All this talk of needing to "let" each other do things really bugs me...which probably explains why I made a shitty married person.

But seriously, it just all seems crazy that so many people are still living such segregated lives and have such ground rules about opposite sex interactions.

seems weird that women might be a tad jealous about a married father of two spending time hanging out with women in his free time?

seems pretty standard to me.

I guess I and most of my friends have friends of both sexes and all that. I don't see it as I am going to go hang out with a woman friend, I just see it as I am going to go hang out with a friend. I'm not married now, but this sort of thing was never an issue for either of us when I was married and I still maintained friendships with women and my wife did with men. Hell, I"m still friends with the ex for that matter. I really don't get the big deal. It just comes across to me like you don't think you can trust each other to interact with anyone of the opposite sex without fucking them or something.

I think you pretty much covered it when you more or less said that married life wasn't for you.

Technically I don't care if my wife has guy friends, but, no offense, you're exactly the kind of guy I wouldn't want her hanging out with.

None taken, although despite what you apparently think sleeping with married women isn't at all on my agenda.

I guess I just thought as a society we had moved a bit beyond boys on one side of the room and girls on the other. Seems juvenile to me.

its not quite that simple haha

I think there is a big difference in FemDerris coming home one day and saying "i've got this new friend I'm going to get drinks with" who I have never met and her having guy friends that she introduced me too when we started dating because she wanted me to get to know them.

For the most part, they're people I want to get to know myself.

This guy Hegel is dealing with is some sort of insecure promise keeper who cries when he masterbates. "You're corrupting my wife." WTF?

we've never had to deal with this really. my wife has no male friends. i had a few female friends when we got married, but none that I want to hang out without a prospect of fuh. who has time for friends anyway, regardless of gender?

I think this is at least part of it for me. Anytime I'm in anything approaching a serious relationship, we usually end up pretty much sharing most of the friends...and if sometimes one of the other of you are or are not around it's no big deal. And sometimes you are more or less close with whoever, male or female.

Nah, I don't think that. That's not what I meant. It's more that you don't seem to get these subtle boundary things, or to care about them.

Jealousy is not really something we have to deal with. I mean... who the fuck is going to hit on me? I guess I could be jealous of her interacting with guys, but it seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You get jealous, she resents it, she realizes you don't trust her, and then some day something happens. Or none of that happens, but you still get your heart broken. Either way there is NOTHING you can do to prevent it, if it's gonna happen... people don't seem to realize that. And in the meantime, how do you want to act? Like a jealous dick, or like a guy with nothing to be afraid of?

This is my general take on it. Between both of us working full-time plus wife teaching dance and color guard part time, kid's school programs and after school gymnastics and art, house/yard stuff on the weekends, prepping to move all the way across country pretty much in the blind, returning home from halfway across the world, I don't think either my wife or I have even spoke to anyone outside of family and work in the past year.

capn, i would buy your book and cassette tapes

It's not simply a matter of jealousy, though. That's related and can be part of it, but not necessarily the same issue. And there are times when jealousy is justified, and in general it's pretty inconsiderate to put your spouse in a position that would cause her to be jealous.

Absolutely true. If I told my wife I was gonna go to a show after work one night with a group of 19 yr old female interns she'd never heard of, I would be kindof an asshole. I doubt she'd batt an eye, but I wouldn't do it.

Hegel should give that couple a dildo molded from his own junk as a wedding present. DW can probably tell you where you get the kit.

You want the black or the white one? I don't think they make Mexican, which is totally racist.

My wife doesn't have or want any guy friends. I'm already more "guy" than she wants around, lol.

Plus you impregnate her, like, every 9.5 months. No wonder she's gun-shy.

maybe Hegel is just a douche bag, and the guy doesn't want his girl talking to him anymore.

maybe.

Easily the best advice of thread. Sign the card, "Now that you're married, a large something to remember me by. I hope your husband measures up."

I am definitely with nobody, Derris and Squirgs on this one.

Never once did I try and hang out with her one on one, except one time when I invited her and her man to a movie with me and my lady but my lady got sick and her man had to work. I suggested we just go anyway. She said she didn't want to because it made him uncomfortable which I thought was dumb myself but ultimately didn't have much of a problem with because I at least understood it a little.

It's not like I texted her and called her and tried to hang out with her all the time either. But, she was important in my life and the reason my lady now knows her is because I wanted THEM to be friends. Not because I want to fuck this other girl or something. Our relationship was based on far more than any of that which made up about 3 months of flirting in a 7 year friendship.

Dalen, I am probably the least douchey-est guy you'll meet. I may not fire on all cylinders EVERY day, but I do pretty good and try to treat people well overall.

I am not threatened by my wife's male friends, but I would, admittedly, expect that she invite me along when she tries to hang out with them. But, if I had other obligations I wouldn't tell her she couldn't hang out with this dude. Some call it dumb, others call it trust. I am confident enough with this girl that she'd never do anything. Maybe it's naive, but, you know, C'est la Vie. If she's gonna cheat on me, it's not going to be stopped because I decided she couldn't have any male friends.

UPDATE: Spoke with the this girl's ex who was also informed that he was no longer allowed to speak to her. The funny thing is: her ex used to live with this guy and they were "friends". He told me that this guy used to hang out with chicks all the time and complain about "why isn't it easier to get girls with faith to just make out sometimes". He also apparently has a drinking problem and would sneak out late at night to go to secret gambling rooms and lose hundreds of dollars. So badly so that their other roommate formed an intervention for him. hahahaha

Makes me feel like I am not the sexual predator he makes me out to be. haha

nah, i'm sure you're cool.

Well, I'd certainly hope so since they're pretty much backing you up.

Anyway, as I'm sure you well know, her marriage is going to take precedence over your friendship. Maybe she married a real douchebag, but it's not your place to step in and point this out to everybody. She is or was your friend, and this is the guy she chose to marry. Respect that and get on with your life.