in the context of a situation at my work where we were short staffed because a girl's mother died and I had to fill in for her. I had asked for some help. It got approved and then all of a sudden this other dude got sick and my boss decided to change everything back to normal. This means I had to work extra time and the plan I worked out for giving me some extra help over this next month was scrapped.

On the phone, during the argument with my boss, she says, "you know joe, I am real sorry that erin's mother died and it creates such an inconvenience for you"

As though the situation for me having to work a bunch extra has anything to do with the fact that I asked for help. I thought it was absolutely ridiculous and offensive.

My boss isn't even that bad to work for. I am sure some of you all have some bad ones. Give me some favorite quotes from the assholes we all are submissive to (spouses excluded)

From 1990, when I worked at a group home for mentally retarded adults. Something along the lines of:

"Regardless of the fact that you didn't actually DO anything... to my knowledge... I'm going to have to reprimand you anyway because we can't have allegations floating around that the union could find out about and have it reflect upon my job...even though I'm pretty sure the person who made these allegations is a patholigical liar based on my past decade of experience with her previous accusations against a number of other employees. Surely you can see my predicament? She could accuse me of something and then where would we be?"

I've actually had great bosses. No complaints here.

So, this girl whose mother died is out for the entire month? As is the guy who's sick?

no but the guy who got sick...see his shift has to be covered by someone. That someone was my friend Tim, who you've met, but he was to be helping me out this week. It's kind of complicated to explain. It made sense for it to have been someone else that lived in the home for the sick guy on Thursday, but my boss I think has something against me and was unwilling to listen to any of the three ideas I had besides the one she was emphatically imposing on us all...

EDIT: And yes, the girl whose mom died is out that long. She had power of attorney for her mother so she has to stay in arizona and deal with all of her mother's belongings and will and such...it's kinda sucky. I guess it wasn't that big of a surprise that her mom died though.

The other day, my supervisor had the nerve to tell me "Try to get here on time, mkay?"

I was 2 hours late for work today and my one of my supervisors said I should probably find another office to work in.

my manager told me she wanted my genes for her baby...

i was 16 at the time too and i was all

I once had a boss who confided to me that I made more $$$ than he did.

Joe, I'm sorry, hon. Sucks for both you and Tim. Can ya send an email to this lady? Maybe once she's "calmed down" a bit, she may take your ideas into consideration.

And it's too bad for that girl who lost her mom. That's horrible.

So since the beginning of the year I've been working for a laboratory that does all sorts of chemical and biological testing, booking studies. They wanted someone organized more than they wanted someone who had any kind of chemistry background. So I've got a huge learning curve, and they've told everyone that I'll be asking a lot of questions.

One day about a month in, I stick my head in lab director Bitter McGrinchTeeth's (not his real name) office and say "Have you got a minute for a question?" and am turned away with a dismissive "I haven't got time for that now." I say "I'll go ask ____ (head chemist)." It happened to be a question which several people could have answered, but I went to Bitter first as I'm supposed to be establishing a work relationship with him.

So I go ask the head chemist, upon which Bitter beckons me back into his lair and says that, if I ever have a question for him, I am not to ask anyone else that same question, and that furthermore, because I did ask someone else, he is now not going to answer my question.

I later found out that he wrote me up for this little incident, and that my boss basically dismissed the charges.

I have now resumed my job search. But this time I won't quit before I've got another one lined up.

not from my boss, but a woman that used to work in the warehouse/shipping dept...

"i'll bet you really like to eat pussy, don't you?"

prior to that comment, i'd only briefly spoken with her a few times.

She sounds charming as all get out.

The correct response is, "Well, I have a tongue like a cat and can breathe out my ears..."

she's a cuban woman in her late 30's. not unattractive.

waaaaaay too forward for me though.

I work for twin sisters.

One is a single mom who's pretty mellow. The other, ummm, not so. She has a good heart it's just that she's well, rather neurotic.

I have to hear about her fighting with her husband all the time. And seeing as he works there too I then hear his side of the story and then I feel torn. It sucks. Plus she just got pregnant and she barely wants her husband around now and one of the girls I work with told me that he told her that he feels like all he was was the sperm donor because she acts like she could care less about him. Add to that the fact that she stays at her parents all the time(she's in her late 30's) and well...not good. It also is starting to make the rest of the employees nervous because of the weirdness between the two of them.

It's rather like working with Jekyll and Hyde. She makes me nervous because of that.

In my last job I had to take the mail through to the head of department because he had to see it all before it went out to whoever it was addressed too.

So I went into his office and I said "Mail" and he looked up from his desk and he said "The mail!" and then he just started laughing. And I don't just mean normal laughing. It was medieval king at an unruly banquet type laughter. You know the sort of thing. After about 20 really quite disturbing seconds of this he stopped and just looked at his desk and said in a really resigned voice "it never stops does it".

