I may have totally fucked myself here.

we used to do it very very rarely and only for the most valued employees. i would imagine most companies are similar, so at least it tells you that they really value your skills/knowledge. might mean something good for your future. might also just mean that you know how to do something that no one else does, and they would rather you stay, transfer that knowledge, and then they can start undervaluing you again.

I wouldn't say that you should never accept a counter offer but I wouldn't do it unless I had been happy at my job and it had been mostly about a better offer which didn't come through a friend/important member of your network really going to the post for you. You should ignore this advice though because my better advice is to never follow the counsel of an obner on an important life decision.

so can I take this advice?!
PARADOX

I went out on my own to find a new gig. I'm in this one as part of an exchange, and the idea of returning to the old team when my time is up was distasteful, so I decided to change my situation. Now I just don't want to be seen as a mercenary bastard who's trying to extort a promotion or two.

I did it once. I just kind of happened to come across basically my job but at higher pay, applied and got it offered to me. When I told my boss I was quitting he asked why and I said, these people will give me more money for the same thing and I can't pass it up, even though I am basically happy at the current gig and like the place and all. Also happened to be when I was getting a divorce so going to single income the extra money was really important. Anyway, he asked that I don't sign anything until he could see what he could do and he came back and matched the money and tossed in some extra vacation. I said fine because I really was happy just couldn't pass up a pretty big raise but wasn't looking to start a bidding war. It's worked out for the most part. The only thing that is bad about it is if I were to ever decide to move on, I may have burned a bridge by not accepting a job offer at one of the few spots who would most value my skills. I'm not really sure how places look at that.

I don't think people would view you that way unless this is something you pull regularly.

If it's about money and you like the job, take the counter.

If, at the core of this, you really just want to move on, then an extra couple of hundred bucks per paycheck probably won't measure up to the life raft you let float away.

Sounds like you may have made up your mind already. If that's the case, don't fight it.

I was thinking that too but then wondered if he meant he could stick with the exchange and not go back to the old team.

yeah that's the deal, I'd be burning the bridge with my old department (cost center) to take a double promotion in the new department (revenue center).

Well damn.

i dont understand why its burning a bridge to take a decent/big promotion...doesnt everyone understand that only makes sense?

Get. Fucking. Paid.

Rule 1: Don't resign until you've an offer in hand that you're willing to accept
Rule 2: If your current gig isn't a living hell, there's nothing wrong with telling your boss you've received an offer and see what the reaction is. NB: you haven't resigned yet.
Rule 3: At some point during an interview process, tell them you want to be appreciated...that you want an organization that thinks about what is the most they can do to make you happy rather than the least they have to do to make you stay
Rule 4: Once you resign, it's over.

Even if, what appears to have happened here, he's been offered a better job at higher pay elsewhere in the command structure?

What about companies that make you resign to apply for other jobs under their corporate umbrella? My uncle wanted a job in Australia, but had to resign from his job in the us division before he could apply. There was no guarantee he would get the AUS job or that he could come back to his us job.

Companies have little to no loyalty and frankly neither should workers. Etiquette is kne thing, but has evolved over the last several decade. I'm in favor our my man Black Putin making the most bank he can. As beeg said - just make due you're not leaving anyone in the lurch at the other (new) company, and get yo ass off yo shoulder blades and make that money.