Wife and I just watched back-to-back Pure Country & Honeysuckle Rose. We were gonna make it a trifecta and watch Urban Cowboy, but the little lady got tired. Good drinkin' movies. Wish I had some Lone Star.

Jesus, I was listening to O&A this morning, and the whole bit was about "Mommy Issues"

One of the dudes played a voicemail his mom left his dad about "regretting that he even came out of her"

and apparently this dude and his mom have always pretty much hated each other, because when they asked if it made him mad he said "No, she's not my mom, any bitch can take cum in her pussy -- that doesn't mean she can be a mother."

some new recipes I tried out this Christmas:

Bourbon-Lime Spritzers

1 12-oz. can frozen limeade concentrate, thawed
1 cup bourbon (I used Maker's, and feel free to go a little more if you're feelin' like it)
1 2-liter bottle ginger ale, chilled

Stir together limeade concentrate and bourbon in a large bowl or pitcher, stirring well. Stir in ginger ale. Add Lime Ice Cubes to spritzer in a bowl, or server spritzer over Lime Ice Cubes in individual glasses and garnish if desired.

Lime Ice Cubes: Place 2 thin lime rind curls in each section of ice cube trays; add water and freeze until firm.

d's note: this was so simple and a real crowd-pleaser. Don't let the 1 cup of bourbon fool you; people were toasted. I made two batches.

White Bean Chili

1 medium onion, chopped
1 tbsp. olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
6 skinned and bones chicken breasts, cut into bite size pieces
2.5 cups water
1.5 tsp salt
2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp freshly ground pepper
4 (15 oz.) cans cannelini or great Northern beans, rinsed, drained and divided
1 (14.5 oz) can chicken broth, divided
2 (4.5 oz) cans chopped green chiles
1/4 cup lime juice

Saute onion in hot oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat 7 minutes; add garlic and saute 2 minutes.

Stir in chicken; cook, stirring constantly, until chicken is lightly browned. Stir in 2.5 cups water and next 4 ingredients. Reduce heat; simmer, stirring often, 10 minutes or until chicken is done.

Process 2 cans of beans and 1/2 can broth in a blender until smooth, stopping to scrap down sides.

Stir bean puree, remaining 2 cans of beans, remaining broth and chiles into chicken mixture in Dutch oven; bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat, and simmer, stirring often, 30 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Stir in lime juice just before serving.

d's note: Served this with corn bread, and it was a hit.

Cheese and Bean Salsa

1 cup salsa
1 8-oz. package pasteurized prepared cheese product, cubed
1 15-oz. can black beans, drained

Stir together all ingredients in a microwave-safe bowl; microwave at high for 3 minutes, stirring well after each minute. Serve with tortilla chips.

d's note: So easy and also a crowd-pleaser. I had to seriously hunt for Velveeta at my local grocery store (they do make a light version), but cheese whiz in the jar works too.

hm, i may try this out. i just got some bourbon.

I had an amazing Christmas.

Despite, without exaggeration, almost dying in the ocean yesterday, my holiday break was capped off with one of the most amazing nights I've ever had.

Hung out with three sisters who I hardly know. Had dinner at this fancy place. Decided to go back to their parent's house. First thing that happens is that my moderately intoxicated ass gets thanked by "dad" for bringing his daughters home safely. Later that evening, we were all severely intoxicated and when my friend asked me where I was sleeping (because we weren't driving home), one of the sisters points up repeatedly toward the ceiling and interjects "he's sleeping upstairs". haha

BUT, the best part of the evening:

When we first arrived, the mother comes up to me and says, "what do you drink?" (like any good Catholic mom would inquire). I said, "well if I drink liquor it's typically Scotch". After I said that she proceeds to sift through all three of their liquor cupboards until she finds the bottle of Scotch. It turns out to be a giant, like gallon of apple cider vinegar giant, bottle of Chivas Regal. Certainly not a single malt, but quite tasty nonetheless. It was a 12 year old bottle when they got it, and she says to me, "This was a wedding gift to us 32 years ago. Finish it if you'd like". 5 glasses later, I was D.O.N.E. done, and so was the bottle of Chivas.

I'd apologize for this being totally random, but this is the random thread, so I guess it's okay?

"And that, Penthouse, is when the evening really got started."

Y'know you can resize those motherfuckers, shiv.

Bloody Disgusting.

i had used the cimg tag but maybe it didn't work because of the rehosting. anyways, it should be fixed.

I see it now. Nice.

About time.

im so fucking hungover

Check the caption.
Where the hell were the proofreaders?!?!

Once in college, outside the cafe where I worked forever, these 2 guys got sentenced to stand on the corner all day with huge signs saying "We shoplifted." I was out there cleaning the tables off and overheard a reporter kid asking them for quotes and their names. They gave:

Ron Jeremy
Mike Hunt

which he quickly scribbled down before he thanked them and left.

Did you catch that, Todd? Pretty good.

Altho I don't get the first name, is it just the second?

Just the second name.
And no, I am not the one who caught that one; a friend of mine sent it to me. But I would like to think that I would have caught it, were I the proofreader.

My first year or so on the job I was doing a story on the midnight madness lines for the PlayStation 2 coming out. Had a middle-aged photog with me and while I was talking to some kids a couple feet away she was getting the name of a stoner kid whose picture she had just taken.

His answer: "Maynard James Keenan," which she started asking him to spell out.

I promptly stepped in, at which point the stoner got all incredulous so we didn't use his picture.

Tough thing about the Todd's example is you can't teach against that case without tiptoeing the line of a sexual harassment incident.

when i worked at the paper we had a cub reporter do a piece on fans reactions to the Colts game, and the two bar patrons she interviewed were "eric clapton and george harrison."

it went to press

Iowa Woman Fights Deer With Vacuum

DES MOINES, Iowa -- An Iowa woman used a vacuum cleaner and a garbage can to fight off a deer Thursday morning that jumped into her apartment.
Des Moines animal control Officer Cindy Alley told KCCI-TV that a deer crossing Hickman Road was startled by cars and ran into an apartment complex, then jumped through a large window.
The scared deer then demolished the inside of the apartment as it attempted to find a way out. Trapped in the kitchen was the apartment resident, who fought off the deer with a garbage can and vacuum.
Alley said the woman suffered minor injuries in the incident.
A door to the apartment was eventually opened and the deer ran out. Alley said the startled animal took off and appeared to be OK.
"First time I've heard of this happening," Alley said.
The apartment resident declined to talk about what happened.