There were a few poignant moments of silence and alot of blank staring on his part and then he just erupted again in uproarious laughter at which point I deposited the mail on his desk and slowly backed out the office, making sure to close the door and take my lunch break immediately.

"You should have seen me last night. I was dancing on tables, and had so much vodka that I don't remember how I managed to drive home!" - my old boss Tammy, who I always assumed was at least 45 but turned out to be 27

It's just wrong on so many levels. Luckily, I found a much better job shortly after that.

Edited to add this little gem (may have been shared before):

At a temp job I had fresh out of college, I had a super awesome boss named Greg. Greg happened to have a spazzy manager named Jeff, who got worked up about everything and set crazy deadlines for projects that weren't urgent. One day, while Greg was "dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool," Jeff wanted him to review some papers ASAP. I told Jeff where Greg was, assuming that he would just nod his head and return a few minutes later. Jeff went into the bathroom, called out Greg's name, PEEKED INTO THE STALL WHERE GREG'S VOICE SEEMED TO BE COMING FROM, AND SLID THE DOCUMENTS UNDER THE STALL DOOR. He then spoke with Greg (maintaining eye contact through the crack in the door) for the next minute or two.

Basically the reason I am searching frantically for a new job, and will take pretty much anything, anywhere, for comparable money: My boss told me that I wasn't dedicated to my job enough, that I don't take things seriously and that I need to change these things if I ever want to make it to the next level. He also told me that if my last candidate told him that he did not want to work with me again, and that if I was the exemplar/representative of the company that he wasn't sure if he wanted to work with them, again, either.

Now, I know that the stuff about the candidate is a lie. To my face. I called the candidate, who happens to be the most honest person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and while I did not ask him directly if he said those things, I did ask him if he was still willing to serve as a reference for me, and asked him to call the organization with which I am trying to get a job in Washington and talk to them about the merits of employing me. He did so on friday.

It's fucked up, and if I had any savings I would have already quit, but needless to say i got no use for these fuckers anymore, and will not be employed by them for any longer thanI have to be.

Once had a horrible manager at a big box store who;

- told an older guy that I was trying to steal his job (and I really, really liked the guy, too, so it hurt when he suddenly stopped talking to me)
- told a cute african americian checkout girl that I was a racist (bad mgr was also black), and she also stopped talking to me
- told the entire department that when I called in to take my cat to the vet that I'd sounded "drunk" on the phone, when I was in fact quite sober and normal... so they'd all think I was faking it
- told me if I dropped school I was *guaranteed* a full time spot with benefits, it's all been arranged w/ mgmt, etc., so I did because I didn't like school anyway.

All untrue, ofcourse. He was eventually canned, but I quit anyway. No place that lets that slide for 8 months is worth working for. And I didn't find out about 90% of that until after he was gone, and we all got together to compare notes. Eeeeeevil.

Man, the majority of these are just mean. Mine are all funny, including:


"'Ey buddy, don't hang out with Brian. He smokes pot." (when I said I couldn't work late because I was hanging out with a guy from work)

"Little boys, too. It's the twenty-first century." (when a guy on cash asked him if he was buying his candy to lure little girls into his car)

and

"Okay, buddy. I don't want to mess up your once chance to get some." (when my friend Brian told him he couldn't stay late on New Year's Eve because he had plans)

I'm usually the one who says inappropriate things at work. I made fun of a guy's stutter the other day. Not to his face, of course. I'm going to hell.

We had a morbidly obese chick at my last job. Over a quarter ton, easy.

np: Son Volt :: "Windfall"

We make up names for people at my work.
A few I can think of:
Rosie, for this lady who's real name is Nancy because she looks like Gwyneth Paltrow in Shallow Hal.
Corky, ala Life Goes On. And it's a woman. She doesn't have down's syndrome but she kinda looks like him.
Mucko, a dude who's prone to yelling and shouting at people. Named forthis dude, though he looks nothing like him.
Cousin It, a woman who has hair like...Cousin It.
There's some italian guy with a heavy accent who alternately gets called Magoo, because he has thick glasses, or Retardo because it rhymes with his last name and he's been making a lot of mistakes.

There's some weird people at my work. There's a guy who wears a vest and pants all year long (he switches to a jacket in the winter) even if it's 90 degrees out. He also wears these big ass boots so he clomps around like Frankenstein's monster. His voice is kinda fucked up too so he sounds like Chewbacca. And he has bad b.o.

As for me, I'm perfect.

I felt "it" move.

fp

My former 'player' of a boss, once shared some thoughts about one of our extremely blessed physical attributed interns...

I agreed, but probably wouldnt have chosen to share it with him.