Today I present you with a slight variation.

TALES FROM TRIVIA NIGHT

or, "Try not to picture biting this on your way to the can."



Every tuesday night we go down the block to an old irish bar for trivia night. It's a lot of fun, our team is good, beer is cheap, and we've been winning a lot lately. It's the high point of my week. Last night we clinched victory at the 11th hour with a Duane Allman question. Last week, neuro fucking beat the entire bar, alone. That guy. I love to see the staff and some of our friends who usually show up.

What we don't normally see, however, is a table full of 19 year old med students (by the looks of them). But last night there was a table of like 8 or 9 people right by us, all drinking water, giggling, ordering nothing and tipping nothing, and playing trivia. Mary the waitress was thrilled. So at some point early on, I see our friend Mark look over, and get this huge grin on his face and blush a little bit. "What the fuck is she doing? My god."

Looking over, one of the girls is kneeling in her chair to lean over the table and discuss the questions with her group, and she has a staggering amount of black thong showing. I don't mean just the top horizontal piece, I mean another good 3 or 4 inches of vertical material is showing before it disappears down into the promised land. And the angle she's got herself bent over to - she's got her ass arched into the air at shoulder height in a crowded bar, with low-low-low-low-rise coochie-height jeans on, and a fucking thong. She sat that way for at LEAST 15 or 20 minutes straight. It became difficult to focus.

[img][650:488]http://img127.imageshack.us/img127/6581/triviathongvx1.jpg[/img]

neuro: "Jesus! I can't believe how low her fucking pants are! I just..."
me: "Yeah she went to a lot of trouble there to make sure we can all see her thong. God bless her."
mark: "It's not just the clothes, it's the posture... I mean, does she not KNOW the entire bar is looking at it?"
me: "Of course she does. [whisper]...it's glorious..."


Eventually the team next to us, who are already annoying, finally sent a representative over to tell her her shit's showing. She got embarassed, sat down normally, and we cursed.

"What the FUCK. That was a system in balance. She wanted everyone to check out her ass, and people were checking out her ass. There was no problem. Everyone was happy."

This went from social commentary to monger in one fell swoop.

and that was the best photo you could muster?
for shame

...I could probably do better, but I wasn't trying to humiliate her (or get arrested, or be creepy, or turn into Shiv, etc).

"Would Jon do this?" If the answer is yes, then it's probably a bad idea.

good point

we were plotting our revenge on the other team. . . we settled with a monster comeback to beat them to 1st place after being all the way down in 5th place by having the closer guess on the final tiebreak question: the number of square miles in brazil.

oh that's RIGHT. Holy shit I forgot about that.

"It's gotta be, what, 2000 miles across?"
"Yeah, about a third of the width of the US."
"And it's about the same height... so 4,000,000?"

TIME IS UP, TEAMS GIVE ME YOUR ANSWERS

They guessed 500,000, and it was like 3,700,000 or so, I think. 3 million something.

I was recently on the A train (the bus of MTA trains), reading a book and ignoring the usual background noise, when a repeated phrase broke my reverie:

AYE AYE. AYE AYE. AYE AYE.

I look up to see a large man with an obvious mental deficiency wearing a tracksuit and an airbrushed, tiger-striped, button-up shirt with a HUGE TIGER FACE on it. He was standing right next to me, staring into the void, and saying over and over again, "AYE AYE." As we neared the next station, his mariner's acknowledgment became more insistent: "AYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYEAYE."

Then the train stopped, and so did he. The doors opened and closed, and the train started again.

SHIP'S AHOY. SHIP'S AHOY.
SHIP'S AHOYSHIP'S AHOYSHIP'S AHOYSHIP'S AHOY

All the way to the next stop, at which point his mantra became "SHIP'S AHOY, MATE" and I had to get off. Aye aye, you giant retard. Aye. Aye.

Haq hate retards

I sometimes get reeeeally close to getting off the bus before my time when it's full of teenage girls from the local school in the evening. One of them starts in with the volume escalation - "OH NO YOU DI' INT" and shit's overwith. You can't fucking think, it gets so loud. Once one starts yelling, laughing real loud, whatever, the rest have to increase the volume to be heard, and by the next bus stop, they're literally screaming and shrieking at each other.

Call me a delicate, foppish white kid or something. But sweet jesus, it's unbelievably loud.

why if i do this it's creepy but you get a free pass?

Oh yeah. Groups of kids will get on a train and chase each other back and forth, shouting, just to piss everyone off.

But to clarify: i got off because it was my stop. I really wanted to hear what was next.

The universe is indeed a mysterious place.

Also, if it'd been you (and it should be - fucking come to trivia next week dammit) you would've had that phone hovering over her asscrack like any single, straight man.

you're probably right.

My friend in Atlanta showed me this yesterday. Live from MARTA...I present to you Soulja Girl (whose mom is now saying that she is bipolar). She later got arrested because of the youtube vid.

..

I mean, it just keeps going, getting better and better.

I don't know what I'd do presented with the situation of being able to forever capture an image of a real-live hot-ass. Would I choose the "side-view/situational pic" ala Squirg, or would I go "full-on perv" ala Shiv?

Who am I kidding? Shiv all the way. No shame.

actually, that angle might be better since the perspective from behind might not work in a photograph.

You gotta listen to your heart.

But we didn't see the actual whale tail itself

You could've had half an hour to gaze at it, in person.

This reminds me of another guy I know that simply cannot see a pair of cans without FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. Like he's never laid eyes on them before.

what bar is this at?
it never ceases to amaze me how easily turned on guys are!