there are very few times that i offer advice of this nature, nor have i regularly weighed in on those (i'm assuming) juicy boys vs. girls threads.

however, once in a while i dawn upon a piece of wisdom i feel must be shared for the greater good of humanity.

to whom it may concern,

before you take a huge, comittment-testing, very adult-like step by moving in with your significant other, make sure you do a thorough recon and find out how much SHIT they actually have/own.

later on down the road, if things go well, you'll be moving to get a job, settle a family, or run away from any number of problems. at this point, you'll wish you checked out your signifact other's closets and basement full of crap.

(and not to raise a men vs. women ruckus here, but men are probably taking the brunt of this beating more times than not. i'm not saying that women have more shit than men, no not at all (or am i?) what i'm referring to is that because the basement is downstairs and dark and icky and may or may not have a dead cat in it, it'll usually be the man's job to go down to the shit storage and haul, box by box, by box, by box, box, bin, hamper, shoe box, box, bin, bag, box, by box upstairs, just so the significant other can take one look at it and throw it in a garbage bag).

BUT BORT, WHAT IF I ALREADY MOVED IN WITH SOMEONE?!!?!?!

now, this plan is not without risk, but it is a good way to solve possible back-breaking problems later. this is what you do:

1 - the day/evening before garbage night, go to the shit storage chamber, hopefully, all shit is located in one place. if not, may god help you.

2 - bring a non-descript preferrably opaque grocery bag with you (in your pocket).

3 - select an item from the shit pile and do this test on it:
ask:
a) - has this item been used once in the last 8 months? (if you've been with your other for less than 8 months, now is a good time to assess the shit pile and change your mind about the living situation).

a2) - does this item have any seasonal value (xmas decoration, etc)?

b) - has my other mentioned this item or something like it in last 8 months?

c) - can this item be bought again for under 5-8 dollars?

if you answer "no" to all 3 questions, then toss it. repeat process but do not stay down in the basement for more than 5 minutes. this is the safest and best way to avoid the overflow of crap on moving day. if even spending 5 minutes every week or two on this task is too much for you, you can always start a fire.

your welcome

love,

bort

Trouble on the home front?


When, and if, I ever get married and buy or build a house there is is but one requirement I have of it.

It must have a haven for myself. Just a small room with computer/tv/cds' etc. that I can hole up in.


Oh yeah, and a bar.

i have to battle my wife's urge to keep all sorts of random shit. at least now we have a garage where a bunch of that crap can go. I love to throw things away.

and a strippin' pole in the basement.

i have this. it is a necessity.

then again, i am a total hoarder. most of the boxes in the basement are full of my shit.

me too (in the garage)

I am a recovering pack-rat.

I still got clothes to go through, and one more closet.

I'm a terrible packrat. I have big piles of EMPTY boxes, just in case I need to return that TV or video card from 12 years ago.

Plus all the baseball cards, comic books, and board games of my extended childhood... don't even think about pitching any of that loot.

Someday my grandchildren will be cleaning out my attic and curse my name, but for now the trash stays put.

I think my wife is employing your technique against me. Had a great, comfortable old pair of shoes "disappear" recently, as well as some beloved old t-shirts.

Yeah, the hoarder always wins in the end, it seems. It seems like this is subject to the usual shacking-up problem: on any spectrum (cleanliness, cooking, hoarding, whatever), you won't match up exactly, and over time both parties tend to retreat to their end of the spectrum, making things worse.

I lived out of two bags for a few years, so now I'm inclined to call for the goodwill truck half the time I go into someones house.

There are reasons I like living alone.

I have a bit of an overflow problem right now...but my parents are BIG packrats so, as long as I have room to breathe in my bedroom, I think I'm doing O.K. ...

never move in w/me, i'm a total packrat. i don't know how i fit everything in my damn studio... from magazines, to cd's, to ticket stubs/flyers from parties/shows/events, pictures, posters... it's horrible.

and no, i won't throw anything away. i will jump-kick you first before i even *think* about throwing anything away.

secondly, i wouldn't even consider moving in w/a s/o unless i was going to marry him so i wouldn't really have that problem anyway.

I am also a recovering packrat. I have almost no storage space in my small apartment, I had the problem of having 2 sets of stuff (one at mom's, one at dad's) so now that I am completely moved out of their houses, I have excess memorabillia (sp?). Tonight I packaged up a bunch of stuff I haven't used in over a year, yet I still have. Some of it is stuff I could probably sell, but I don't have the patience/time for that. I need to get it out of my house before I change my mind and keep it!! Of course there are the random childhood things I can't let go of...

This all explains why me (and by extension, my family) are in the self storage business. My hoarding knows no bounds.

NO BOUNDS!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

want some more stuff??

I'm not sure what the opposite of a pack rat is, but whatever it is, I'm it. I fall on the other end of the spectrum in that I'll throw shit out without too much thought. The lady is the opposite. I've literally pried things out of her hands to throw it away.

But I will say... that I do sometimes wish I placed a little more significance on sentimental objects. Without stupid crap, sometimes its hard to really rev up some of those memories.

I keep stuff for a certain amount of time and then periodically have bursts of energy in which I throw most of it out.

uhh...