Following up on this post from last month, I figure I have regular, daily bus rides in my future, so I'll probably have enough material to fill out a respectable 2nd-rate thread.
in november I Wrote:
FANTASTIC experience on the bus ride home from downtown today:
So there's this old black homeless dude with a baseball cap sitting across from me, with a wad of panties in his hand, sourced from a duffle bag sitting next to him. He's selling them. And he is one Hell of a salesman. Dude is working it. All the panties are black, cotton, with some sort of pricetags on them. He's letting them go for the lowlow price of $1 each. Every girl that comes on, he gives them the pitch, and he's pretty damn good.
So I have earphones in, and am intermittantly tuning him in and out. When I notice the girl next to me talking to him, I hit pause.
"C'mon, now, you gotta buy a pair of these panties. They COTTON. They gonna last you a long time. Girls always need more panties" etc.
So sure enough she eventually buys a pair after being worked on for 5 minutes. From an old homeless dude on the city bus. I was fairly astounded that she planned on putting these things on her coochie.
Then, he starts in on her about some bottles of lotion. Dove somethin or other, and Nivea. Pulls them out of the bag. No dice. So he goes for the quantity sell-up... "I'll give ya 2 more pair for a buck fifty. C'mon, I need to buy a pack of cigarettes." She gives in and buys two more pairs of panties. From a dirty old dude on the bus.
And right about the time I'm thinking he's just a "really good" fucking salesman, he kicks it into the Sales Stratosphere. A homeless white guy, late 50's, looking BAD gets on and sits in front of me. Big bruise under one eye, greenish skin, stubble, 3 earrings, walking and talking really slowly, either drunk, on medication, or just in reeeeally shitty shape... ...fucking Dude starts trying to sell him panties. I hit pause again to hear it, literally scooting to the edge of my seat.
He starts in about "don't you have a girlfriend, you should buy her some panties." But the guy says No, I have a boyfriend, but then gets embarassed. But Dude doesn't miss a beat - "He gon' look REAL good wearin these black panties, prancin' around in some high heels. You KNOW you wanna see that shit tonight." Everyone chuckles.
...he eventually fucking bought 2 pair. That was seriously the finest example of pure salesmanship I have ever seen. It was like watching some vegas magician make a porsche dissappear.
Right. So Yesterday:
Get on, go a few stops, and a huge dude behind me gets up and walks over in front of me. I'm sitting just behind the side doors, and he stands in the free space in front of them. He looks tired, is rubbing his face, and looking up at the ceiling of the bus a lot.
Looking a little more closely at him, I see he has 2 things in his hands - a disposable razor, and a can of shaving cream. I think, "huh, that's wierd, not to have those in a bag" and figure he just came from Walgreens or some shit.
Then I see that as he rubs his face, his hand is leaving a white trail... he's applying shaving cream. Sure enough, he starts shaving. And he's not looking at the ceiling, he's looking at the convex mirror mounted on it. He did a pretty good job, too.
Last time, I was pissed at myself for not getting a picture, so this time I made sure to.
