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 Post subject: Started birthing classes last night
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:30 pm 
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frostingspoon
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...in which I learned:

1. When I take a particularly large shatner, it may rotate itself up to 180 degrees on its way out, finding the path of least resistance through my pelvis.

2. While the caffeine in my coffee every morning might make my labor process happen faster, it can also make the process more difficult and violent.

3. What I eat during gestation definately affects the quality of what is going to come out of me.

4. Bringing dinner to eat during the 3 hour evening class is not such a good idea (up-close movies of brazillian women squatting to crank out babies), but bringing beer just might be.



that is all.

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[quote="Bloor"]He's either done too much and should stay out of the economy, done too little because unemployment isn't 0%, is a dumb ingrate who wasn't ready for the job or a brilliant mastermind who has taken over all aspects of our lives and is transforming us into a Stalinist style penal economy where Christian Whites are fed into meat grinders. Very confusing[/quote]


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:51 pm 
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is shatner a euphemism or a typo?

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:53 pm 
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neuroboy Wrote:
is shatner a euphemism or a typo?


you weren't there?


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:57 pm 
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billy g Wrote:
neuroboy Wrote:
is shatner a euphemism or a typo?


you weren't there?


Sorry, billg, but I don't think the First Mate is into polyandry. You'll have to look elsewhere, then.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:02 pm 
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billy g Wrote:
neuroboy Wrote:
is shatner a euphemism or a typo?


you weren't there?



Ok this made me laugh

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[quote="Bloor"]He's either done too much and should stay out of the economy, done too little because unemployment isn't 0%, is a dumb ingrate who wasn't ready for the job or a brilliant mastermind who has taken over all aspects of our lives and is transforming us into a Stalinist style penal economy where Christian Whites are fed into meat grinders. Very confusing[/quote]


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:50 pm 
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TMI


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 5:56 pm 
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frostingspoon

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so you're having a butt baby?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 6:00 pm 
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frostingspoon
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Sympathetic pregnancy.

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[quote="Bloor"]He's either done too much and should stay out of the economy, done too little because unemployment isn't 0%, is a dumb ingrate who wasn't ready for the job or a brilliant mastermind who has taken over all aspects of our lives and is transforming us into a Stalinist style penal economy where Christian Whites are fed into meat grinders. Very confusing[/quote]


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 6:02 pm 
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frostingspoon

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get out now

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 6:26 pm 
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We took these classes as well, and I gotta tell you. At 4am in the morning if the Nurse say's, "I can massage her back" I definitely passed off.

The information was useful throughout the class, if only just to know what they were talking about when mentioning effacement, and baby station, but all the rest of it seemed a bit of a waste of time. In our class, we had to sponge bathe a baby doll, without water? WTF?

As a dad, your responsibility is to make sure that she is comfortable for basically 9 months plus, then not be a jerk afterward. Easy! While in delivery, get ice chips, help her breathe, look at the baby monitor during contractions...

$75 bucks please...

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huh?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 6:39 pm 
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jesus christ, somebody ebay me one of them men in black mind eraser machines.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 7:54 pm 
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frostingspoon
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$75? I fucking wish. Ours is $300.

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[quote="Bloor"]He's either done too much and should stay out of the economy, done too little because unemployment isn't 0%, is a dumb ingrate who wasn't ready for the job or a brilliant mastermind who has taken over all aspects of our lives and is transforming us into a Stalinist style penal economy where Christian Whites are fed into meat grinders. Very confusing[/quote]


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:02 pm 
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Ours was $85 for a single class. Just cheap enough to not be too long, just expensive enough to keep the minorities and lower class at home. :wink:

Having just experienced the real deal I'll say the class was somewhat helpful but moreso with lingo and stuff like J-Poppa said. When the rubber hits the road, its fucking Crazy City.

I did really well. I honestly wasn't sure I would.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:08 pm 
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Yail Bloor Wrote:
I did really well. I honestly wasn't sure I would.


Congratulations. On the baby and your ability to stay cool.

I have one due in November with the wifey and I'm nervous about how well I'll do. I'm not a huge douche or anything. I just want to make sure I make my wife more comforted rather than more nervous.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:13 pm 
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im not sure how much help the class gave me other than making me feel a little more confident. however, my wife was in labor for 15 hours and then had a c-section so not sure i remembered much i was told. thankfully the nurse is there to guide you.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:20 pm 
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Yeah the nurse's at our hospital are GREAT.

Hey Grape, I think you will be surprised at yourself. I was honestly afraid I might turn in to the Fainting Goat but I was right there barking out the counting and doing everything I could and my chick really appreciated it. Its your fucking kid, adrenaline takes over and you do fine.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:21 pm 
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we did the birth classes too, but we also hired a doula. best $ spent, and highly recommended.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:21 pm 
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oh and CONGRATS bloor...awesome news!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:21 pm 
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frostingspoon

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Yail Bloor Wrote:
Its your fucking kid, a dozen valium take over and you do fine.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 8:25 pm 
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e-stone Wrote:
we did the birth classes too, but we also hired a doula. best $ spent, and highly recommended.


Yeah after we met a doula (she did a brief presentation at the birthing class and we ended up talking to her for a while), I sorta wanted one too. But now that its over I'm glad I spent the money on something else.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 9:24 pm 
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Cap'n Squirrgle Wrote:
billy g Wrote:
neuroboy Wrote:
is shatner a euphemism or a typo?


you weren't there?



Ok this made me laugh


I agree.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 9:26 pm 
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XIX Wrote:
TMI


Uh huh.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 10:15 pm 
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i cant remember how much $ our classes were. that was left to my lady. the breastfeeding class was interesting


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 10:17 pm 
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robotboy Wrote:
i cant remember how much $ our classes were. that was left to my lady. the breastfeeding class was interesting


I'm picturing a barista steaming milk...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 10:21 pm 
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oh no. it was close up videos of swollen teats being squeezed by a doctor's hand right into the camera. kinda weird but the 15 year old in me had a raging pregtit boner

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