Not really sure why I'm writing this, other than I'm scared, angry, worried, frustrated, and desperately grasping for answers/solutions.

My Mom is "only" 67, but she's been in rapidly deteriorating health in recent years, almost entirely resulting from her own actions/inactions. She suffered two heart attacks last year (after 50 straight years of smoking), which kept her out of work long enough that she was strongly encouraged to retire. I can't blame her employer, because they weren't going to be able to hold her job forever, and it was going to be quite some time (if ever) before she'd have the strength to start working again.

The loss of her job sent her into a deep depression, and though she had stopped drinking after the first heart attack (she had been drinking off and on - mostly on - for 40 years), living in relative isolation without the daily structure of a job to maintain her focus, she started drinking again without my knowledge. The reason she was so intent on hiding it from me, other than the fact that she's under doctor's orders not to drink, is because my father was an alcoholic his entire adult life (and probably well back into his teens) and quite literally drank himself to death at the ripe old age of 59. Another issue complicating things is she has diabetes, and alcohol is basically liquid sugar.

Obviously, having already seen one of my parents drink themselves to death, I desperately do not want to watch the other one do the exact same thing. But alcoholics tend not to think logically or even outside their own addiction-driven needs, so while she realizes this, it's not enough for her to make the necessary changes on her own. As I mentioned before, she lives alone and although I used to live around the corner from her after my divorce, I ended up moving in with my new wife about 30 miles away last summer (her kids are teenagers and too rooted in their hometown schools, etc. for them to move). Consequently, the only chance I have to see my Mom is when I visit her for lunch a few times each week (I work near where she lives), and when I bring my sons to see her on the alternating weekends they stay with me.

The reason I found out that she had started drinking again is that when I called her last Thursday at 11:30 a.m. to let her know I was on my way for one of my lunch visits, she told me that she'd fallen during the night and wanted me to take her to the hospital. As it turns out, the fall had taken place at 2:00 a.m. the night before and had knocked her unconscious for about an hour, at which time she crawled to the bedroom. Worst of all, because she's on blood thinning medication from the heart attacks, she scraped her arm when falling and bled profusely. When I arrived, her apartment looked like a crime scene. The amount of blood on her floor was horrifying. I asked repeatedly why she didn't call me when she fell, or at least sooner than waiting for me to call later that morning, but all she said was she didn't want to wake me up.

As it turns out, the reason she didn't want to call me was she was drunk and passed out, which is why she actually fell. She faceplanted and broke her nose, in addition to bruising her ribs, knees, and nearly every square inch of her face - including two nasty-looking black eyes. She didn't admit the drinking at the time, and I was too flustered to even suspect it, but my wife (who works at the hospital we took my Mom to) suggested having an alcohol screen run along with the other blood tests, and that revealed the painful truth. When my wife confronted her about it, she eventually (though not at first) admitted she's been drinking heavily for the past six months. How heavily? She goes through a gallon bottle of scotch every four days. How her liver is still functioning at all right now remains a mystery to me.

Today, she is being discharged from the hospital and transferred to an inpatient alcohol rehab facility. Neither me, my wife, my ex-wife, nor my in-laws think she should continue to live alone, much less ever set foot back into her apartment again. Unfortunately, her lease is not up until July and with her extremely limited Social Security income, she really doesn't have many other viable options even if she can somehow get out of that lease. The "home" I live in with my wife and her two kids is microscopically small and is basically a run-down old shack. My ex-wife will be getting married next summer, but she and my sons still live in a small apartment. There's really no family my Mom can live with, not even temporarily.

I am the only child of two only children, so not only do I have no siblings to help deal with this situation, but neither does my Mom. I honestly have no idea of how best to proceed. I'm going to start calling assisted living facilities today, in the hope I can find one near me that she can afford, but many look to have a lengthy waiting list. I'm not really asking for anyone to help or anything, outside of maybe sharing any suggestions or similar experiences. I'm nowhere near as prepared for this as I should be.

Wow. No idea what to say, Bob. Only suggestion I can make to reach out to friends and groups for ideas and support... which I suppose is partly the intent of this post.

Sorry to hear about your troubles. Keep breathing and stuff.

A very difficult situation Bob; beyond the difficult passage where children must start to "parent" their parents, your story has the extra details of alcohol and isolation. I'd imagine there are social workers either through the hospitial or government agency... no advice is adequate to what you must be feeling. You may want to see if an Alanon meeting helps you... and if your Mom has any willingness, going to an AA meeting might connect her to the fellowship of alcoholics who would suggest to her "there is a solution."

Thanks so much for the feedback so far - very helpful.

