Oh man I just remembered the time I was walking home drunk as shit, and had to gee-oh. Rather than shitting in my pants (this time!), I ducked behind a stack of cattle gates or what-not at this little Farmer's Co-op place. Unloaded, and it was bad. Then I realized, I ain't got nothin to wipe with, and this one was more of a spray than something that would be mistaken for dog logs.

So I'm still squatting, and I just let out, "goddammit." My friend is around the corner and laughs, "haha, did you shit your pants?" I told him I had nothing to wipe with. From over the corner of the co-op yard, over the stack of fences, something sails. Years behind the plate paid off as I reached out with my left hand and nabbed...his undershirt (I may have actually framed this pitch).

If I ever get rich, I'm using t-shirts rather than turlet paper. Cotton is pretty luxurious compared to two-ply anything.

he's a sick man

Apparently girls don't shit. No girl pants-shitting stories here.

My ex-boyfriend likes to start conversations with people he has just met with the question, "So, when's the last time you shit your pants?". He then launches into a story about a fart gone wrong in Kroger- he was with a few carless friends he'd driven there, and abruptly had to tell them it was time to go.

Jesus. Fu started this thread after saying in chat how this would work great as an opener. I'm dumbfounded. But all the MIA folks posting here I guess is proof enough.

Slight difference between shitting pants (him) and shitting the bed (Huskers, for most of the last decade), so that prolly explains it.

Haha! Though the thread didn't drag me back- I just happened to sign in after a long absence, and it was the first thread on the list. And I am actually a sick individual who laughs at such grossness, so I had to open it.

Granted, my long absence was due to all my time being taken up by said ex-boyfriend, who so suddenly and without warning, decided to 'liberate' me a week and a half ago. So now I've got a lot of time to fill...

Oh. And yes. Girls shit their pants every now and then, too.

I'm sure Gar or somebody else would have brought up shitting the bed if their team would have lost a close one that night, especially if the previous week's LSU/UGA game had been played on Thursday Night instead of Saturday afternoon.

hey guys im back, did i miss any good threads?

remember peahats?

never stop being you, wenchy

i don't intend to, but thanks for the reminder. ... and... that special moment.

Hoo boy, I just had a Hard Sneeze Near Miss. I'm actually pretty sure my pucker did that spitty-slurpy thing you use to torment younger siblings.

a poet and a philosopher

beef = butt queef aka fart


i.e. beef, it's what's for dinner.

I think reading this with my daughter on my lap inspired her.

SKWORCH!

hurry up and teach her english so she can post in the thread

man she's fillin this bitch UP

quality parenting.

still going?

For someone who gets a lot of practice, you're surprisingly bad at clowning on people.

How long does she have to sit there before "seepage" occurs. Or did it?

Then he'd have someone else shitting his pants.

If you go running for the changing table after the first splat, you're begging to get nailed in there with a Twofer. At least around here. Gotta give her at least a minute to take care of bidness.