As the title suggests I require a North American assistant for the successful execution of a personal venture.

There are however some criteria all of which are crucial.

ARE YOU...

a) male

b) living in a North American town or city that...

i) is on the coast, i.e., has open access to the sea or ocean (Great Lakes do not count)

ii) has a university, preferably with a zoology department

c) willing to perform various tasks to a strict deadline (essentially hand writing a letter and posting it, I will write the content you merely need to copy and send it).

The nature of things prevents me from giving out any details publically and I require the utmost confidentiality but I can assure you that no law will be broken nor is any money involved. However I must admit that if black is wrong and white is right this venture is about 12.5% grey and requires a certain amount of manipulation of future events that may risk the disapproval of the strict moralist. Any consequences are likely to effect only myself.

I cannot offer vast riches as reward but I would definitely give a token of appreciation for anyone helping me out, perhaps a CD or book.

If interested PM me.

I am currently in Rome although I will be out of town for a few days and will probably not be contactable but I return next Tuesday.

Thank you,

E.D.K

A) yes
B) Yes, not on the coast but, the University of Georgia (Athens) has one of the better Animal Science/Zoology programs in the country
C) I can do what I can

Is this for another squandered career path?

Derris, you are what we call over here 'a good egg'.

Unfortunately it is absolutely essential that it be a coastal town or city.

I appreciate your interest though but alas it was not to be.

I fit the requirements, live 2 miles from the beach, and within driving distance to both NSU and University of Miami. not sure if they have a zoology department.

if all i have to do is a write a letter, and not drive all over the place, i'm game.

I can also offer Charleston. I have friends and family there and I'll be over there next month.

But, I think College of Charleston's program is most likely Marine Biology.

I meet all criteria, with the exception of I am not sure that ODU, Norfolk State, William and Mary, or Virginia Wesleyan have Zoology departments.

I am also concerned about the 12.5% grey part of it.

Boston has a few universities. What's up?

i meet none of the requirements but do make pretty good chicken enchiladas.

I have access to a large brown river and also have a zoo membership.

I like pie.

I meet all requirements and generally enjoy anything in that grey area, but I won't have a lot of time in the next few months. How long-winded are these handwritten letters going to be?

I have a vagina, live in the only state in New England without a coastline and left my family home with a small zoo of dogs, cats, birds and rabbits.

turned on by this.

are you going to tell us what this is once the statute of limitations expires?

all the pieces were there

santa cruz, UC Santa Cruz, testicles

however, I like the Celtic, I am a vegetarian who would eschew chicken enchiladas, and have a sense of ethics

the ethics however are mitigated by an anarchist bent and a real disgust over the sham of modern academia (possessing multiple graduate degrees myself I call foul on the ego and brutal careerism of those stuck in ivory towers)

harry seems like your best bet, as long as he can swallow his principles for the 12.5%

I have no ethics and would be willing to lie about where I live were there anything in this for me outside some lousy book or CD I probably wouldn't like anyway.

is this 12.5% light gray, or 12.5% dark gray? Meaning, is it 87.5% good, or 87.5% evil?

The eviler the better, am I right?

Unfortunately, living in the middle of Pennsylvania does not offer much in the way of "ocean".

obviously I don't fit in the most necessary requirements but I would still help. I can handwrite things.

business as usual at "K"-merica industries

i mean, c'mon toots