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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 3:30 pm 
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Winona Ryder wears my t-shirt on TV
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I'm sorry to say this is now official: http://www.comedycentral.com/standup/ce ... edberg.xml

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People in a parade are cocky, you know. They think that they attracted an audience but really it's just people waiting to cross the street. I could attract a crowd if I stood in everybody's way.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 3:32 pm 
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Hipster Backlash

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Was he on a feeding tube too?

Steve


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 4:02 pm 
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"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 4:11 pm 
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frostingspoon

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his website was updated today, but still no mention. and still no mention outside of one line on Comedy Central.
i'm holding on to my last thread of hope.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 4:19 pm 
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frostingspoon
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Location: Raised on bread and bologna.
Comedian Mitch Hedberg dead at 37
BY MATT PEIKEN
Pioneer Press


Even family and close friends had a hard time understanding Mitch Hedberg, a St. Paul native who ran away from home and, despite living a scattershot life, became a runaway success as a standup comic.

Hedberg, whose space-case persona was as much part of his soul as it was his act, died early Wednesday morning in a New Jersey hotel room. He was 37. A medical examiner hasn't issued findings, but Hedberg's family is told he suffered a heart attack. His wife was with him.

After graduating St. Paul's Harding High School, Hedberg rose through the ranks at Minneapolis' Acme Comedy Co., and caught his big break through a Comedy Central special. He made several appearances on David Letterman's and Conan O'Brien's shows, made more Comedy Central appearances and produced two comedy CDs. His big dream, to have an HBO comedy special, was in the works.

Hedberg's one-liners, dished off in a spacy staccato, were based on absurdist, random observations. His long, dirty blond hair harkened to the image of a 1970s stoner, and his success occurred in light of, in spite of and even because of his quarter-century affair with drugs and alcohol.

"I'd probably be living in Costa Rica, eating oranges on the beach, if I wasn't doing comedy," he told the Pioneer Press last September.

"There's no two ways about — having a son in entertainment industry is challenging," his mother, Mary Hedberg, said Thursday.

She recalls being at work when her oldest daughter called in a panic to tell her Mitch had packed some brown paper bags and left home. Mary Hedberg couldn't get home in time to either see him off or talk him out of it.

"That was heartbreaking for us, but he kept in contact with us. He called as soon as the car broke down," she said. "You know, it was like putting him through college, even though he wasn't at college. But when he got his first break, we were just so thrilled for him, because we wanted him to know he was O.K., and to have that self-confidence that he could do what he wanted to do."

Louis Lee, owner of the Acme, said Hedberg not only became the Twin Cities' first breakout comedian of the 1990s but, along with Lewis Black, helped shape a national resurgence in standup comedy.

"It's very difficult for one-liner comedians to get an audience going, but when Mitch worked here, you could see the kids call out the punchline," Lee said. "Mitch made the whole comedy community realize how important good writing is. It's a huge loss."

Unlike many comics, Hedberg was demonstrably thankful to his fans. Not long ago, a group of college students in Florida, speaking with Hedberg backstage after a show, mentioned how hot their dorm room was. Hedberg surprised them the next morning by showing up to their dorm with a new air conditioner.

"Mitch presented a lot of challenges, but a lot of opportunities for traveling that we wouldn't have otherwise had, and he had a heart of gold," his mother said. "He was a brilliant comic and a wonderful person."

Dates haven't been set, but eventual visitation and services will be at Wulff Family Services, Woodlane Mortuary, in Woodbury.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 5:29 pm 
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High School Poet
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it's on USA Today now. aww man.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 5:40 pm 
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frostingspoon

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well, i believe it now.
though i'm still holding out hope for a april fools joke.

bleh.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 6:14 pm 
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Troubador
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http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/149935 ... lines=true

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 6:23 pm 
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Garage Band
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Modem Wrote:
headlines=true


There's a depressing little string of html. This really, really bums me out; one of the few guys alive that had the old "take my wife" one-liner delivery down solid, although I never found "take my wife" as funny.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 6:31 pm 
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Natural Harvester
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fuck fuck fuck. it's real.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 6:37 pm 
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Alcoholic National Treasure

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"Has anyone seen me on Lettermen? 2 billion people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store."


"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."

"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."

"I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."

"I played golf....I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy and that's way more satisfying. Your supposed to yell FORE, but I was too busy mumbling that ain't no way that's gonna hit him."

"I wrote a letter to my dad- I wrote, I really enjoy being here. But I accidently wrote rarely, instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I crossed it out and wrote I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator. This letter took a harsh turn right away."

"And then at the end of the letter i like to write P.S.- This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad a turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."

"I lke refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time."

"I got into and argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up real quick?"

"This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard."

