So I live in this apartment with an engaged couple (though my rooms are completely seperate from theirs) who have the worst relationship of all time. I've listened to them fight every single time they've been home at the same time, he uttering such choice forays as "I never should have agreed to marry you - I deeply in my heart do not want to marry you," "you're a fucking undomesticated bitch," and "you're a dirty Jew" (she's Jewish), and she usually responding with attacks on his business sense.

I rent on a month-to-month basis, but generally it was understood that I would be here till school gets out in May. However, during the middle of last week, I casually asked Joe how long they were planning on living here. He paused strategically and said, "probably till the middle of March, but maybe till the end of April." The stupid prick then told me not to worry, he's a real agent and they've got some really nice places he can show me. For some reason, I didn't feel much loyalty toward the guy, so I went out and found a sublet for March-May (I'm paid up here till February). I told her that I had (promply letting them know my plans, you see) and asked her to pass the information on to him. I'm pretty sure this led to this morning's fight (and the "dirty Jew" comment), and then the guy calls me all dejected like 5 minutes ago to ask about it and when I confirm what I said to her, he mumbles "all right" and hangs up.

Amazing.

one time i lived with james z.
i'm pretty sure i was the roomate from hell.

but man, that sounds like it sucks.

Oh, and to date, here is the list of my stuff that they (but mostly he) have eaten all or most of because they are too lazy to shop for groceries:

-One jar of nice raspberry jam (though their jar of smuckers went untouched even when I hid the nice jam), which was subsequently returned to the fridge empty
-One package of thai noodles
-Three cans of tuna FOR THE CAT
-Jar of mayonnaise
-A full disposable pepper grinder, which they replaced with cheap, pre-ground black pepper
-A box of spaghetti

you should leave a "deposit" hidden somewhere when you move out.

Hm. Maybe a good opportunity for the "upper decker."

Who called who a "dirty jew"? What a bunch of asses!

well is she a dirty jew? like, is the apartment clean at least?

dirty jew is a great term of endearment where i come from

not at all. just a few oddities like the hammer in the sink, shoelaces in the microwave, and three grains of rice laid out on a napkin in the fridge that made me wonder, "what the fuck?" and those are good stories. at least you didn't have insane cats then...

Ian is a cat boy?

I love being called a dirty jew. It's nice to be reminded.

yea, these cats are insane. i'm starving them.
i never heard about the rice. i did some strange shit.

The fucking guinea called his fiance a "dirty jew." The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

Incidentally, she did spend the rest of the day cleaning the apartment.

Yeesh, I hope never to have a relationship like that.

Fill out change of address forms for them.

Preferably to some address that they aren't aware of.

That will be sure to give you a huge sense of self satisfaction.

Sounds like it worked. My roommates are kinda messy, but neither of them are Jewish. I might try this out tomorrow.

The Senator drank 4 of 6 of a Sierra Porter I was planning on drinking; I even had shit beer for him to fat on; And Jim Beam (he drank a gang a that to); I mean, I steal on other folks liquor, but damn, I was planning on enjoying that Sierra Porter whilst I watched the Grammys.

That being said, I am an awful person to live with; that's why I built a house.

blah.

Edit: oh yeah, Haq, don't leave the upeer-d; instead piss or shit into an air vent on their side of the apartment. or shit behind the drier so the intake sucks in the shit stench and.....well. i've got many more but they get REAL technical.

Fill out those blow-in subscription cards for gay porno mags in his name, check bill me later.

most of that is like whatever but I'd start cracking skulls if someone stole my spaghetti.

my roommate apparently fell into cement ("waist-deep") on her way to work this morning, came home to change clothes, then asked for a ride to work. i said i could do that since i had to drive a friend to a mechanic soon too. then she made us late by spending an inordinate amount of time dressing again (after she'd even been home about an hour). and halfway down the block to my car, my roommate turns around and says, "i'll just take the el." what?! so we waited for nothing?! this is pretty typical, though.

No bagels and lox? Dirty Jew.

I am well aware that I may be the worst roomate in the history of man. I smell, I'm messy, I am probably the LOUDEST man on the planet, and talk just to hear myself I am a massive drunk and abuse Krylon and all ssorts of other heinous substances. I don't clean. I only like crappy TV shows, and though me and Bloor agree on what artists we like, we generally tend to disagree about what tracks/albums we like the best, So, yeah I suck, and I drank Yail's beer. I'm also unemployable. But, I'm still cooler than all y'all ninjas.

if at all possible i will never have a roommate ever again. living by myself was really awesome, in kind of a bleak and depressing way.

They were just doing you a solid, saving you the hassle of grinding and all. Flavor is all hype anyway.

i don't mind my roommates but they can do some stupid things such as putting a plastic shower curtain in the washing machine and putting hair in a wicker basket.