fucking a midget is seems like a novel experience. i recall a girl in winona, mn, telling a story about how she fucked a midget wrestler to simply say she did.
take your quirks and use them to your advantage, i guess.

I'm going to see if I can get my departments cast as a reality show, possibly on Discovery Health Channel.

Employee A looks pregnant (isn't), has some periodic medical conditions (geniune concern from me), daughter had a giant tumor removed from her neck (Dear Ripley's...), once had a baby left on her steps, and just this week I learned that her house is haunted.

She's enough material all on her own, but I also have RIGHT NOW: employee with broken tailbone, employee with a serious back problem, a convicted felon, an employee with 6 teeth who better be allergic to soap because there is no excuse for Pig Penning it at work, an employee with no pancreas, an employee who is Jewish and another who eats her own boogers at her desk.

All of these people are under my direction. It's amazing we even get this boat in the water some days.

Geez. I have none of this. As a matter of fact, I'm relatively normal. And I can't find a job to save my life. Go me.

Hmmm... well, I'm only 5 feet tall. Most midgets aren't that much shorter than I am. But this makes me wonder if this is why I don't tend to have much trouble finding a makeout buddy/etc. when I want to; because I'm the closest thing to a midget around. I sure hope not! Even though I don't think it's all that impressive to tell another dude you fucked a girl who is almost a midget.

5 feet isn't all that short...there's a lady i work with that's probably 4'4"

You're safe.

No it's probably because you're cute, if I recall correctly. Fairly simple.

there's one co-worker
that always wants to snag small shit
like pint glasses from restaurants

he always wants to cheap the system
suggesting two people going in on one all-you-can-eat fish and chips

most of it is super unimpressive and harmless
but it comes across scuzzy because we are at work

he's either super cheap or klepto
either way i only noted it ... not really a big deal to me

today
he shows up to work
"check it out ... i got a new ipod touch"

it does not look new to me
unless he dropped it 10-15 times over the weekend

i ask him how much space it has on it... and he doesn't know
i look and there was quite a bit of music on it
none of which match up with on his shared itunes folder here at work
and i just heard him asking a couple people if they had any headphones he could burrow

pretty sure it should have came with headphones

strange behavior

I dated a girl who was 4'11. One of my friends was really kind of excited about that......yeah.

I like this answer the best. You win.

I got an interesting email from some lady in Dallas, TX this morning.

Apparently I met her in Vegas?

First she sent me some weird technical question about Quark, then this was the follow up.

I told someone on friday if they wanted to condescend to me, or question my professionalism again, I would be getting on a plane, and it wouldn't be to have a chat.

one of my coworkers just came back from vacation in some exotic locale. i think another coworker just asked, "did you go topless at the beaches?" totally inappropriate, right?

you should mention your paypal account.

I read some of Bosswilleatyou's greatest hits to the wife last week.

Bosswilleatyou doesn't have a lot going on today so he's REALLY on a roll:

"GROSS! In Nevada they're going to start having male prostitutes. That's totally disgusting and wrong. It goes against everything I believe."

"Could being surrounded by a lot of gay people make a straight person gay?"

"Would you guys still like me if I was gay? Because, I don't think I'd like myself...I like me the way that I am now... which is not gay."

To redhead_male_coworker: "I've got a thing for redheads, so if I go gay, you're just my type."

These things were all said by today, in this order. You can EASILY tell what he's considering internally.

In addition, he keeps showing off and promoting his new pop-can nipple. It is this plastic/rubbery device with a cap. You put on top of your pop can, to make it a bottle.
This is his THIRD day of drinking pop with this thing.
"Normally I only have four or five pops in a week. I've had four a day lately because drinking pop is so much fun now."

you have GOT to rig up a bosswilleatyou live webcam WITH AUDIO!!!

we just went to dairy queen
and now he's listening to straight to your brain (the defunct band of diesel and catswilleatyou) again

he only likes one song
because it mentions peeing on a liquor store
and that's hysterical to him

how old is bosswilleatyou again?

I picture him as Clark W Griswold's brother in National Lampoon's Family Vacation, ("I bet you could use a cold one, eh Clark?"). I know that's not right, but it's what stuck in my head.

i think he's about 40-42 years old

oh god yes.

YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT THAT IS HIM!!