Watch this space.

The first week of January 2010, a select few of our faithful Ob's will be challenged to eat and review a TV Dinner of their choice.

Post your picks for who goes first in this thread.



I vote Rads or Gay Boy goes first.

For the record: If someone dies because of this challenge, it's not my fault.

I'm going to Walmart this morning to get one, but I'll save it for after the holidays. I'd like it to build up some freezer crust.

i got my eye on the backyard bbq XXL. hopefully this isnt only regionally sold

but peapod does carry the salisbury steak and chicken ones, so if anything i got those as my fall backs

Nice.

We better have Dr. Patrick keep an eye in this thread. My heart hurts already.

post/av

I don't follow anyone's instructions but mine. Fuck it. I'm going in.

OK, despite the common agreement to start this in 2010, I'm going to take one in the chest for the Obner masses. Besides, most of you have longer to live than I do, so if I turn purple, fall down the back steps, and the last breath leaks out of me, I won't be cheated out of nearly as much life as the rest of you. And I'm farking hungry.

We're going to be dissecting the Swanson Hungry Man XXL Roasted Carved Turkey Dinner, containing manly approximations of meat, potatoes and stuffing. No superfluous vegetables, no unwanted dessert brownie or apple crisp.

To set the stage a bit before the sacrifice begins, the ingredient list on the package is longer than a Southern Baptist preacher's Sunday morning sermon:



Some of the ingredients have familiar names, some are, without question, extraterrestrial. The "nutritional" information is a textbook for cranial explosion (note that the numbers must be doubled, since the Swanson legal staff has determined that an XXL meal should be designated as two servings- liability limitations):



One entry is particularly puzzling- what the fuck is in ersatz animal protein, instant potatoes, or bread that could POSSIBLY provide 70% of the daily requirement of Vitamin C? Mysteries, good people, mysteries.

holy shit

Hey, gotta get your Vitamin C somehow.

I thought the nutritional information was pretty disappointing until you pointed out the two servings.

YES GO GO GO

i think im going to go to the store and get me some whiskey and ill stop by the frozen section to see my choices

On to the unveiling:



Immediately, I notice that the plastic cover wrap is entirely unsealed along one of the short sides- gastronomic tairists? Burst due to out-gassing from the chemicals in the contents? I haven't even smelled this shit yet and I'm already nervous.

The "stuffing" looks suspiciously like small chunks of foam rubber from your mother's 30 year old couch in the den- the one you and your buddy used to sleep on when he spent the night. You know what that means.

The meat product is mauve. I can say no more at this point.

The potatoes look like grainy ice milk- the generic kind from the Sav-A-Lot where not even Zone 3 residents will shop. Except with pieces of foam rubber scattered around. The frozen yellowish stuff around the edges give me SERIOUS pause for concern. It looks like........never mind, too horrible to contemplate, knowing that Laotian illegals packed this tray of swill.

On a positive note, the gravy looks reassuringly like frozen gravy, other than the fuzzy appearance.

Okay, following the package instructions as best I can, into the beta zapper for 6 minutes, then remove the plastic wrap (no problem since it was 25% removed out of the gates), stir the potatoes, and ladle the gravy over the meat product and foam rubber cubes:



The kitchen is redolent with suggestions of raw flour, soured gym towels, and formaldehyde. The potatoes have acquired the appearance and texture of drywall mud. The yellow substance has become more frightening. No matter what the instructions say regarding ladling gravy over the meat product, forget about it. The tiny bit of stuffing peeking out from under the meat has absorbed 90% of whatever gravy there was at the start. Replace the plastic wrap and toss it back in the microwave for the eternity of 3 minutes.

<----on the edge of his seat

Great thread. Seriously.

i think you have a future in erotic fiction books my friend

3 minutes pass, and, woila, a gourmand's vision of Hell. Thankfully, the meat has lost its mauve color, but is now somewhat akin to that of a stiff after the autopsy. Think The Portrait Of Dorian Gray. The viscous yellow stuff in the potatoes isn't quite as noticeable- there is a Jesus. The stuffing is relatively unchanged in appearance. But the smell has actually improved. I can detect the aroma of poultry- faintly, like the Glidden paint factory I grew up near, but still- there is hope.



I don't know why I took the next picture- I think it was involuntary spasms.

Looks like you threw sopme salt on there. Good move, it was dangerously low in sodium before.

Nope- that is the as-found condition, for good or ill.

judging from your second pic in the last post, the meat has become grayer. i just hope that is because of a different angle?

I'm guessing ill is all too accurate a description of eating that.

This is awesome.

That's just the dark meat, silly person.