Modem can make one eye cross at will.

the toe nails on my right foot are gross.

<= drove thru all continental 48 states plus canada in one 30-day trip in 2002

My heart stopped beating for a minute when I was being born. (Or they "lost my heartbeat".)

Lived in England for 8+ years as a youth.

got choked by Sebastian Bach at a party in front of a bunch of hot models.

Maybe that's a common thing. But I like to think that I died when I was born. What a conundrum.

I'm going to Russia tommorow for two weeks...

I can touch my nose with my tongue.


...and I'm in love.

2nd thang...

i was born with transposition of the main arteries. i've always been wired weird.

this again? okay, ummm

was once threatened with a libel lawsuit from Tony Danza's lawyers

I have a speech impediment that makes me very hard to understand when i speak.

One more: saturday in Spokane i almost got into a fight with Ronny Turiaf outside a bar. They probably got back from the airport only a few hours earlier.

<----- currently wearing women's pants
<----- not a woman.


Needed pants once in a hurry, and went to the local Thrifty. Men's pants were all Gar, or too big (usually the problem). Wife hands me a pair and says "try these on," which I do, and they fit great. Nice grey, normal, fashionable pants. Turns out they're Anne Taylor size 4 petites. Who knew.

i can juggle. not just your standard 3-ball-jug either. i can go high and low and over/under and one handed and behind the back and under the leg and all sorts of stuff. now i'm working on juggling those plastic Fisher Price bowling pins.

bort

You've heard these before, but, here goes:
I met Stanley Kubrick when I was 7. (Interviewed for the role of "Danny" in The Shining.)

I am related to the widow of Abe Saperstein, founder of the Harlem Globetrotters, on my mother's side.

being a drunk-ass is not a speech impediment.

i'm a drunk ass, not a drunk-ass.

and besides i thought i'd spice it up a bit. The yorke-ian lazy eye is so old news.

i did just break an office record for the most trips to the emergency room/workplace injuries, but that shit's only fun if you count getting caught in the conveyor belt.

my sister in law is a transsexual.

plus, one of my wife's cousins was a transsexual and was on Sally Jesse Raphael where she "surprised" her boyfriend with the fact that she was a man.

my family and me are boring.

i've gotta a birthmark on my cheek that gave me the John Boy moniker growing up

yeah you're an award-winning battered and broken man. do you seriously think that you have a speech impediment?

i can keep my eyes open when i sneeze

Alright, alright, that's enough! We were just having a little fun, but then you had to go too far.

what? no, not really. I do have a slight one, but 2 years of speech class as a child all but erased it and left me only with painful memories of having to go to speech class. Eh, s'a fair trade I guess.

Edit: I'm pretty sure I have a typing impediment, though.

it's a good thing that those are the only memories that you've recovered. i would think that the fact that your woman doesn't cry when she cuts onions is far more interesting than anything about you, as it indicates that she is indeed a robot or a golem or something.

I participated in a remote-viewing experiment with notorious CIA psychic spy Ingo Swann.