Aaron Barrett is why I grew out my sideburns. I wanted to expose the mutton-chop as stupid, & figured my stupid-ass sporting them would do the trick. Turned into a signature, though.

Place looks great. Where ya gonna hang the baby?

Funny you should ask - upstairs in the bedroom. Wife is eyeing these hanging crib dealies.




It's a small place.

Very nice looking place, Cap'n.

We're really comfortable there. We'll stay 2 or 3 years, until dat baby needs a proper room I guess. Then it's on to Location #17 or whatever number we're on.

great use of the bookcase that was there. way to go megan!

wait to the baby actually comes and you realize how much extra shit that is. game changer. you'll be looking to move sooner than later I promise.

Why doesn't the US have Easter Monday?

Oh I'm sure that somewhere, deep down inside...he knows this.

We have most of the stuff we're gonna ever have for it, it's just stashed. And yeah, we're moving either way, it's just a question of when. Ideally it'd be to a bigger unit in that building. It is so perfect, in so many ways.

Vodka and Soda w/ two limes is my new favorite drink.

I just want to remind you that you currently have 0 kids. You don't know shit from shinola.

Yes. I know.


Meanwhile the sum total of your advice adds up to "enjoy your sleep now" and "you don't know shit." And it ain't because I haven't asked.

Kyle, we had everything for the babies months in advance and thought we were fine. We're looking to move almost immediately, and the only thing that is stopping us is that I'm jobless.

I realize that I have 3 and you have 1, but my place is 3 beds 3 baths. Trust me, it will be sooner than later. Not to mention your whole world view is about to do a 180, and you'll see everything through different eyes.

Time will tell I guess. I don't claim to have everything figured out, of course, because I'm not retarded. I'm certain things will be completely different. How we handle it, though, may not be how everyone else handles it.


Meanwhile I welcome actual advice (as opposed to "oh man, you have no idea what you're in for" etc), when I can find it.

even now my kid would rather play with a plastic spoon, plastic balls, or tupperware than his toys. dont overbuy toys.

So far we're up to like 2 or 3, and have successfully defeated family attempts to overload us with them. I'm sure there'll be a few around, but yeah, people go fucking nuts with that shit.

The only GOOD advice I have gotten is until the kid is like 3 or 4, tell the grandparents to take the money for the toys or clothes or whatever and put it in a college and/or trust fund.

Of course NO ONE will follow that advice, because as Americans we want people to be happy NOW, not when they are 18 and need the money and not the fucking Pooh Bear costume or whatever the fuck.

Ky is loaded with organic onesies, though and needs no further advice.

Yea, this is great advice. You'll probably end up with piles of toys anyway, since relatives just love to give them.

my mom is terrible about this...we throw most of it away

Well, it's too late for those planned parenthood brochures.

Honestly, I don't think there is much advice you can give until it happens and you're struggling with the specific issues that babies cause. No preparation will do much for any of that kind of stuff. And honestly, raising a baby is one big trial and error. Some advice I've gotten has worked but most of it has been complete failures. So when shit goes down and you're looking for answers, pm me and I'll let you know the shit we tried and what worked and didn't. Not to mention, all babies are completely different. Yours could be a easy or a nightmare. It's kind of random.

And my biggest piece of advice is that humans raised these things in caves and in the wilderness at one point. They're much tougher and less fragile then they seem. The effect of this thinking we'll keep you from parenting from a place of fear where you're paralyzed to act because you don't want to hurt it. We still struggle with this.

While practical, you will quickly learn that gift buying is about the person buying and not the person receiving. Pooh bears are fun to buy and college trust are not as practical and smart as that is.

In other words, don't open all that crap, return it to Target, and start your own college fund.

i hope they saved at least one with TEH BOOGER MART logo!

Yeah... & how'd that end up?

(Yes. I went there. Feel free to bring out the Banhammer, GARchipelago slurper FT.)

(& of course I shouldn't be surprised -- after Obner favourite fickerson left, how could one expect the store to go on?)