AKA The Rape of Nanking. or Dresden.

Openly still so drunk I can't see straight. But here is a small rundown of some random events:

Friday, I:
Got on stage at a strip club
drank bourbon for 14 hours
got a white homeless dude to show my where my hotelwas by saying "Ey, homeless nigga, show me where my hotel's at and I'll give you $5"
passed out wearing my fine seersucker pants and a sweater vest.

Saturday:
Woke up, drank two $11, 32oz. Morning Madras Monsters, drank beers and layed by the pool in the courtydard and listened to Panic and Radcliffe's slowcore monger mix (Jesus in New Orleans, natch;))
Passed out, woke up, showered put on a suit and went to Emeril's. Drank 2 $150 bottles of wine and ate skate and tuna tartare.
Went to a casino, called the bartender a "crooked eye havin' rotary phone dialing piece of shit"
Went to the VIP of Crazy Horse and tried to lick a stripper's "Balloon Knot" and mae out with her for like 20 minutes and didn't even have to pay. They played Brown Suger and I gave her my sunglasses.
tokk $42 worth of shooters, one out of the girl's crack.
Told two prostitues that they were "sorry ass hoes and I ain't givin y'all nasty bitches any money"
Told a gang of Minnesotans all about "They Daddy" and assured them that I 'operate with complete immunity in this town"
Called at least 3 girls to tell them that I was in love with them.
Passed out in my suit, sans fine Beatle boots.

AllI have to say is The Nigga Had Yellow Cake, Son.

tania's move on your position in the rankings has just been thwarted.

Yeah, I've been on this date. Good times.

My version included, but is not limited to a stripper who paused mid-routine to smack me, taking a drunken cab ride all over the city, a friend with lipstick on his cheek thanks to a tranny, snookering extracurricular activities from a stripper and sleeping in my car with the windows up, waking up drenched in sweat thinking I was dead.

They Daddy only works if you're over 6' 5''.

Minnesotan gangs? What did they get all Lutheran on yo ass? Did you dis Da Eucharist or something?

No holding cell stories? Sooooo disappointing.

Yeah, wish i coulda made it down, but I'm glad I don't feel like you right now. I'll take my miniscule (nothing a couple Shiner Bock's, some soup and a little Nascar couldnt take care of) hangover over your upcoming 48 hours of hell*.

Enjoy the shakes and cold sweats, nasty nigga.











*the hangover equivalent of playing a Nolan Richardson "40 minutes of hell" team in the early 90's

It's HARD to go to jail in NO...

A Gang means a bunch or a lot. But I did tell em about they sorry ass daddies, though.

Oh yeah, and since Kansas lost, I had a fine excuse for some of this behavior, but I think the folks I went with don't really like me anymore and were shocked that I am still alive.

But me and Jigga had to do it big.

Yeah, I was being facetious. Which I'm better at when I'm drunk. Which I'm not now.

Oh, so it was a "Yail At Auburn Scene", eh? NOICE!

<====will not be invited to tailgate with a certain group of people anymore.

Yeah. People openly shocked, apalled, DISGUSTED and just plain perplexed by my behavior. I am sure there are like 4 annoying sounding Minnesotans asking each other what "Yo Daddy" means, and wondering why the fuck I kept saying that he had "Yellow Cake, and I got it right here in this special CIA napkin"

Also, they thought I was crazy for a) talking to black prosties and b) telling them to fuck right off.

Also, square white people get uncomfortable when you tell them about stripper's um, yeah, balloon knots

You should have invented "nigga" names for them.

Or just universally referred to them as "Sorry Nigga"

I did refer to one dude as "Muthafuckin Land O Lakes Nigga" at one point.

Judge estimated that the percent of what they understood us say was uner 9%

why were you not at my house on friday?[/i]

I know, I know Colin. It was a bachelor party for a friend I used to work for. Sometimes you have to make choices. I chose wrong, but those folks paid the price

sounds like. 2006 will be awesome, and 2007 I'll have homemade wine for us to damage ourselves on. i have 60 beers in my fridge that i'm still working on.

Wpw. It's only like 6hrs from Mobile to Austin. I night come out one of these days just for the fuck of it.

One of these days, we're gonna find Dave's body draped across the Obner board.

Balloon knot?

I like that one.

... As it is, did any of your exdysiast friends point to their starkers cleavage and whisper, but rather demandingly, "Put it here"? 'It' meaning your hard cock, of course. Yah yah.

Poyce!

Sometimes, I think I drink too much. Then I read threads like this and feel OK again. Thanks Dave!

A 20-year old version of me would love to hang with Dave.

But the 38 1/2 year old model knows my body would give out on me.

Plus my wife would probably chase him down the highway swinging a ceremonial sword at him or something (you know the one from the Highlander site).

Pretty much what happened when Dave, Derris and I went to Pagoda's house. I don't think his wife'll be having us over for coffee cake any time soon.

The funny thing is that its Pagoda's fault.

yeah. openly in pain now. had a beer, which helped, but death would be welcome at this point

The Good See-nate-er needs to adopt a Southernized version of this as his theme song:

Boat Train

By Shane MacGowan (1989)

I met with Napper Tandy
And I shook him by the hand
He said "Hold me up for Chrissake
For I can hardly stand"
The most disgraceful journey
On which I've ever been
The last time that I travelled on
The Boat Train

I had a couple of drinks in town
A few more at the port
I puked up on the gangway
But some kind folks helped me board
They helped me to a table
Poured whiskey down my throat
They sat me at a table
And I lost my watch and coat

First we drank some whiskey
Then we drank some gin
Then we drank tequila
I think that's what did me in
Then we drank some brandy
And the women had a dance
The steward then announced
That we could play the game of "chance"

We crowded round the table
With our money in our hands
I ended up on the other side
Without a penny in my pants
I woke up in the toilet
When we got to Holyhead
The doors were all a-banging
And I wished that I was dead

We got on board the train
And then we had a drink or two
Started playing poker
But the booze ran out at Crewe
Some people started sleeping
Others looked for duty free
Some bastard started singing
"The little cottage by the Lee"
He then sang "Paper Roses"
"Boolavogue" "Eileen Aru"
Somebody started slagging off
The Pakis and the Jews

First I found some whiskey
Then I found some gin
I sat down in the corner
And I read the Daily News
First I drank the whiskey
Then I drank the gin
I tried to make the toilet
And I broke my fuckin shin
Next thing that I knew
I was in London in the rain
Staggering up the platform
Off the Boat Train