I spoke with her apartment complex, and while the manager was compassionate, there really isn't any simple extraction process - even in these medically-necessitated situations. She said that even when a tenant passes away, there is a 30-day notice required. In my Mom's situation, a 60-day notice is required, along with a re-letting fee equal to 85% of one month's rent.

The assisted living facilities don't seem to be a viable option, as I found out after calling them, when I learned that their smallest unit (half the size of her current apartment) has a monthly rent four times what she currently pays. They're basically asking $3,100/mo. for an efficiency unit, when she's currently paying $700 for a one bedroom. And they also said none of it can be subsidized by Medicare, so I've got no idea what we're going to do.

Get a used rv trailer and park it outside your shack...?

I am mostly kidding but not entirely. When my dad's dad got pretty badly schizophrenic late in life (when I was little) they put him in one behind their mobile home. Nowhere near the same setup but it did pop into my head. At least you would have daily contact, and he'll it never gets cold there.

I got nothin. Sorry Bobbo. This sucks.

Actually, not the worst idea in the world. No such thing as bad ideas at this point - anything helps...thanks!

We are going through a somewhat similar situation with my wife's mom right now: Years of out of control drinking, stints in rehab, blowing through inheritances, multiple DUI's and a litany of other accidents and falls. Now she's at the point where is basically going to be homeless in a matter of months. It's sad as fuck, but I'm not totally shocked. Her kids are holding out hope still, but losing faith fast.

I have no advice to offer, Bob.
Just sympathy, love, and prayers (such as they are).
Wishing you strength, my friend.

Very sorry to hear that Bob. I don't know that there's an easy answer, other than she needs to stop drinking and while she does so she needs more help/support/attention from her loved ones. This would be a difficult situation under any circumstances but must be so much harder as an only child. Are there any other people you can reach out to for help: her friends?, extended family?, her former co-workers? She probably needs a lot of people to check in on her, more than you could do alone.

Leaving aside the alcoholism and the related injuries from the fall, how is her health now? Is she fully recovered from the heart attacks? It would seem like part of a long-term solution would be to find her more activities to be involved in to give her days purpose and more human interaction whether that's a part-time job, volunteer work, or hobbies/recreational activities. Don't know what she might be capable of doing at present though.

Just be there for her as a loving son, create as much of a support network for her and yourself as you can, and take care of yourself too. A lot of this is really up to her to fix.

Jesus, man. I had no idea. Very, very happy I'm not dealing with something like this.

I don't know how feasible it is with her medical issues beyond alcohol, but would volunteering or a part time job help her fight the depression side of things?

man. i'm sorry bob.

This is probably a big chunk of the problem - feeling bored, old, and useless. I wonder if there's something she could dig into that would give her purpose?

Sorry to hear this. Thinking about you guys.

Sorry to hear, Bob. I can't really add anything right now, but you're in my thoughts.

Man, that's even worse than my situation - I hope you guys are able to get your mother-in-law healthy again. I can only imagine how difficult that must be for your wife. I'll keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers, Chris.

Thanks, Todd - that is much appreciated.

Thanks, Billy. Unfortunately, she was so upset about how things ended with her job, that she has shut herself off from her well-intentioned co-workers since then. And there's really not any extended family to speak of. As for her health, she's recovered from the heart attacks in terms of her heart function, but she's eaten so poorly and just become so stagnant and lethargic overall activity-wise that she really isn't in good enough health to work at this point - not even part-time. I do agree that doing so would be very beneficial to her state of mind and general mental outlook. She really has no interest in anything other that sitting around watching crappy daytime TV.

Yeah, this has definitely been one of the more difficult things I've ever had to go through. And I'm thinking it's not going to be over anytime soon.

Those would definitely be ideal solutions, but she's really going to have to build up a lot more stamina and strength to even consider doing so, as she's very weak and frail these days. I'm hoping if she's able to get fully sober, she'll eventually get a lot of her energy level back.

Thanks, J. It means a lot to me just to have all of you express concern.

I'm guessing that finding a purpose is a big focal point of what they're addressing with her at her inpatient alcohol rehab program right now. If not, they aren't doing their job.

Thanks so much!

Very much appreciated, Stacey.

No matter how I work it out in my mind, the only solution seems to be for her to live with you or within a 10-15 min drive. I understand that your place would be too small for her...is this a place you own or rent? Is there not a neighbor in the area who would rent a basement apartment or something of the like on the cheap? The way I figure it she needs contact with people on a regular basis, and as far as I can tell that means regular contact with you. It might mean sacrifices, but you won't find another good answer I don't think. Drinking that quantity on those intervals will be very difficult to overcome on ones own.