You know self-defense er somethin'?

If you can grab those handrails all winter and not get sick (aside from what my wife got me with), your white blood cells are pretty much ninjas.

I was looking forward to not having anything to contribute into this one for awhile, but damn if I'm not 2 for 2.

A lady got on one stop after me, went past my seat, then changed her mind and sat down next to me. She looked a little bit like Miss Lady Chablis from Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil (tall, thin, black, but only a teenie bit mannish). I was listening to Car Talk, so time flew by. When I finally got to my stop, I stood up to indicate that I was getting off. She reluctantly got up, and stepped about 12 inches to her right, so I didn't really have enough room to get out. The bus was not crowded, so I couldn't figure out why she wouldn't move over a little. But she didn't and the door was open (time to get off or miss the stop) so I carefully squeezed past her, with minimal contact.

As I got around her and got half-way out the door, I felt her kick me, pretty hard. Standing on the sidwalk I spun around and looked at her through the open doors, and she was sneering at me for some reason. With NPR still going in the headphones, I couldn't hear anything, but I said (at what I guessed to be about the right volume) "Did you just KICK me?!" I could make out the words "Yes, motherfucker" but nothing else.

And then the doors shut, with her still telling me off.

WTF? What in the hell did I do? She didn't look crazy, but then she didn't look real balanced either.

Nice.

I normally walk through a bus stop to my parking space. Today I was jogging to my car because it was raining pretty hard. Just as I am crossing the street into the bus stop, I hear this bro yelling "Hold the bus", but he's jogging all slow because he has to hold his pants up as he runs. I jog behind the bus as it pulls away, he jogs in front of me and passes 2 girls standing at the bus stop. He starts yelling "Stupid white girls won't hold the bus." I almost yelled out "stupid black man runs like a sloth" and luckily I didn't because he turned around and walked back to the bus stop as I got in my car, so he could have easily run up and started beating my ass, or have shot me at close range. I wonder what the atmosphere was like at the bus stop when he stood there with the 2 stupid white girls. haha

You honkies need to quit ridin' DAT BUS!

i'm thinking it wanted to squirrgle you.

I find it somewhat ironic that you're riding the bus listening to Car Talk. This is some of the funniest shit I've read in a long time. There's definitely material here for a TV sitcom or even a documentary about public transportation. Better still: a mockumentary in the vein of "Best in Show" or "A Mighty Wind".

Keep the stories comin'.

these stories are gold


btw, only the poor and mentally imbalanced ride the bus

you need to shoot video, kyle.

During the crackhead lady episode, I was thinking "fuck, the audio is the best part."

And I'm happy to report that nothing notable whatsoever happened Friday. I was like extra friendly to the lady sitting next to me.

Not a great one, but yesterday I did have a white dude with zig-zag cornrows sit near me, which is just the sorta middleweight everyday miracle I rely on to make me smile. He sat down, whipped out a wad of cash, and started counting it. Slowly. (I had plenty of time to notice, ponder taking a picture, get out the phone, and carefully pose the shot on the sly.) Then, when he was done, he took off his right shoe and pulled down his sock half way, revealing another wad of cash which also apparently needed counting. That's 2 wads of cash. Everyone impressed?



Once he was done, he began to look around trying to make eye contact with everyone, grinning. I figured it was part of the "hey look everyone I have some cash today" ritual, and I thought of Finch Platte and winced. But then he grabs the blue bag at his feet and begins pulling out bootleg dvd's, trying to sell them quietly. "Dvd's, $40 for [some quantity I couldn't hear]"




No takers. Panty Dude coulda sold them.

now there's a guy you SHOLD have slapped

Finch Platte was flashing wads of cash?

whatever didnt fit in his bindle.

you're flirting with another nasty beatdown holmes

and this picture was well worth the beatdown



jesus

i want to cry
its
so
beautiful

dude.

I have the sly photo technique downpat. The phone doesn't even open. I'm not stupid. Holmes would've cut me as soon as look at me.





I'm a grown man with skills.

Also, I just turned 32, and I have a buzz.

This is kinda cheating, but it was on the way to the bus stop.

Range Rover with what appeared (and smelled) to be a large quantity of light-brown poop smeared all over the driver's window AND door handle (nice touch):




They must've pissed somebody off. Imagine starting your day off that way...

it wasn't very nice of you to do that cap'n

Given the neighborhood and the vehicle, I'm guessing it was a jilted gay lover getting revenge, and not just a random act of douchebaggery.

That is just evil. And this ain't like walking out to your driveway in the suburbs and finding this - the guy/girl's house might be a block or two away, and there are no hose spigots. Cleanup would be tedious.

Gay men don't drive SUV's.

They drive Volkswagens.

They do here. Expensive ones, anyway.

here in minnesota
lesbos love the subarus
like kids love the dinosaurs

also i have a gay friend that drives a jeep-ish thing that looks just like your picture except its blue

so ... proof positive that gays drive things