the HR person quit
he claims we don't need an HR person and that we can file all HR complaints directly to him

you should nonchalantly ask if conceal and carry is alright at your job.

So there's an opening for somebody in HR?

are you a young attractive white female?

I was with you until "young."

The company runs a free shuttle between here and Cambridge. You just call security in the main building and tell them which one you wanna be on and they pick you up.



3 days ago, on phone:
me - "Yeah I need to put myself on the 5:00 shuttle."
young security dude - "...Ok you're all set."
me - "Sweet. Thanks."


2 days ago:
me - "Yeah I need to put myself on the 5:00 shuttle."
VERY old security dude - "(sigh) Sir, I need to know your name and what building you work in."
me - "Oh, ok. It's Squirrgle, at [bldg]."

..."that's odd" I think to myself. Why did one guy know, and the other not know?

Yesterday:
me - "Yeah I need to put myself on the 5:00 shuttle."
young security dude - "...Ok you're all set."
me - "...you know who I am and where I am?"
y.s.d. - "(chuckle)Yep, it's right here on the caller i.d."

Today:
me - "Yeah I need to put myself on the 5:00 shuttle."
O.S.D. - "(siiiiigh) SIR, I don't know who you are or what building you're in."
me - "If you look down there at the screen on the phone, you'll see it says 'Squirrgle, Cap'n' on it, along with [bldg]. So that way you don't have to ask how to spell it or anything."
O.S.D. - "(scribble scribble) ... and how do you spell Squirrgle again?"

god help me
this is just too much

boss introduces me to some landowner... (guy at LEAST 70 years old)

boss: "and this here is our marketing guy... he's actually a real artist too... and he's straight!"

guy: "what?"

boss: "he likes women... we think... he's a straight artist"

guy: "oh... i thought you meant he stood straight"

then silence and total awkwardness

i guess the joke is that artists are sposed to be gay

I think your boss may be hiding something.

Now that's something special right there.

jesus h christ. That is terrible.

at the doctor's office, right before getting a Benadryl shot

Nurse: You're gonna get it in the butt
Me: Yeah, that's pretty much how this week is going

in a shocking display of self awareness ... boss apologized for referring to me as a straight artist

he said that dumb things just pour out of his mouth when he meets new people

Your boss should prepare himself for a lawsuit.

yeah that's not a quality that lends itself to Bossery.

So, if cats pursued this, would he be "squirrrgggling" his boss, or "reverse-squirrrgggling" his boss?

Neither, as the boss wouldn't be losing his job due to internet usage. He'd just be getting his boss in a lot of trouble.

I overheard a couple of guys at my old work talking about what hair straightening irons they use.

my boss was a successful lawyer before this business venture
...there will be no squirrglin

also,
none of this really offends me
it just baffles me

woah...
were they straight guys talking about straightening irons?

yes.

the kind of guys that wear skin-tight jeans cut off above the knee and large loose fitting t shirts tho...

i used to always want straight hair...

well now you can!

I will never care about my appearance enough to do something like flat iron my hair. At least I hope not.