Nice work people.

LOMIT!

I should have shit my pants when Nebraska scored 27 unanswered points in the 4th quarter to win a road game against a ranked opponent last night.

We took the dogs and baby for a walk to the grocery store last night, and as I stood outside with the dogs, this



popped into my head, and I threw my head back and fucking belly laughed.


Then watching tv an hour later the railroad tracks bit came to mind out of nowhere and I started laughing all over again, at which point I had to explain to the wife why I was laughing. It ended with us both in tears, trying not to wake the baby up.

This is not the thread to read when your baby daughter is in your lap sleeping.

Wow...

megan had annika snoozing on her shoulder last night as I'm like "WHAM! RAILROAD TRACKS!" and it was a struggle

as stated earlier, a shart only happens once or twice a year to me.

and unlike you, ken, or your wife, barbie, my girlfriend has a butthole.
she's been sick before too, she can understand.

funny though, when i first brought it up.. she was like "GROSS...I NEVER"
and a month later we both had food poisoning... WHAM

Actually I gotta give Dale credit where due here. Twice a year is some nonsense. Get it together back there.

i'll bump this next time shit happens.

they'd have never sold that bumper sticker if ya'll weren't liars.

Shit can happen in a toilet too, you know.

I probably do it there about twice as much as the average joe too... I got awesome metabolism... and I love spicy food

you wear overalls.

bosswilleatyou is getting pretty curious about my laughter... i asked him if he's ever sharted... he said.. "that's just plain awkward.. i'm not going to answer that"

color me surprised - I would've figured he'd knock that one out of the park.

My roommate has this exact story from a band he played in in the late 90s, except it was a guitar player.




Also awesome.

Bosswilleatyou is still tripping over his cameo in Jennifer's Body. I mean, it has to be he that picks up hitch-hiking Amanda Seyfroid (sp?) toward the end, intoning, "Hop into my chariot".

How did this thread get so far without this:


???

FT soft-pedalled a reference to it yesterday, but true, the Chik*Fil*A engulfed in flames -- the discovery of which is to Squirrrggg's credit -- has not appeared.



Bob, you forgot to add:

/slinks out of room

OH, &:

/shits pants

Aquabutts

A few weeks ago I got a picture message on my phone from a buddy (I WISH I had saved it so I could post it here). The image was of a pair of hands holding a white piece of cloth which had a huge hole cut in the center of it. Not knowing what the hell to make of it, I deleted the image and went about my business. Only later did I get the story behind the picture.

Turns out my buddy had been in a business meeting in an unfamiliar building and he was feeling bad. He tried to soldier through the meeting until a bathroom break became available, but it soon became apparent that would not happen. He knew he was already pressing cloth and as such excused himself and made a discreet exit. No sooner did he get through the door than the dam broke. Not knowing the location of the nearest restroom and knowing that with the seepage clock ticking his slacks would soon betray him, he noticed an unoccupied office, ducked in and closed the door. I can only imagine how furiously his brain must have been working at this point. Turns out he went all catswilleatyou as he grabbed scissors off the desk, dropped trou, excised the offending portion of tighty whities, tossed them in the trash and returned to the meeting with no one but his newly trap-door'd ass any the wiser as to what had happened....except of course the poor bastard whose garbage can now contained the missing (and no doubt ridiculously offensive) piece of the underwear puzzle.

Several things impressed me about my buddy when I heard the story - his quick thinking, ability to act under pressure (the story had a certain Mission:Impossible quality to it - faced with an impossible situation, get in, get the job done and get out without being discovered), but mostly the thing that impressed me was that no doubt understanding the immensity of the story, my buddy took the time to stand completely bare-assed in a totally foreign office room where someone could come walking in at any second and take a picture of his undies that he had just finished cutting an enormous skid-mark out of. Unreal.

As for myself, the answer is 1994 shortly after arriving on a trip to Brazil. I drank or ate something and didn't even know what hit me - despite focusing every ounce of energy I had on keeping that one little muscle tight, it wasn't meant to be. Much like Fu, just as I was getting the key into the door to safety, it was game over. Thanks for playing, cue the shower. Determined not to let that happen again, I went from feast to famine as I took what could be described as a dangerous dose of a Brazilian anti-diarrheal and didn't drop another deuce for EIGHT long days.

Jesus, did you really just fit Nebraska into a shitting your pants thread?