

While I applaud you taking action in response to what sounds like has been a problematic situation I also think that could've gone REAL bad as well.


Glad you're all right.

Like Derris said. Glad you're okay, but you need to take it down a couple notches chief.

I mean no one needs to say that you should have done things a lot different, because you know that. Just consider yourself SUPER fucking lucky and move on. Might want to start by not saying "SHUT the FUCK UP!" to start off asking someone to be more quiet.

Yeah this isn't "cool" by any means.

Again, glad you're okay.

Says the genius who tried to get me to "confront" a dude with him on a beach at midnite in Jamaica

But they are correct, Ky. Pretty weird incident all around, and your new nickname is "Junkins, Jr." tough guy!