"I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said screw that, I'll just get a tan instead."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

"My friend said to me "You know what I like? Mashed poatoes," I was like, Dude, you gotta give me time to guess. If your going to quiz me, you must put a pause in there."

"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escalotor temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music" As though there's another way you can take it in. Your not special. That's how I recieve it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work."

"I was at the airport and this guy came up to be and said I saw you on tv last night. He didn't say if I was any good. He just told me where I was. So turned away for a minute and said Hey I saw you at the airport a minute ago. You were good."

I can't get into flossing, I can't. People who smoke say you don't know how hard it is to stop smoking. Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing. You seem jittery. Yeah, I'm about to floss.

"I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil and the devil is....Dill."

"Alocholism, is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Dammit Otto, your an alcoholic. Dammit Otto, you have Lupis. One of those two doesn't sound right."

"Y'know I order a club sandwhich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sanwhiches witth three peices of bread. So do I. Lets form a club. Okay, but we're gonna need more stickulation. Yes we do. Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again. Yeah, four triangles. And we shall dump chips in the middle. Let me ask you something, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for them."

"I brought a donut and the guy gave me a recieipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut, I give you the money, you give me the donut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I can not imagine the senerio where I would have to prove that I broughrt a donut. Some skeptical friend. Don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here."

"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two , and if no one answers the'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. Bu then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes, No one seems to care, who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now ,with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry.That'sa double whammy! We need help! Bush search aparty of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes."

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 6:44 pm 
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Go Platinum

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Location: Norfolk, VA
"I haven't slept for ten days. Cause that would be too long".

"You'll never see an out of order sign on an escalator, cause then they're just stairs".

My friend and I just saw him this last october in San Jose. It was a great performance. Just splendid. I think I liked him so much as a comedian because he isn't one of those types that stands on stage and makes statements about politics and religion and sex and waits for the audience to applaud his "that's so true" "joke". He just told jokes and left it at that. He's isn't making comments on society. God bless a funny man.

"Once I saw a whino eating a grape. I said to him, 'dude, you have to wait'".


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 7:16 pm 
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i saw mitch hedberg twice. the first time was probably the best comedic set i've ever seen and maybe even a classic. it was the second show of a friday night at the dc improv. he was beyond hammered. at one point, he improvised a dialogue between the bottle of coke and a vodka shot. and then, in probably the greatest thing i've ever seen at a comedy show, he did requests! it was amazing. i don't even remember how it started, but people were yelling words like "picketing" or "carrots" and he'd tell his jokes with those words. and he was on for almost 2 hours.

then the second time, it was the last show of a 3-night set and he did about 45 minutes before bailing. he didn't seem into it at all.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 7:19 pm 
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Go Platinum

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Location: back in portland
my favorite mitch hedburg line:

"at the end of mcdonalds commercials, they always say prices and participation may vary. as a owner, i wouldn't participate in shit. i'd be a stubborn mcdonalds owner. cheeseburgers? nope. we got spaghetti. ....and blankets"

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 7:21 pm 
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Garage Band
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Hedberg joked often about drug abuse, but in a recent interview, he said he'd given up smoking marijuana several years ago. "For 10 years, it was amazing, but then I had to give it up because it didn't feel as good," he said.

"The audience thinks I'm stoned all the time and I have to write my material that way ... so sometimes, when they come up to me after a show and ask me to join them, I just tell them I'm an undercover cop."

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 7:34 pm 
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Garage Band

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Location: nü jersey
sucks to no end. he was just at my school about 2 weeks ago, too. luckily i caught him when he came here three years ago.

these were two text messages i received from my friend while i was out seeing graham coxon last night:

"well, it looks like we definitely won't be seeing mitch hedberg now."

"...'cause he's dead"

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 8:41 pm 
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"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

my fav line ever from Mitch.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 8:42 pm 
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Natural Harvester
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also...

"my apartment is infested with koala bears. it's the cutest infestation ever".

damn i'm gonna miss him.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 10:39 pm 
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Winona Ryder wears my t-shirt on TV

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This blows. He was probably my favorite comedian.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 11:50 pm 
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British Press Hype
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This sucks. His delivery kills me.

I got the first season of Home Movies on dvd a few weeks ago and was pleasantly surprised to hear Mitch's voice. He was so damn cool.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 11:53 pm 
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Go Platinum

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Location: back in portland
Dalen Wrote:
also...

"my apartment is infested with koala bears. it's the cutest infestation ever".

damn i'm gonna miss him.


"i turn on my light and koala bears scatter. im like 'dont run fellas, come here, let me hold one of ya'

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 1:19 pm 
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Troubador
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Truly one of the funniest comics I have witnessed in the past 10 years.
I love his bit about the club Sandwich. And that animated short on the comedy central site with the ducks is classic.

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